Tuesday, November 5, 2019

violet and tiffany continued

I stopped for a minute to see what'd happened, and also noticed Izaak in his calmness telling us to knock it off (or something, idk, it was hard to hear), and then looked back at Tiffany just in time to see her fist make contact with my left cheek.  After that, I was seeing red, no longer in control of my body.  I pushed her off me and slapped her across the side of the head then crawled on top of her, ready to punch her back.  And I would have, except somebody grabbed my wrist and twisted my arm behind my back, then pushed me off her face first into the floor, knee on my back.

"I told you to back down, Violet," Izaak scolded.  

"Let go of me!" I shouted, struggling to get free, but it was never going to happen — Izaak is almost twice my size and definitely in much better shape than me.  I looked over to see that Toby had ahold of Tiffany and her nose was bleeding.  When had I done that?  I squirmed again under Izaak's weight, trying to break away.  "Get off me!  Let me fuck that bitch up!"

"Hey, enough!" Izaak said with a sharp tone, pushing my head down.  "I'll let you up when you've calmed yourself down."

I couldn't see what was going on with Tiffany and Toby over there, not since Izaak hid my face, but it seemed like she was struggling as well.  Toby was lucky she didn't have her taser on her, because that would've knocked him out.  Clearly the guys underestimated her ability to fight.

We were kept restrained for probably ten to fifteen minutes.  That's about how long it took to feel exhausted, all fought out.  Izaak really knew how to keep me locked in place.  

"Are you two ready to talk this out like adults?" Izaak asked as he eased off of me a little, allowing me some freedom to assess my surroundings.  Molly was teary-eyed cleaning up the mess with Chloe's help.  Tiffany's eyes were closed and she was taking deep breaths as Toby loosened his grip, a look of disappointment on his face.  Izaak's disappointment was the strongest — he kept a straight, annoyed expression as he helped me up, almost pushing me to the couch, then he sat to my side.  Toby dropped off Tiffany on the other side of Izaak, then sat down in front of us.

"Don't tell me you're gonna try to play mediator," I groaned, eyes rolling.

"Clearly there's some beef between you two that needs to be taken care of, but neither of you have ever learned how to communicate your feelings properly."  

Tiffany laughed out loud at Toby's cheesy psychobabble.  I wanted to do the same, but suddenly felt defensive of my psychologist friend.  "Hey, shut up, at least he's trying to help, unlike that douchebag asshat you fuck with."

She turned her head suddenly, shooting me a glare.  "Fuck you, he helps me."

"Helps you with what?" I shrieked, now starting to bow up, ready to make her nose bleed again.  "Helps you be a shitty friend to the people who care about you?  Helps you cut yourself?"

Now she stood and stomped her foot.  "I'm not a shitty friend!" 

Izaak pulled her back to sit, but her face was turning bright pink again, and I could tell she would attack soon.

But I kept going, hoping she'd try me.  "How many times have you called me in the last few weeks to see how I'm doing?  Let me answer that for you — zero!  It's always Brandon this, Brandon that.  You know what, FUCK BRANDON!"

She lurched forward to attack me again, but Izaak caught her.

"Violet, that's not very helpful," Toby said in a calm voice.

"Well she needs to fucking hear it.  You don't needta hold her back, bro.  Let her hit me.  I'll fuck her up hardcore."

"WILL YOU TWO JUST STOP IT ALREADY!"  This time it was Molly screaming, so loud that everyone kind of stopped and looked over at her.  "There are people with real fucking problems out there, and you two are here fighting over some stupid boy.  Who cares?  Let Tiffany talk about her boy toy, or don't, I don't care, but don't roll around punching each other's lights out and breaking my shit because of it."

I held my head in my hands, hiding my face in half-shame.  "Sorry for breakin' your shit, but..."

"No buts," Toby said.  "Be accountable for your actions."

"She's being..."

His eyes widened, shutting me up.  This is what I was working on, knowing when to shut up.  

"Grrrrrrrrrrrr!"  I stood and Izaak reached to make me sit down, but I jerked away from him.  "I'm going for a walk.  Tiff, show yourself out."

Izaak glanced at Toby who nodded, knowing that if I didn't clear my mind then I may do something I can't take back.  Not that I could take back punching out my friend and making an ass of myself in front of basically my entire group.  But if I stayed I was likely to say one of the many hurtful things in my mind to Tiffany, and she'd been my best friend since middle school.  This wasn't how it was supposed to end.

I pushed past the scene, still fueled by rage, and jogged down the stairs and outside.  Moments like this made me want to just go back to my old lifestyle... drinking, snorting, etc.  But now at least I was getting strong enough to not even consider running back to my old neighborhood.  Gabe would kill me if that happened.

The sun was high in the air and streets busy.  It was a beautiful day.  I should've been out paintballing with everyone, if only the fight with Tiffany hadn't happened.  Ugh.  I should've just kept my mouth shut.  Who cares if she obsesses over that asshole?  Not my problem.

It just really hurt that she cared so much about him and his life, dedicated so much time to checking up on him and waiting for his messages, and didn't give two shits about me anymore.  Anytime I tried to talk to her about something in my life, she half-listened while stalking his social media or re-reading old messages, and then abruptly changed the subject when I paused.  

Ugh, the thoughts re-ignited my anger and I sped up my pace, trying to focus on my five senses.  Birds, leaves rustling, warmth from sun, sewage smell, salty air taste. It only took 20 blocks of distracting my thoughts for me to calm down enough to wonder what to do next.  I'd been walking so long that probably Tiffany was back home already.  Though I wasn't sure if it would be more challenging facing her or my friends.

Unlucky for me, I had to face both, because she was still there when I came back through the doorway nearly an hour and half after I'd left.


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