after violet's relapse

I took a deep breath, pushing the door open to Gabe's office.  "What was so important it couldn't wait a couple of hours?" 

The irritated tone made my stomach rumble, a mixture of anger, fear, and guilt.  "Why do you always have to be a dick about everything?" I said, stepping towards his desk.

Gabe leaned back in his chair, hands folded in a pyramid.  His eyes looked tired and annoyed, which made me regret coming here in the first place.  Confessing would just make everything so much worse... like being entrapped in a fire.  "I'm waiting," he said impatiently.

"It's... a lot," I said, sitting across from him.

"Go on."

"The short version is... Andy bribed me into playing a poker game for him, and..." I looked down, unable to face him.  "There was coke, and I... used again..."

There was a pause that felt like it lasted for hours, then Gabe finally said with a sigh, "Dammit Violet.  What the hell were you doing with that punk again?"

random scene

"You ran off this morning before your spanking," Izaak said, guiding me to the couch as soon as I walked in from work.

I gulped, hoping he'd forgotten about that, but of course he didn't.  "I wanted to stop at starbucks on my way..."  My voice trailed off as he sat down, pulling me towards him.

"You wanted to get out of your punishment," he said matter-of-factly.  It wasn't a question, so I stayed silent, squirming as he reached for the button of my slacks.  "Do that again and you'll get extra, understood?"

"But...." I whined, giving him a pathetically adorable face as he unbuttoned and unzipped my pants, tugging them and my panties down to my knees.  He was about to put me over his lap when we heard a light thud on the floor.  

Izaak muttered something under his breath, then reached down, retrieving my vape pen.  His nostrils flared.  "What the hell is this?" he demanded.  "You took weed to work?"

"I... um... it was for the walk home..." I stammered, face flushing bright red.

He shook his head at me, not buying it.  "Go to the corner," he ordered, so firm I didn't question it.  My heart pounded against my ribcage as I shuffled to the corner, pants and panties still at my knees.  I wanted to pull them up but knew better than to try.

the little bit i ended up writing last night

“Yo, I’m out,” I said, trying to get Andy to fucking move out of my way. He was sloppy drunk and trying to charm me back into his life.

“C’mon goddess. One more hand with these bitches. You’re killin’ it.” He leaned in, breath warm against my neck. “I gotta prize for your next win.”

I slapped his arm. “Get the fuck off me, I don’t want your smelly ass.”

But he hadn’t been offering himself as the prize — he flashed a baggy of white powder at me and my nose started tingling. I got all dizzy with memories of the euphoria I’d experienced under the influence. He was offering me what would easily sell on the streets for $200.

Part of me didn’t want to even open that door again, because it’s insatiable. The cravings come back so strong, chasing the high, but the high is never good enough.

But I sat back down at the table, determined to win the game. By sunrise I’d won Andy more money than I’d earned working for gabe, and snorted enough coke to have my allergies acting up. As I stumbled out of the bar and glanced at my phone, it suddenly hit me: I’d done exactly what gabe and Toby had warned me about.

Fuck.

violet's relapse

"Just think, if you were smart enough to figure out how to hack the memory card yourself, you wouldn't be in this situation."  Andy paced in front of me with a menacing grin.

I glared, feeling the fire ignite in my chest, getting me ready to kick his ass.  "No, I wouldn't be in this situation if you'd mind your own fuckin' business and stop tryin' to get into mine."

"Told ya I ain't rollin' with kids anymore.  Your friend fucked with me, and I fuck back harder."

"What do you want, Andy," I said through clenched teeth.

"Revenge."

"Nah bro, I wouldn't be here if that was all.  There's a reason you haven't released the video yet.  What the fuck do you want?"

"There's a poker game tonight on 49th."

"And you want me to hustle."

"Ahh looks like you are a little smarty pants," he said with a laugh, pinching my cheeks.

I swatted him away.  "Then you'll leave me and my friends alone, got it?"

"Sure."

I pushed him up against the wall, hand around his throat.  "I mean it."  

It felt good he was still scared of me.  But the whole scene made me feel disgusting and pathetic.  

We walked to Andy's souped up Audi, I taking the front seat, making his meathead friends stuff themselves into the back.  When he started the car, loud bass shook the speakers and my eardrums.  It felt like I was 17 again.  A pit formed in my stomach, wondering why I'd ever thought this boy was cool, why I allowed myself to get caught up in his charm.  

violet+gabe, he knows

"I know it's Chloe."

My body froze, though still felt a sense of relief.  I was tired of hiding.  "How?"

"You know how."  That meant Molly told him.  "You've been sitting on this information for three weeks.  Why am I just now hearing about it?"

"Because Molly has a big mouth."

Gabe took an angry step toward me.  "I shouldn't have heard it from her at all!" he said, now close to shouting.  "Especially about a case that I told you from day one was confidential."

My instinct was to match his tone, maybe even raise it higher.  But maybe I really had been working on myself, because I kept it cool.  "Sorry.  You're right."

"This is exactly what fucked us over last time — you lying to me."

I glanced into his eyes to see a flame of fury still there, a betrayal he hadn't been able to resolve.  "I know."  My mouth almost let out an excuse, but I kept it in.  Now wasn't the time.  Toby would be proud.

Gabe paused for a moment, staring at me hard.  It was almost like he didn't believe what was happening and had to figure out if this was a dream.  Then he let out a sigh and looked away.  "Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"I was waiting for tangible evidence like you requested."

His eyebrows raised.  "And her confession wasn't enough?"

"I didn't get a recorded confession, and she asked for a little grace, which I gave her.  Then the situation with Molly and Toby happened and we got behind on our timeline."

violet's weekend with chloe/izaak

“Hey, this might be a crazy question,” I said, the weed having dulled my (already barely existent) filter.

Clo glanced over at me, blue eyes twinkling from the streetlight.

“Were you involved with the Winters stuff? Are you Pattie Cake?”

It was too dark (and I too stoned) to notice her facial expressions, but she was a good actress anyway so I probably wouldn’t trust them. “What?” She asked, tone giving off a sense of confusion. “Where did this come from? Are you asking if I’m a criminal?”

“Kinda, yeah.”

There was an awkward silence as we both waited for the other to speak. So far, she hadn’t become defensive, so I still wasn’t sure what to think.

“I’m not,” she finally said. “And I’m confused about why you think that.”

“Yo, it was just a question. Your name came up in my list of suspects. Chloe Peterson, right?”

“Patterson,” she corrected.

“Because at the meeting izaak said…”

“He always gets it wrong. Mixes me up with an old army buddy we went to school with.”

“Oh, okay.” Tbh it made me feel good. She said exactly what I wanted to hear. “Good. I wouldn’t want to rat out a friend.”

idk about this

It felt weird, being here in Clo's space, knowing her secret.  It was also hard to play dumb, but I was taking Molly's advice and trying not to jump to conclusions like I always do.  Not until I had some sort of proof anyway.

"What's the most badass thing you've ever done?" I asked her when we were in bed, as I lay on my side, propped up on one hand, rubbing my still-warm bottom with the other (gotta love bedtime spankings).

Clo was on her back, staring at the ceiling.  I noticed her breathing get shallow for a split second (ok, it might've been my imagination, who knows) before she responded.  "I'm not much of a badass..."

"Bullshit... you just want to seem all innocent.  C'mon, tell me."

She let out an uncomfortable giggle.  "Okay, but you can't tell anyone."

"Like who?  Sergeant Douche?" I laughed, hearing him snoring in the other room.  "He snoozes, he loses."

[[[no idea how she's going to answer this]]]

x-x-x-x

I suspected that if Izaak was any good as an FBI agent, he'd already know about Clo.  But I'd had no luck with extracting info from her, and Izaak seemed harder to crack.

Maybe Molly's right and I'm just jumping to conclusions.

molly & vic vacation scene

Vic and I were the only two left awake, sitting on the beach as the sky began to brighten.  We'd been telling funny stories the last few hours, until Toby left and then we just sat there in a peaceful quiet, focused more on the waking seagulls and ocean waves crashing.  Until Vic finally spoke.

"Do you wanna talk about Adam?"

"Nah.  Do you wanna talk about Arizona?"

"It was awful," he admitted, shaking his head.  "Seeing what they're doing to those kids.  Having proof of how corrupt the system is.  I don't know know how much longer I can do this.  It's too depressing."  Vic paused, gazing out at the horizon, probably remembering some of the horrors he'd witnessed.  Then he looked back at me.  "I'm sure you can relate."

"Yeah, social work school was the most depressing two years of my life."

"I remember."

"Is it possible to do lighter topics?  Wasn't there a reporter who did a series about bdsm and kink?"

Vic shrugged.  "Yeah, I know who you're talking about.  But my team doesn't do those kinds of assignments.  I would have to apply to switch departments which seems like a pain in the ass.  But I dunno.  Maybe it would be worth it."  He took a long drag off the joint, looking at me when he passed it back.  "Are you okay?"

I didn't really know how to answer.  "I think I'm starting to fall for Gabe..."

"Starting to?  Honey... you've been into him for a minute."

I rolled my eyes, thankful it was still dark enough he couldn't see me blush.  "Maybe.  But I think he could be into me, too."

snippets that were in my mind today

"What the fuck, you're still going to punish me with that bullshit even though I'm here admitting it to you?  Not fucking fair," I spat, reaching for the door.

"Hey," Gabe said in a voice 10,000 times calmer than mine, and I turned around to look at him.  "I'm proud of you for coming clean about relapsing.  But you know I have to do it."

"Why?"  My eyes were narrowed at him, waiting for a smartass response.

"You have little respect for people who break promises."

My mind flashed back to the day I met Gabe, when I was kicked out of my aunt's house, about to sleep in the streets if it weren't for him (and Molly, of course).  I'd been pissed at Vic for bailing out on a promise, and made it known that I blamed him for all my problems.  Nostalgia is so bittersweet.

I wanted to say "you're right," but the word "whatever" fell out instead.  Then I stormed out of Gabe's office and headed home.

x-x-x-x

"What else do you have to confess?" Gabe asked from behind me. 

I kept my head buried in my arms, body racked with sobs as I cried out all the guilty feelings I'd tried to avoid over the last month.  "V-Violet's... c-case...." I paused to catch my breath, then said quickly, "it's Chloe," and cried out another ton of tears.

I felt Gabe's pause, which sent a ball of ice to my stomach.  "What."  He said it simply, not a question, no confusion, as if he knew what my vague wording meant.  

"Don't tell her I told you," I cried, wiping my eyes and turning back towards Gabe.  

random izaak/violet travel scene

"Now's not the time to test my limits."

"Ooooo, what'll happen if I do?" I teased, nudging him.

"Esperanza!"  Izaak's tone was so powerful it made my heart flutter.  "I am not joking.  Neither of us want me to react to you in real anger."

"You sure about that?" I said with a wink.

Izaak grumbled something under his breath, then reached for my upper arm and dragged me to a deserted area, out of eyesight from anyone walking on the path we'd been on.  "We're going to take care of this now," he said, finding somewhere to sit, "because I don't want any trouble from you the next couple of days."

"Maybe you need someone to take your anger out on," I suggested as he yanked down my shorts and panties, then put me over his lap.

"I will decide that, not you."

"Maybe you should let your guard down and..." the spanking began, stingy and fast, clearly a response to me telling him what to do... but I didn't back down, "LISTEN TO OTHER PEOPLE EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE."

"I'm listening to you, as a matter of fact much better than you are listening to me."  

molly+gabe convo

[a lot of this was written with chatgpt's assistance]

The warm jets propelled me forward, soothing the tension in my back as I floated in the hot tub, looking up at the dark sky.  I wondered where to start in the conversation with Gabe.  I didn't know how much he already knew and didn't want to bother him with my problems.  He seemed like too important of a person to want to waste his time on my childish issues.  Which is what made this time together even more special.

As he eased into the water next to me, I noticed music in the background — a playlist I'd made for him.  There wasn't much crossover in our tastes, but after knowing each other 11 years, we'd found enough songs for an entire playlist.

"So... I'm going to torture you first..." Asking emotional questions to Gabe always made me so nervous — sometimes he could be more guarded and defensive than even Izaak (but at the end of the day, they both always answered my questions anyway).  "How do you not get attached in relationships?  Like, how do you stay detached?  From people in general?  Why aren't you in a relationship now?  Why didn't you want to marry your ex?"  I finally made eye contact, able to relax a little when I could tell he wasn't annoyed with my questions.

But he had thrown his guard up.  "Are you still having problems with your newspaper guy?"

I poked my lower lip out.  "It's my turn to torture you.  I still have like 45 minutes or something."

another snippet

Izaak put his hands on my shoulders and gave me a light shake.  "What are you doing!?  Are you trying to get yourself killed?"  His nostrils flared like he was about to blow fire out of them.  

I cowered a little, half-heartedly trying to break free from his grip.  

"Molly, enough," Izaak barked, causing me to freeze for a minute.  He must've realized how scary he sounded because he took a deep breath and then just pulled me in for a tight hug.  Still shaken up from my near-death experience, it took me a moment to fully melt into his embrace.  I focused on the thumping of Izaak's heart, reminding myself I was safe.

He finally released me from the hug, though kept me close, leading me to his truck.  I settled into the passenger's seat, buckling up and shivering as I waited for him to come around.  When he finally entered, I said, "I'm sorry."

Closing the door behind him, Izaak looked at me.  "I know you are."  Before I could blurt out my excuses, he cut me off.  "And I know you were trying to help out a client.  But it is beyond your duties to make home visits alone to a dangerous situation.  You should have called the police."

"I called you," I said, poking out my lower lip.

Izaak shot me a glare.  "After the fact.  You got really lucky today, Molly.  Look at me."  I peered into his stern eyes.  "If you ever put yourself in danger like that again, I'll make you regret it.  Understood?"

I gulped.  "Yes (Sir?)"

random snippet scenes

"Chloe, we're here for you, you don't have to do it all on your own."

My eyes were squeezed shut, I was curled up, trying to hide myself.  Having support felt weird.  I didn't feel strong enough to show my face.

"Life is too hard to have to go through alone.  That's why we have families.  That's why you have us."

Molly was speaking to me as if I were an abandoned or lost puppy, but I hated being treated as fragile.  Yet I was so fragile in that moment.  The vulnerability was humiliating.  Everyone knew my secret.  

Izaak sighed, probably getting frustrated with my lack of response.  "You can't just not eat," he said, not as angry as I'd expected.  There was a hint of worry behind his need to control.

"This isn't working," Violet finally said, then I felt a PLUNK! on the floor next to me.  Seconds later I felt her bony arms wrapped around me in a hug.  She squeezed me tight and awkwardly, and suddenly I realized she was crying too.  But classic Violet, she spoke with no shame.  "You need to stop wearing the mask of a badass bitch all the time and just be you, for better and for worse.  We're tired of you hiding.  We're not going to let go, no matter how much you fight it, you should know better by now.  Let us be there for you like you were there for me."

Her words shocked me so much — I was there for her?  When??  — I couldn't help but pull away from her embrace and glance up at Violet.