still trying to write this ramon/lexi scene

I had a death wish. That’s the only thing that could explain how I acted with Ramon.  

“Dude, chill.  It’s not like anyone died or anything.”

He looked at me with these wide eyes like he had heard me incorrectly.  “I will not ‘chill.’  You took my daughter.  In my truck.  During rainy season.  Without telling anyone.”  

Normally, hearing my offense repeated back to me would make me feel something.  But my armor was too strong today.  I wasn’t going to allow Ramon to chip away at it.  “Yeah, I know what I did.”

SP prompt- lexi trespassing

Prompt- Lexi goes somewhere she's not supposed to be (old military ruins)... idk why she's not supposed to be there, I just wanted to see how the 3 diff guys in this series would react. 

driving to wendys

My tummy growled as I popped another peanut m&m in my mouth, hoping it counted for at least a little protein.  I was high as fuck, laying back on my couch with a glass pipe in one hand, lighter in the other, laptop on my lap, weather channel playing on my tv in the background.  I’d had a week-long tolerance break while I was with my family in Texas, which meant I needed this bowl more than ever.  

What I hadn’t considered was picking up any food on my way home from the train station

I glanced back as if I could see anything through my closed blinds.  It was dark and snowy, supposed to only be a few flurries with heavier snow overnight.  The first big snow of the winter had happened while I was in Texas, which devastated me.  There’s nothing that excites a southerner like a snowstorm.  So I was excited for tonight’s.

And definitely needed food before it got too late.

before stealing truck

I was at the university when I got the email.  Short and to the point, immediately making my heart sink. 

We tried to call but your phone is off.  Your father has passed.  We need you to write and fax a letter that gives permission for cremation.  I put more money in your account.

Love, Mom xoxo

It’s not like my dad was ever there anyway.  My clearest memories about him were of me sitting at the window, waiting for him to show up, only for him to have forgotten about me in the midst of his binge drinking.  

And now here he was, inconveniencing me on a day that I was supposed to be focused on getting my thesis project together.  A day I was supposed to spend helping Noelia and Caro at the shop because Mateo was out of town.  A day that was supposed to be about fun and chaos and living in the moment with my new found-family because I only had a few more weeks left in SP.  

stealing truck

Ramon wouldn’t mind if I borrowed his truck.  I was practically family, right?  And he just left the keys out in the open where anyone could get them.  

That’s how I ended up in the pickup, camera in tow, driving towards Monte Seco.  Past La Patria, where the pavement ended, I hadn’t expected the amount of mud… I mean… it was raining… but not that hard, right?  

I should’ve immediately turned around, but the road wouldn’t be thaaaaaat bad.  And Monte Seco isn’t thaaaaat far away.  And honestly, right now, I just didn’t fucking care.

The mud was slippery.  The truck was out of control, sliding all over the road.  A tiny part of me was regretting this.  But mostly it felt like an adventure.  Plowing through to the park.  

public spanking

I had never seen Mateo so angry before. A vein looked like it was about to pop out of his forehead.  Thankfully Emilio and Raul were gone now, and I saw Mat’s nostril’s flair as he took a deep breath in.  Probably trying not to kill us both.

“Let’s go.”  And then he began walking, long strides through the thick tension that enveloped us all.  Noelia looked like she had seen a ghost, eyes wide, suddenly realizing what deep shit we were in.

And me.  I like to be the “comic relief” even though usually I regret it. 

“That was fun, we should do it again sometime!”

noelia and ramon

I heard everything.  Almost every word of Ramon’s scolding.  How he didn’t turn soft even though she was crying.  The chair scraping the floor.  The hard and fast handspanking mixed with Caro’s yelps.  Then every swat with the paddle.  By that time I was squirming in my own seat, hearing how bad it was for her, knowing it was about to be worse for me.  Because fucking Emilio had to leave me stranded and I couldn’t just come back home like expected.  I was going to spank him for that!  

When the paddling stopped, I began chewing on my fingernail, thumping my leg, because I knew I was next.  I suddenly was really interested in what the cop on duty was saying on his phone call.  There were soft mutterings in the punishment room, which I knew was Ramon giving her a final hug while she sobbed into his chest.  And then…

The doorknob clicked and the door squeaked open.  Caro emerged first, hands on her bottom, face stained with tears, hair matted to her forehead, eyes all red and puffy.  Yikes.

Ramon poked his head out.  “Noelia,” he bellowed in his best authoritative dad-cop voice. 

I jumped slightly in my chair as Caro sniffled, shuffling towards me, easing down on the bench.  

“Let’s go,” Ramon urged, standing to the side so I could go inside.

callie

I couldn't get into writing Joeie because of her age... like it felt fine to think about, but any time I tried to write anything, it felt weird.  But I wanted to keep Jeremy and Justin because... a part of me does want to be Joeie, I just can't write about it in the same way these days.  So I decided to figure out a happy medium... a grad school student who eventually wants to be treated like a little sister.  

x-x-x

The phone call came only a few hours after I arrived alone at my new grad school home in New Jersey (as far away from my hometown as I could get).  It was from my social work fieldwork advisor, and her tone gave away the bad news before she could break it to me.  

“Sorry, Callie, they weren’t able to approve your request.  You’ll have to find a different field placement.”

I let out an exasperated groan.  I’d found the perfect nonprofit to work with, where I’d be able to use my Spanish skills to help immigrants.  The problem was that the supervisor wasn’t a licensed social worker, so couldn’t sign off on my internship hours.  FML.  Now there wouldn’t be much left.

“Maybe I have another opportunity you’d be interested in.  You’ll also be able to work with the Spanish-speaking population, helping out with, like, domestic disputes.”

Why did this start sounding like an episode of Cops?  “What do you mean?  I don’t really want to do therapy…”

weekend trip

I decided to go a different direction with this but... this is where i started 🥰

x-x-x

Caro came to get Noelia and me from the university, where we were doing homework (AKA hanging out and gossiping).  Before she opened her mouth, I knew something was wrong.

“Ramon came into the shop and wants to talk with all of us.”

Noelia scrunched up her nose.  “Ramon?  Why? What does he want?” 

“He didn’t say but I think…”

“Don’t jinx it!” I said, but it was too late.

“... he knows.”

“Fuuuuuuck,” Noelia said, and I could see her heart dropping to her stomach.  “What are we gonna do?”

bell tower

 

“Lexi! What are you doing up there?  Get down here, right now!”

“Just a minute!” I shouted back at Tavo, not bothering to look back because I was in the middle of taking a long exposure shot of the bell with the town behind.  

“You’re not allowed in the bell tower!  How did you get in there anyway?”

“The door was unlocked!”

I heard him grumble something as I checked out my shot, wanting to move the angle just slightly…

“I said get down here, now!  Don’t make me come up there and get you.”

camping

“I got it from Greta’s bag.  She’ll never notice it's missing, she had like forty in there.”  

“Noelia!!  No!  We can’t.”  Caro spoke in a hushed tone even though everyone was far enough away they wouldn’t hear us anyway.

“Ceci, don’t go off too far,” Noelia said, to which Ceci waved her off.

“Did you get a lighter?” I asked.

Noelia grinned, digging into her other pocket.  “Of course I did.”

“Lexi, stop being a bad influence.  Noelia, we can’t.  Ramon would kill us!  And Mateo!  We’d be toast.”

“Dude, Caro, you actually need the weed, because what the fuck.  Chill out.” 

astrophotography

“I’m ready to take my camera to the wilderness.  Monte Seco looks pretty close on the map.  Maybe I’ll go today… clear night, new moon…”

“No.”  

I glanced over at Mateo, not having realized he was even listening to my conversation as he scrambled eggs over the stove.

Noelia rolled her eyes.  “He’s so over-protective sometimes.”

“I noticed,” I said, breaking off a piece of bread and popping it in my mouth.  “How far is it anyway?”

“By car?  Maybe an hour and a half, depending on road conditions.  Probably muddy, right Mat?”

He brought the skillet over, scraping eggs onto each of our plates.  “Not tonight, Lexi.  I’ll take you another weekend.  No buses stop near there, especially this time of year.”

I let out a whine.  “Ugh but I haven’t been able to go anywhere at allllllll.  I’m getting so bored.”

“Imagine living here 19 years,” Noelia said with an eyeroll.

Mateo eyed his little sister.  “If you’re so bored, you can organize the shop like I’ve asked you to a hundred times.”

“Booooooorrrrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnnnnnnggggggg!” 

The two of them playfully bickered for a while as I stuffed my face quickly, wondering whose car I could borrow to go to the national park.  I didn’t know many people, and the ones I did know were too associated with Mateo to ask for this particular favor.  

San Pancracio world

this wasn't meant to be a story... it was just going to be the timeline before the story. but... it's kind of a mixture of both 🤷‍♀️

-----

I found out about San Pancracio on an obscure spanking website, with clips from a movie and a short blurb about it being one of the few places that uses corporal punishment on adults. My imagination went wild – what it would be like to live in a place like this. I instantly scoured the internet for more information, digging around until I found the entire documentary on a pirate website. Yes, I infected my school laptop with viruses just for the sake of spanking. What would they do, spank me? As if they’d even notice.

The documentary was from the early-90s, hazy quality and badly translated Spanish. An hour and a half of some white girl claiming abuse and sexism. Clearly editing her footage to support the narrative that this traditional culture should be abolished.

I wanted to know more, but there was just nothing online about it. From the documentary, I gathered that adults engage in this process and the council of elders decides whether someone should get punished. Anyone who breaks a law could get strapped in a semi-public way. For minor offenses, it’s common for the head of household to administer the spanking.

Seriously, I couldn’t have dreamt up a fictional town this good!

i don't even know if this makes sense but it's something

"Tell me how you really feel," Gabe teased, finding amusement out of my annoyance.

"It's just not fair, how does everyone else get to go through life being detached and just fine with it.  Not needing anybody.  Not feeling lonely.  Not... dealing with all this bullshit."  I gave what I hoped would pass as a huff, though it was actually just me sucking in my tears.  Last thing I needed right now was pity.

Even though Gabe doesn't do pity.

But when I glanced up, I could tell that he saw through my fake-huffing. It wasn't pity but still an uncommon expression in his eyes... compassion?

things i write in public on an airplane 😈

(additions to next chapter i might post)

-----

Violet’s thoughts waking up:

Ugh this is such fucking bullshit having to wake up at the ass crack of dawn just to go do some stupid fucking exercises because my dumbass decided to make this deal with Izaak. I know, that’s not the real problem – it’s Clo.  How am I supposed to spend the weekend with her lying to my face like this?  I mean, there’s a slim possibility that she isn’t Pattie… and my mission is to solely get more evidence before ratting her out to Gabe or anyone else.

Maybe there’s something here that would help me figure it out?  Note to self: check her room for anything suspicious.  Also, get intel from Izaak.

Does he know?

snippets

"Riley, spit it out, what did you see?"

Her eyes were wide, glossy, horrors written all over them.  I didn't want to actually know.  She didn't want to tell me.  But we both knew what she'd seen.  "Andy... he's... they're... they bring girls.  And.  Sell them."

Clo gasped.  

I growled.  "That motherfucker.  If I had a fuckin' gun..."  Instead of completing that sentence, I grumbled to myself, pacing Molly's room.  

"We have to get the memory card.  I'll turn it into the cops... to this... Agent Booth or whatever."

x-x-x-x

The banging sounded official, especially when followed by a man's shouting, "FBI."

I shivered as Violet hopped up from the couch, almost too enthusiastic about letting them in.  I know she was just anxious and needed to move.  My anxiety just wanted me to crawl inside myself, disappear entirely, never have to deal with any of this.

Even more so when the man walked in, dress shirt with tie, FBI badge clipped to his belt, and I looked up to see... "Lieutenant Payne?"

what everyone is doing right now

(lol things I write to try to get back into a regular routine...) 

Molly lays curled up on her bed with Crackers, scrolling on her phone.

Chloe is listening to a podcast while drawing something on her ipad.  

Violet's in bed already, probably masturbating before passing out to sleep.

Gabe is on the couch, finishing up some work while the tv hums out sports highlights in the background.  

Toby is reading a fiction novel... a paperback, because the goal is to reduce screen time before sleeping.

Izaak, of course, is snoring, having been asleep already for at least an hour.

lol not much but something

"Why won't you tell him?"

"I just told youuuuuuu... he'd be in trouble at work..."

"He will be in trouble anyway."

"No he won't..."

There was an awkward silence as I waited for Toby to argue back at me.  

riley's story

I'd always liked Violeta.  She was the only one who paid attention to me when I was a kid, always the loner, always doing some weird shit off in the corner by myself.  She didn't mock me, didn't try to make me come out of my shell.  Yeah some light teasing maybe, but mostly she just let me be.  

So when she texted me for help, I couldn't say no.  But I should have known to advise against Dominic's.  That place has eyes everywhere.

My first clue was when Andy barged into my lair without so much as a knock.  He completely ignored my glare, as he always did.  "Leo told me you got dirt."

Even if I wanted to deny it, I couldn't — the video still was literally up on my screen in that moment.  "I just hacked into it."

Andy traipsed across the room as if he owned the place, leaning over my shoulder way too close to me.  

therapy session with Riley

I logged into zoom, almost exactly on time, no sign of Riley yet.  The paperwork that had been filled out was minimal — "depressed," "light substance use that worried my friends," "idk if i need therapy but was urged to try it out anyway."  She was recommended to me by a colleague who said we'd be a good fit, which I recently learned means that she probably has a schizoid-ish personality style.  My favorite.

The notification popped up, telling me that "riley (she/they)" signed into the waiting room.  Exactly 1 minute late.  I clicked to let her in, and her image immediately popped up (fast computer/internet!).  She has black and pink hair pulled back in a ponytail, cat ear headphones, and was sitting in what looked like the comfiest gamer-chair ever.  I was immediately jealous. 

"Hey Riley, I'm Breanna, it's nice to meet you."

future scene maybe

It'd gotten bad. I didn't want to admit it. The first *real* relapse since I'd quit smoking weed. The other times didn't really count. But this time... ugh it was bad.

Even Booth noticed. His concern was brief- "Mol... you good?" and of course I assured him I was. And he knew I was lying, but didn't push it. That's how people always are with me, I shouldn't really expect any differently. But sometimes it sucks when they don't try to pry it out of me. Even though I shouldn't make them.

But Gabe and Izaak BOTH had left me. And I didn't fucking care. Because I have weed. And weed never leaves me.

"Hey, what the fuck, I've been waiting for you and texting? Why haven't you answered?" That was Vic, standing in the entrance of my lonely bedroom where I laid, still in pjs and bedhead, puffing on my vape pen and scrolling through tiktok.

"Oh, hey, sorry, I guess I lost track of time."

Chloe

A weird calmness took over after Violet asked me.  I'd been carrying around this anxiety of getting caught for weeks... probably since I moved here.  And now... the uncertainty was over.  She knew.  She didn't have evidence.  She was ready to start digging.  She asked me.

And I didn't fucking tell her.

Why can't I be a normal person and just be honest?

Con artist genetics, maybe?  My dad passed it down to me?

Part of me wanted to tell her... she just asked me at the wrong time.  I hadn't expected it.  Hadn't realized she knew already.  So I just slipped into my default mode.  

Don't get caught.

As Violet breathed softly beside me, I did something I never do — planned.  I visualized the memory card, tucked away near my laptop and iPad.  I'd take it to a cafe, switch my face with someone else who would have been a minor when Winters and I fucked around, so they wouldn't want to get her involved.  Then give the memory card to Violet like I'd been the one who cracked it myself and found all this great evidence in Sage's basement.  Then they'd have nothing on me.  

Then I could have the best of both worlds.

x-x-x-x

I was floaty all day, plastering a smile on my face so nobody questioned me, probably didn't even notice that deep inside I was petrified... even I didn't really notice.

My mind drifted in and out of daydreams.  

Winters.  

chloe winters flashback

As I worked on the image, my mind drifted, somehow thinking of the old days as easier times. Deep down, I knew the reality... the loneliness, misery, existential dread. But right now, the dark pieces were boxed up neatly as I thought of the late night chats with Sage. The lavish hotel penthouses. The detached relationships. The adrenaline rush of ending said relationships with blackmail. That was the life.

It was just so simple back then. There were rules. A structure. All set up by Sage, who gave me the instructions and risks then let me proceed. I had a clear mission. My job was to just make people fall for me, which is easy.

Winters loved me from the beginning. Well, as capable of love as that psychopath can be. He admired my beauty. Enjoyed feeling like a big and powerful MAN. Got so wrapped up in the power trip that it was easy to learn shit about him.

another random scene

Restless. Uncomfortable. Sweaty. Just needed Gabe.

It was the first night without him at the beach house, and my 21st day of sobriety. We were all proud of me, I guess. There were all these hopes and expectations I'd had... like maybe I'd figure out my career path or be able to resolve my abandonment issues because I'm taking care of myself now... but the only thing I had to show was a streak of vivid weird dreams and a pit of loneliness that fueled cravings and self-hatred.

And now... Izaak choosing to sleep in the other room... did he hate me?

I tried to do that thing I'd do with my clients. "Why would he hate you?" "Because I suck." "What have you done that sucks?" And then I start listing everything off, which makes me just want weed more, and totally isn't where that therapy exercise is supposed to go. Which also sends me deeper into a spiral, but at least tonight I was able to stop it, because I am clearly not going to figure out my career even though I’ve been such a good girl with not smoking! So why can’t I do it again?

random future scene

[[not sure where I got this idea from... i think i was just thinking about what kind of scene in a restaurant would warrant being spanked in the car 😈... idk about this scene but i'm rusty and all the practice is good 😂]]

Gabe at the end of the table with that smug look on his face, I was just fucking sick of it by this point. All fucking week, bossing everyone around, acting like he's the king of the world, like we all have to listen to him. God. Give me Izaak any day.

"Earth to Riley. Finish your dinner." Ugh, his tone grated at my nerves.

"It's disgusting, I don't want anymore." For good measure, I pushed the plate aside, then went immediately back to scrolling through reddit posts about self-sustainable housing. Clearly I was ready to move off to a forest by myself. There was just too much peopling required in NYC.

it's been a minute

Molly looked on with extreme guilt, knowing that the reason I hadn't told Gabe about Clo was because of her. And I knew she was trying to step in and change her mind, get me to come clean now, but it wasn't the right time. And she's the one who brought up my rage about this in the first place, like telling me how the system always fucks over everyone. If she wanted me to tell Gabe, she should've said it from the beginning!

And in the moment, I didn't really clock the way Clo and the doc side-eyed each other. The unspoken tension between them. The way Clo shifted in her seat because she'd just gotten a spanking for the very thing I was trying to help her keep hidden.

And Izaak over there, completely oblivious to what was going on, noting my resistance and something "off," but not realizing it had anything to do with Clo.

The whole meeting was moderately tragic. The only upside was that we weren't the ones getting spanked this time... I got to cash in my bet.

Sergeant Douche... the man who always needed to be in powerful positions... the control-freak... the dude who tortured me for 48 hours straight with his ridiculous routine and healthy habits and all that bullshit that I secretly appreciated but outwardly hated every minute of. Here he was, about to submit to me, the fuck up, in front of everyone. I knew what he was giving up (emotionally) to be able to do this in front of everyone. He barely even spanked anyone before... had he even ever been spanked? The fact that he was willing to be vulnerable in front of everyone and let me swing the paddle on him... umm... kinda hott.