gabe/molly continued

"Raise your hips," he ordered, and I felt a pillow brush up against my tummy.  He didn't wait for me to follow his directions (which is a good thing because I wasn't going to), lifting me up to thrust the pillows under, then molded me into the position he wanted.  "Open your eyes!"  

Ughh... more feelings were coming back.  Numbness tried to fight, but it didn't work.  Gabe's booming voice was kind of scary.  Now he was definitely talking to me like he would Violet.  My tummy did not like it.  Eyes stayed closed.

So he grabbed my chin and gave it a little shake until I glared at him.  He was closer to me than allowed with social distancing measures, and I was about to tell him that, but he didn't give me time.  "Do you remember the penalty?" His fingers were tight around my chin to make sure that I could see the disappointment in his eyes as he spoke.  

"I was a kid when we set up that rule, still a noob in the scene.  I'm not scared anymore."  My limit had been the cane... the scariest implement I could think of.  My mind always went back to third grade when a teacher explained canings in Singapore... it still gave me a bad feeling in my tummy, even though I'd seen enough canings to know they weren't as scary as my childhood self thought it'd be.  

"It's going to hurt just as much as that kid thought it would, I can guarantee that.  She would be really disappointed in your behavior."

"No she wouldn't.  She expected this to happen."

... trying ch 16

Jealousy burned in my chest at the thought of how quickly Jason had moved on.  Already had another hoe sleeping at his place.  Had he been talking to her when we were together?  Old me would have wanted to fuck that bitch up.  New me was going to get out my energy with Gabe.

How he stayed in his work clothes all day long is beyond me.  His red tie was slightly loosened and sleeves rolled up.  As he subtly licked his lips, I followed his gaze to my short cut-off jean shorts.  My legs weren't as tone as I'd like, but the shorts still made them look good, and also showed off my butt.  I was finally starting to put the weight back on that I'd lost during the coke daze, and just healthier in general made me a sexy piece of meat for him.  Exactly what I wanted.

"Two-thirds of the list complete.  I think you owe me a reward or somethin'."

"For what??  There is no reward for doing what you should."

I rolled my eyes.  "You're such a dick."

He took a step closer, smirking.  "I'm the one who deserves a reward, for providing motivation."

gabe/molly

reposting the beginning to keep it all together 

----

Numb.  No feeling.  Just blank.  Nothingness.  Dark.  Silent.  

My phone stayed on Do Not Disturb, though several banners of ignored text messages and emails waited for my attention.  I tried to clear the notifications daily — usually it was just my patients checking in to ask when I'd be back at virtual therapy.  Never! I wanted to respond, but instead copied the same message to them all:  Still taking care of family matters.  Will update you asap.

I would have expected the tall figure to barge into my space had I checked my notifications that day.  So far I'd kept my circle of friends out of the loop with the funk I'd been in — Toby was too busy, Gabe too cold, Izaak too busy and too cold.  Violet and Chloe were too annoying and had been entertained with each other, making it easier for me to hide in the shadows.  

But there was one person I'd forgotten about:  Vic.  Being stuck in California with an opposite schedule made it more difficult for him to stay in touch, but we knew each other better than anyone else.  If I'd seen the three text messages and two missed called, I would've known he'd do something stupid like send someone to check on me.

"Did you get bitten by a vampire?  Why is it so dark in here?" Gabe asked, flipping on the light.

I moved my head slightly to bury my face more into the pillow, disturbed by the brightened atmosphere, but apathetic.  The door clicked shut and Gabe's footsteps became louder.  

random convo chloe&violet

"Dude, Clo, I feel like we dunno nothing about each other."  

"What do you wanna know?"  She passed me the vape pen and I paused to listen for Izaak's snoring before I accepted.  

"What's your fam like?... Oof, I can see that's a sensitive subject...."

"You didn't learn about my father in your research?"  I definitely needed more THC if we were going to have this conversation.  I was kind of at Violet's mercy now that she knew my secret.  

"Maybe.  But I wanna know the real story.  Go ahead, have another hit if you need it.  Sergeant Douche is fast asleep, he won't catch you."  I could feel her evil grin as I took an extra long puff, which sent me into a coughing fit that should've waken my spanker, but didn't.

When I could finally breathe again, and Violet stopped laughing at my inability to handle my weed, I said, "He's a con, there's not much to know.  The typical kind, like you'd see on tv.  Physically appealing, but his main weapon is charm."

"He taught you well."

I was too high to glare at her.  "When I was little, right after my mom left, he took me with him.  He used me.  It was genius.  People never suspected a single father to rip them off, and definitely didn't expect the 7 year old to sometimes outsmart them."

"Like what'd you do?"

last part izaak/molly

"Apparently not, because here we are again."  The next swat was even harder (I hadn't even realized it was possible for him to go harder!?  Note to self:  kick Violet for turning Izaak into a meaner spanker!).

"Ooowwww but... it's been a long time!" I cried, fingers gripped around his.  "I should get a free pass every so often!"

Another hard swat, followed immediately by two more which caught me by surprise and caused me to reach my left hand back, too.  "There are no free passes when it comes to your life, Molly." Instead of waiting for me to move on my own, he reached for my hand, now pinning both wrists to the small of my back before landing three more hard swats.  "You're lucky that we arrived before you got hurt."

"I wasn't going to get hurt!" I whined, crying out when the paddle landed a few times in quick succession, not allowing me to breathe.  "Waaaiiiittttt nooo!" I pleaded, trying to break free from his grip but he really had a tight hold on me everywhere!  I couldn't kick or reach to cover the swats... this was definitely a side of him I hadn't seen before.  But in the moment, I couldn't appreciate that, just went back into sobbing.  I felt so helpless, so out of control, so defeated.  Emotions I'd been feeling anyway... but actually now didn't feel as scary, because I trusted Izaak with my entire soul, and knew he would take care of me if I'd just let him.

izaak/molly continued

"I don't wanna talk about it."

He shook his head and next thing I knew, I was facing the wooden floor and his large hand was descending on my tight shorts.  I immediately reached back to block, and he caught my hand in his, not missing a beat.  

"Waaaaaaaitttttt!!!  Stopppppp!" I whined, squirming over his lap.  He wasn't even hitting me his hardest — this wasn't the punishment portion of our "talk" by any means — but the position and the clothing and the feeling was just so uncomfortable.  "Ooowwwww... didn't Violet tell you anyway?!"

The spanking stopped for a moment and my bottom tingled, kind of stinging but thankful.  "I don't want to hear about your life from Violet.  I want you to tell me."

Izaak's voice cracked a bit (subtle, something that probably only I'd notice) so I glanced back up at him.  Ugh, immediately back in caregiving mode.  "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."  Tears welling up in my eyes.

"I'm giving you the opportunity to right now."

My lower lip poked out.  "But you've have so much going on..."

He grumbled, now looking more upset as he lifted his hand.  I winced in time to feel its impact, yelping because he wasn't going as soft on me as before.  "I didn't ask for excuses."  Another swat descended, then another, as I finally allowed myself to cry for a minute, head buried in my hands.

If I said it outloud, that made it real.  I wasn't ready for that.

"C'mon, kiddo, let it out," he said with a kinder voice, swatting my bottom again for emphasis.  "What's wrong?"

izaak/molly continued

"You and Adam are over?" Izaak asked over the loud claps of the spanking.

"Owwwww," I squealed, kicking a little.  "Violet told you!  I'm gonna beat her ass tonight for that!"  

The smacks stopped for a second.  "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you have other stuff going on."

He tilted my chin to look up at him, then pushed the sweaty loose strands of hair out of my eyes.  "I apologize for not being attentive."

izaak/molly continued again

The shorts I picked out squeezed against my chunky thighs and my belly poked out under the T-shirt, making me uncomfortable as I brushed the tangles out of my wet hair.  I wrapped the red strands into pigtail braids, staring at how ridiculous I looked in the fogged up mirror.  I'd been so skinny in grad school.  Having Izaak around helped me take care of myself... it was the only time in my adult life that I'd had a "normal" sleeping, eating, and exercising schedule.  

With my hair finished, I sighed and finally emerged from the bathroom.  Izaak stood near the kitchen sweeping, peering up as I passed by and giving a little smirk.

"What??" I asked in a whiny voice.

He leaned the broom against the wall.  "You've grown."

I blushed a little at his observation of my body.  For his personality type (and his job) it was normal for him to notice, but still felt awkward.  And also like I was just a kid.

Izaak now came towards me, placing a hand on my back and nudging me forward.  I obediently allowed him to lead me to the couch, then he tugged me to sit on his lap.  I squirmed a bit, no longer used to him making me sit so close, but he wrapped his arms around my waist so I couldn't scoot away.

"What happened that you thought it'd be a good idea to pull such a dangerous stunt last night?"  His tone was kind, but firm.  It made everything in my body quiver, and I hung my head, unable to face him.

"Her boyfriend was just being awful and..."

izaak/molly continued

You aren't good enough the voice echoed in my head, reminding me that I wouldn't be in this situation if I were a better therapist and had somehow convinced my client to avoid this relationship in the first place.  I had seen it coming.  I had known that it would end this way, but I hadn't said anything, even though I probably had the pull to convince her.  It's just not really my place.  But the guilt was still there.  

x-x-x-x

I woke up with a jolt, then whimpered as I realized I was in Izaak's living room and it hadn't all been a dream.  My back ached from the futon, reminding me of the times I'd stayed with him in the past.  It was usually a similar scenario — he begrudgingly rescued me from an altruistic adventure, then tried to scold me during the ride home, and I cried so much that my arguments couldn't be heard, until we arrived at his apartment, making up the futon for me and promising to talk about it in the morning.

Eek... that feeling in my tummy at what usually followed.  

But again, my heart.  It ached so much... not only from my client, but Adam....

The sound of the front door opening startled me out of that spiral, and I looked up to see Izaak, coffee and bag of food in hand.  "Good morning, sunshine," he said with a bright smile.  

I groaned, blushing and covering my face.  My stomach was churning again.  Dread.  

"Come on, I have breakfast.  Your favorite."