Almost missed my train stop…

Toby sat across from me, knees almost touching mine as he gave me the most serious and compassionate look, though his eye contact was intense. “I really need you to think about what you want out of life. I know you were taught to put others first and not have your own opinion — and there are some benefits to that… I’m just speaking from my own experience. I almost killed myself getting through med school because it was too much. I had to re-examine if it’s really what I wanted or what my ego wanted. Then I had to change my lifestyle to fit the field I was getting into. I’d advise you to do the same.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond without getting defensive and yelling that I’m not him, my ego doesn’t drive my decisions like it does for him, but I figured he wouldn’t like that.

He’s psychic though. “I know we’re different people and I’m projecting onto you a little, which is why I believe you should think about it. Take some time — without weed or other mind altering substances — and see what the different parts of yourself are saying. Because getting caught with drugs at work is serious… I know you feel ashamed, but I need you to look me in the eyes, please.” I gulped and glanced back up at him. “It is serious and unethical at best. Which part of you thinks it’s okay to get high before working with a minor?”

I shrugged.

He paused to convince me to answer, but I broke eye contact again, also not daring to look at gabe who sat beside me watching the interaction.

Toby gave me a long time to respond before sighing. “I can see you’re not ready to dig into it yet, and that’s okay. I’m going to meet you where you’re at and not apply pressure.”

He placed a caring hand on my thigh, causing me to slightly flinch because I hadn’t expected it, and when I finally glanced back up at him, I saw his sternness had faded and now he felt like hippie Toby that I’d met years ago and just enjoyed being free and let loose. I knew part of him also didn’t see anything wrong with smoking before work (maybe?) but he had changed over the years. He knew something I didn’t. He had figured out the consequences before it got out of hand.

“I should go.” Toby glanced at gabe. “Thank you for looking after Molly so much. As her friend and surrogate older brother, I appreciate it.”