more videocall

"Yo... no way!" Violet said after I finally spilled the beans.

"You really didn't know?  I assumed you would be eavesdropping on all of Izaak's conversations."

"Nah sis, 99% of his convos are boring as fuck, I stopped listening a long time ago. And anyway, he has this thing about privacy and the first week we were in Egypt he taught me all about boundaries."  She winced, undoubtedly remembering the spankings she'd gotten.  "But what are you gonna do?  What did Gabe say?  Does Vic know?"

"I dunno," I said, a blanket response to all three questions.  I wanted to turn the convo back to Violet, find out more about this week of learning about boundaries, but remembered Izaak's strong encouragement to let her help me.  "I'm really scared..."  I broke off, continuing to fight the urge to change the subject.  Why was this so hard?  

"That you won't find another job?"

"Not exactly..." I began, thinking about it for a moment.  "Like Toby said he wouldn't give me a bad recommendation or anything... but he isn't sure I should keep doing therapy at all..." Normally she would've interrupted with a question or comment, but now she just sat there quietly, resisting any urges to inject her two cents.  "And maybe he's right... because he usually is... but then what else am I going to do with my life?  I've spent a lot of time and energy on this career..."

videocall continued

"I have already spoken to Toby, so I know what happened."

Uncertain how to respond, I chewed on my fingernail, looking down at the floor.

"Violet doesn't know, but you are going to tell her and allow her to support you."  I looked up at him to argue, but knew there was no use.  He was wearing his stubborn face, which meant no matter how compelling my argument, I would lose.  "You need your family right now.  Lean on us for support."

I nodded, holding back my tears as I admitted, "I feel so ashamed..."

"You should," Izaak responded simply.  The bluntness threw me for a loop — Toby and Gabe had been tiptoeing around my emotions, careful not to say anything that would send me in a spiral.  Izaak rarely offered me that courtesy.  If he thought it needed to be said, I was going to hear it.  "Getting high before work is disrespectful to your client, your career, and yourself.  If I were there right now, you would be getting the spanking of your life, kiddo.  I'm surprised Gabe hasn't done it yet."

My heart thumped against my chest as I imagined how this week away would have been with Izaak.  Yikes... he'd probably have me getting up at dawn and exercising all the time and eating healthy and shit... suddenly I felt grateful for Gabe 😅

"How do you know he hasn't?" I finally asked.

Videocall

“Bro, where ya at? You must be with gabe cuz no way you’re out of bed this early on your own.”

I rolled my eyes as violet inspected the background of my video image. Izaak sat next to her, shaking his head in amusement.

“You look good,” I told him, feeling his energy more alive and hopeful than I ever remember him being.

“I’ve been working on myself,” he reminded me, “and it’s helping a lot.”

“Any new insights or big moments?”

“The beach house!” Violet nearly shouted, finally recognizing something. “Why are you there with gabe? Shouldn’t you be snoozing your alarm for another hour until it’s time to drag yourself out of bed for work? You’re not sick-looking. Why aren’t you working today?”

“Are you spending your vacation learning how to be a detective?” I snapped back.

Izaak gave violet a mean look, enough to make her submissively settle down a little. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to rudely interrupt,” she said sincerely, which caught me by surprise. Of course then she added back in her near-shout, “but somethings off and I know you’ll keep this conversation about me and izaak unless we make you tell us.”

“When did YOU get so perceptive??” I joked.

“Izaaks not the only one workin’ on himself. So cmon, spill it.”

I looked at Izaak to see whose side he was on, and I was outnumbered. Rolling my eyes, I said, “I’m not working today. I have the week off, no big deal. I would prefer to hear about your trip.”

“No you wouldn’t, you just want to avoid talking about yourself.”

“Why do you sound so much like Toby??”

“Ohhh I bet Toby would tell me what’s up with you…”

“No!” I said a little too passionately. “I mean, he’s working, no need to bother him.”

Violet opened her mouth to say more but izaak cut her off. “Can you give us a minute please,” he asked politely, and she opened her mouth to argue, but his dominance took over and shut her up. She grumbled something under her breath and said she’d be back later, and left.

Now izaak turned to me, giving the same look he’d been holding for violet, which made my tummy twist up into knots.

Almost missed my train stop…

Toby sat across from me, knees almost touching mine as he gave me the most serious and compassionate look, though his eye contact was intense. “I really need you to think about what you want out of life. I know you were taught to put others first and not have your own opinion — and there are some benefits to that… I’m just speaking from my own experience. I almost killed myself getting through med school because it was too much. I had to re-examine if it’s really what I wanted or what my ego wanted. Then I had to change my lifestyle to fit the field I was getting into. I’d advise you to do the same.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond without getting defensive and yelling that I’m not him, my ego doesn’t drive my decisions like it does for him, but I figured he wouldn’t like that.

He’s psychic though. “I know we’re different people and I’m projecting onto you a little, which is why I believe you should think about it. Take some time — without weed or other mind altering substances — and see what the different parts of yourself are saying. Because getting caught with drugs at work is serious… I know you feel ashamed, but I need you to look me in the eyes, please.” I gulped and glanced back up at him. “It is serious and unethical at best. Which part of you thinks it’s okay to get high before working with a minor?”

I shrugged.

He paused to convince me to answer, but I broke eye contact again, also not daring to look at gabe who sat beside me watching the interaction.

Toby gave me a long time to respond before sighing. “I can see you’re not ready to dig into it yet, and that’s okay. I’m going to meet you where you’re at and not apply pressure.”

He placed a caring hand on my thigh, causing me to slightly flinch because I hadn’t expected it, and when I finally glanced back up at him, I saw his sternness had faded and now he felt like hippie Toby that I’d met years ago and just enjoyed being free and let loose. I knew part of him also didn’t see anything wrong with smoking before work (maybe?) but he had changed over the years. He knew something I didn’t. He had figured out the consequences before it got out of hand.

“I should go.” Toby glanced at gabe. “Thank you for looking after Molly so much. As her friend and surrogate older brother, I appreciate it.”

Hmm…

“Okay Molly, you’ve had a few days of avoiding the subject, but now we’re going to talk about it…”

“Noooo,” I whined, giving him a puppy face I was sure would work.

It didn’t. “Yes,” gabe responded sternly with a look that told me if I wanted to keep arguing, I’d be doing it over his knee. When i hung my head in response to not having my way, he continued. “How are you feeling about everything?”

“Like I suck. I’m only good at helping people and now I can’t even do that now.”

“Who said you can’t help people anymore?”

“Toby,” I said with an eye roll.

“There are thousands of ways to give service, young lady, and you know it.”

(Idk could also go “who said you’re only good at helping people” but the other way felt right in the moment 🤔)