future scene maybe

It'd gotten bad. I didn't want to admit it. The first *real* relapse since I'd quit smoking weed. The other times didn't really count. But this time... ugh it was bad.

Even Booth noticed. His concern was brief- "Mol... you good?" and of course I assured him I was. And he knew I was lying, but didn't push it. That's how people always are with me, I shouldn't really expect any differently. But sometimes it sucks when they don't try to pry it out of me. Even though I shouldn't make them.

But Gabe and Izaak BOTH had left me. And I didn't fucking care. Because I have weed. And weed never leaves me.

"Hey, what the fuck, I've been waiting for you and texting? Why haven't you answered?" That was Vic, standing in the entrance of my lonely bedroom where I laid, still in pjs and bedhead, puffing on my vape pen and scrolling through tiktok.

"Oh, hey, sorry, I guess I lost track of time."

Vic had the nerve to narrow his eyes at me, looking a little too similar to Violet in that moment. "That's been happening a lot lately."

I sighed. "Sorry, I'll be better with it once Izaak's trial is over. I know I shouldn't be anxious, but..."

My husband knew what I was up to, but he also understood it, so didn't pressure me to change like his boyfriend would have. Instead, he softened. "Are you going to be okay with me and Toby gone? Are you sure you don't want me to cancel our trip?"

"Of course not! I'll be fine. I am fine. I'll go out for more walks. I promise. You guys need the time away and you'll get some content for us to use."

Vic smiled and came in for a bear hug, swiping a hit off my vape pen, and then leaving me to my technology.

See what I mean about how people always are with me?

I sank back into the tiktok rabbit hole, still in bed when Chloe and Riley came home. Instead of having dinner with them, I closed my door and holed up in my room, binging on White Collar and fun-sized chocolate bars until Gabe FaceTimed.

"You finished late tonight," I commented, noticing chocolate smeared on my face and wiping it off.

Gabe gave me an exhausted smile, leaning in towards the screen. "I missed you, too."

"I wasn't laying here obsessively staring at my phone waiting for you to call or anything."

"How was your day? Did you and Vic figure out the segment?"

I squirmed a little, knowing that he already knew the answer before asking. Ugh I missed him so much. "No..."

"Molly..." there was a soft warning in his tone, as if he was more worried than mad, which annoyed me. (Why can't anyone just be mean to me?!)

"How is the trial going? How's Izaak? Are you taking care of his emotions? I wish you had let me come with you."

The slight twitch in his eyebrows signaled that my words stung — he supposedly hated telling me "no" that I couldn't go with him, but that didn't stop him from doing it. He can't be worried if he could've prevented my downward spiral in the first place.

"Everything is going according to plan so far. You know I'm not taking care of anyone's emotions and he'll be able to manage until we get back home. Are you going to try to guilt trip me every time we talk on the phone?"

My cheeks reddened a bit. "I might. What are you gonna do about it?"

"Either I'll deal with it when I'm back home, or I'll call Violet in to substitute."

"Violet's been so busy. I don't even know with what."

Gabe just nodded, not as concerned with her. "What did you have for dinner?"

"Chocolate."

The glare that returned made me almost regret my honesty. Almost. Then that sigh. "Okay. Chinese or Japanese?" He swiped on his phone, clearly clicking on Uber Eats.

"Japanese." Knots formed in my tummy, wishing I were different. Wishing I didn't punish him so harshly for doing what normal adults do. He didn't always give into my "guilt trips" as he called them. But tonight he seemed so tired. "I'm sorry," I added as something ugly bubbled inside me.

"I know you are," he said, not looking at me, looking at the food he was ordering for me, clicking away on his phone. Then my phone vibrated with a text from him with the food tracker. Then he looked me in the eyes again. "I'm sorry, too."

We chatted for a while, small talk about the case (whatever funny details he felt like sharing) or about the series I'm watching. It was the best hour of my day, and it ended entirely too fast.

I didn't want to say goodnight. He supposedly didn't either. But he said it anyway.

And then that hollow feeling came back.

And then I filled it with weed and chocolate.

x-x-x-x

Hey, everything okay? Haven't seen you much...
Vic said you were just gonna send over the rest of that segment for me to edit?
I'd need it by tomorrow night if possible...
Friday night absolute latest...
Ok, lmk.

That was Chloe. She was good at taking a hint. But she needed me to actually do my fucking work. And it was already after midnight now. I'd done nothing.

But I just couldn't. Not in this state of mind. Not without...

There was a pang in my stomach as I thought about how Gabe would react to me getting back in touch with Violet's old dealer, getting adderall again. As the smile crept across my face, I noticed my heart jump a little at the idea. Part of me knew this was dangerous territory... Gabe would see it as a serious trust violation. Which is BAD! (but also good? because then I can get a *real* punishment).

My heart thumped against my chest as I opened a blank text. With shaky fingers I typed in the dealer's name.

Next thing I know, It's nearly 1am and I'm walking through Violet's old hood to get a ziplock bag of "adderall-like" pills. Who knows what the fuck they are. I'm still in this constant depression+weed haze. When I text "I'm here," an apartment door opens and I'm waved inside. It's a group of guys smoking weed while playing video games and listening to music. The kind of life I was supposed to have when we moved into our house together. I wondered if dealer [idk his name 😂🤷‍♀️] ever got lonely.

I stuffed the baggy in my pocket and handed him a wad of cash. He offered me other drug options, and oof the temptation to get the one that shares my name... but I politely declined. The adderall(ish) was to help with focus, so I could get work done. As much as I wanted MDMA, I'd need to save that for a night with friends, not a revenge-on-Gabe... I mean... um... a help-me-with-work. 😇

Feeling slightly pleased with myself, I left the apartment with my head held high and a little pep in my step because... yayy! drugs!!

And then a gigantic hand clapped down on my shoulder and I almost jumped out of my skin.

"What the fuck did you just do?"

I recognized the voice, but it had never used that tone with me. "Booth? What are you doing here? You scared the shit out of me!" I placed a hand over my heart and looked up at him, tummy twisting into knots as I saw the expression on his face.

"Move," he ordered, nudging me forward.

Damn, whatever positive feelings I'd had a few minutes ago were now completely flipped into anxiety and dread, because I knew what was coming, even if I didn't actually know what was coming. "Why are you here? Where did you come from?"

"I could ask you the same, but I already know."

My heart stopped, and so did I, until he pushed me forward and I was again walking towards his truck. "What do you mean?"

Without a word, he reached into my pocket and took out the pills.

"Wait... what... how..."

Now we'd arrived at his truck and he opened the passenger's door. "Get in."

Ugh I was suddenly hating this haze because I wasn't sure how to respond. What is he even doing? What's happening right now. "Can you..."

"Get. In." It was punctuated with a firmness that I wasn't ready to test, so I gulped and scooted inside. He slammed the door so hard that the whole truck shook.

In the time it took him to go around to the driver's side, I did a quick check in with my body — scared or excited? Both? It seems like both. Also confused.

Booth plopped down next to me and jammed the keys in the ignition. "What the hell, Molly." I wasn't sure if that was a question, but he didn't give me much time to answer. "You're out here buying drugs in the middle of the night, do you even know what you're getting?" He held up the bag. "A mysterious drug, right?" He took a pill out, inspecting it. "What is this supposed to be?"

His stare was fierce. But what was he actually going to do? He wouldn't arrest me (right?). Worst (best) case scenario, he would just tell Gabe and/or Izaak and let them deal with me. So I said exactly what was on my mind. "Why are you here?"

He didn't like that 😅. "I'm losing my patience. Answer me. What is this supposed to be?"

Suddenly I didn't doubt that he'd spank me himself if necessary (or would he?). Some kind of authority oozed out of him. It made me feel really small. "Adderall," I said, trying to be brave and look him in the eyes, but failing and kind of cowering into the corner of the truck.

"Why."

I shrugged.

He let out a sigh that told me he was done asking questions. Then he turned on the car and pulled off.

It was a deathly silent drive, not even the radio was on. I reached for the dial and he let out a sharp, "don't."

Then I gave a pathetic sigh and kind of whined a bit. "Why are you being so mean?"

"You're out in a dangerous neighborhood in the middle of the night buying some mystery drug from a known gang affiliate. You've been high off your ass for days, avoiding everyone, rejecting help. It's pissing me off."

My face fell into a puppy frown, not having expected it to turn in that direction. "I'm sorry."

"No you're not."

Ouch 😅

Then I noticed something... we weren't actually going in the direction of my apartment...

"Hey wait... where are we...?"

"You're staying with me tonight. You clearly need someone to look after you."

"But..."

"It's non-negotiable."

I gulped, remembering Chloe talk about the punishments she'd received from them. Booth was different... not a spanko... just kind of... a byproduct of our lifestyle because of his relationship with Chloe. In this moment, I understood why Chloe had suggested that he spank her. There's no way I could deal with him being this mad and cold with me. I'd need the spanking to feel better!

Part of me wanted to ask him to spank me. But I could never. Anyway, it would be better for him to tell Gabe.

He pulled into the parking spot. "Out," he said, as if I wouldn't have done that without his command.

As we walked towards the building, I took out my vape pen, about to suck on that for a moment, keep the buzz going, but before it even hit my lips he'd already snatched it away. "Hey!!" I said, reaching to get it back. "I didn't consent to you taking my legal weed."

"I don't care." And he just kept walking.

Grrrrr. I scampered ahead because he walks faster than me, climbing the stairs behind him, finally arriving at his small apartment.

He emptied his pockets, putting my vape pen and baggy of pills right there in plain sight. He saw me eyeing them. "You will NOT touch these."

I snorted a little. "Uh huh. Okay."

His eyebrows raised. "You're really acting like a brat right now. Do I need to treat you like one?"

Even though my tummy dropped, I let out a slight laugh. "You can't do that. You're not... you know. In the scene."