videocall continued

"I have already spoken to Toby, so I know what happened."

Uncertain how to respond, I chewed on my fingernail, looking down at the floor.

"Violet doesn't know, but you are going to tell her and allow her to support you."  I looked up at him to argue, but knew there was no use.  He was wearing his stubborn face, which meant no matter how compelling my argument, I would lose.  "You need your family right now.  Lean on us for support."

I nodded, holding back my tears as I admitted, "I feel so ashamed..."

"You should," Izaak responded simply.  The bluntness threw me for a loop — Toby and Gabe had been tiptoeing around my emotions, careful not to say anything that would send me in a spiral.  Izaak rarely offered me that courtesy.  If he thought it needed to be said, I was going to hear it.  "Getting high before work is disrespectful to your client, your career, and yourself.  If I were there right now, you would be getting the spanking of your life, kiddo.  I'm surprised Gabe hasn't done it yet."

My heart thumped against my chest as I imagined how this week away would have been with Izaak.  Yikes... he'd probably have me getting up at dawn and exercising all the time and eating healthy and shit... suddenly I felt grateful for Gabe 😅

"How do you know he hasn't?" I finally asked.

"You haven't pushed him hard enough yet.  Gabe and Toby have more patience than you need right now."

My tummy twisted into knots again and I stayed quiet for a minute, then looked up with puppy eyes.  "Are you gonna talk to me more about your trip?"

"After you show remorse for your behavior."  Jeez... I thought my adorableness would get me farther than that.  

"But I am sorry," I said, poking my lower lip out.

"Are you?"

Now I rolled my eyes, giving up the act.  "Fine, I'm not.  I wasn't even high."

He looked at me doubtfully.

"Nobody has any proof of that.  The parent didn't like me because therapy isn't moving fast enough for her liking, but she's the problem anyway..." I didn't continue because Izaak was shaking his head at me.  

"Stop.  You smoked pot before work and got caught.  It is nobody's fault except yours."

I folded my arms but didn't have an argument.

"Why were you smoking before work?"

"I do it everyday and it's fine."  I regretted it as soon as the words were out.

Izaak's eyebrows were raised and now he leaned forward in shock and disappointment.  I was glad for the ocean between us.  "You did what?!"

My voice softer, I said, "Yeah... it's no big deal."

"Molly Riana Collins!"  The use of my full name made me shiver and start chewing on my fingernail again.  "You and I are going to have a long, serious talk when I get back, do you understand?"

"It doesn't matter.  I've already been fired anyway."

"It 100% matters.  It's your duty to show up and do your best.  You owe it to the clients who have trusted you with their care."  He shook his head at me again.  "You know you aren't your best after smoking, and you need to be honest with yourself about it."

As his words sunk in, I started to feel defeated, the wave of guilt and shame finally crashing into me.  The tears wouldn't stay back any longer and I just broke down, blubbering apologies.