violet's midnight meeting

It was half past midnight when I arrived at Dominic's, and Clo was already sitting in a booth, scrolling through her phone.  Our usual drinks sat in front of her, glasses filled to the brim.  

"Hey," I said as I slid in across from her.

She looked up from her phone, smiling up at me.  "Today's meeting was tense."

I nodded.  "You didn't have to order me this... I think I'm giving up on drinking for a while."

Clo's eyebrows raised.  "Guess I'll have to drink both."  Then she took a sip of her mojito.  "Do you think Molly's okay?  And Toby?  What the hell happened today?"

"This isn't what we're here to talk about."  The anger burned in my chest, half-blaming Clo for the mess that had ensued, even though Molly was the one who made the mistake.  Clo had also made a mistake, though, and not telling Gabe was killing me... and after today, it didn't seem like a good time to rock the boat again.

"I know.  But I'm genuinely worried about them.  They've become my family, too..."

violet + riley

I had been trying all day to get into the fucking memory card, with no luck.  The pressure from Gabe had lit a (literal and figurative) fire under my ass, prompting me to figure out some actual proof before our meeting Wednesday.  I didn't want to go in empty handed, but mostly I didn't want to take the chance of turning Clo in without proof.  

When I finally packed up for the day and headed out of the office, I made the executive decision to go to Dominic's.  The coke cravings were still real, despite the caning I'd received earlier.  I silently wondered if it would be possible to get a few bumps without anyone ever finding out.  Maybe I could even just get a little baggy?  I could hide it in the inner pocket of my suitcase... 

My thought was cut off by a text message.

What time are we meeting?

Ugh Gabe... setting me up a meeting with Toby as if I didn't have better things to do.  But I had to go, otherwise he would be suspicious of me and beat the truth out.  I hurriedly typed out a response — can i come now?

I didn't wait for a response before descending to the train platform heading in his direction.  At least maybe Toby could get me a prescription for Molly.

x-x-x-x

"You and Gabe all chummy now?  It's fuckin' weird, bro.  What's up with that?"

Toby's expression remained flat as he closed the door behind me.  "We're here to talk about you."

trying to get back into writing

Violet's intensity was scaring me.  "Please don't tell anyone... just give me some time, I'll figure something out..."

"Bro," she began, shaking her head.  "I ain't promising shit.  How long you been a con artist?  I need the details."  

I ignored the way my stomach twisted in knots, straightening up and steadying my breathing.  "I'll tell you everything... just please... Gabe can't know... and Izaak..."

"You really think Sergeant Douche is that clueless?"  She cocked an eyebrow, folding her arms as she leaned back, giving me a glare that sent a chill down my spine.

He has to be, I thought, or he wouldn't still keep me around, right? "It started when my granny got sick..."

"Don't play the pity card," she warned, taking a sip of her drink but urging me to continue.

"I don't need your pity."  The conviction in my voice surprised both of us.  I cleared my throat.  "She needed care that I couldn't provide.  There aren't many quick way to make money... and you've seen me, there's no way I could pull off being a drug dealer."

"What about dear ol' dad?  He didn't have his own con money to share?"

I shook my head.  "He was already in jail.  All his resources had been used up for a legal defense, which obviously didn't work it.  It was just granny and me.  I was like 20... working shitty part time jobs."

"Izaak had already left."  Framed more as a statement, but I nodded anyway.  "Would you have done it if he hadn't?"

"Who knows.  I was desperate and men are usually easy to trick."

violet's relapse

"Just think, if you were smart enough to figure out how to hack the memory card yourself, you wouldn't be in this situation."  Andy paced in front of me with a menacing grin.

I glared, feeling the fire ignite in my chest, getting me ready to kick his ass.  "No, I wouldn't be in this situation if you'd mind your own fuckin' business and stop tryin' to get into mine."

"Told ya I ain't rollin' with kids anymore.  Your friend fucked with me, and I fuck back harder."

"What do you want, Andy," I said through clenched teeth.

"Revenge."

"Nah bro, I wouldn't be here if that was all.  There's a reason you haven't released the video yet.  What the fuck do you want?"

"There's a poker game tonight on 49th."

"And you want me to hustle."

"Ahh looks like you are a little smarty pants," he said with a laugh, pinching my cheeks.

I swatted him away.  "Then you'll leave me and my friends alone, got it?"

"Sure."

I pushed him up against the wall, hand around his throat.  "I mean it."  

It felt good he was still scared of me.  But the whole scene made me feel disgusting and pathetic.  

We walked to Andy's souped up Audi, I taking the front seat, making his meathead friends stuff themselves into the back.  When he started the car, loud bass shook the speakers and my eardrums.  It felt like I was 17 again.  A pit formed in my stomach, wondering why I'd ever thought this boy was cool, why I allowed myself to get caught up in his charm.  

violet and chloe dialogue

"How could you fucking do this to me?  After everything I told you in confidence."

"This wasn't to you... it just happened..."

"It's my turn to talk and your turn to shut the fuck up and just listen to me."

"But you're yelling at me and I don't like it.  Can't you just spank me and get over it that way?"

"No, I'm too mad.  You want a spanking, go to the doc.  I'm not here to cleanse your guilt.  You're the one who fucked up and betrayed our friendship."

Clo looked so pathetic, giving me those puppy eyes as if pity would dissolve my anger.  "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

"What are you even sorry for?  You haven't let me talk!"

"Sorry... for not letting you talk.  Go ahead."

"Goddammit, Clo.  You're so fucking fake, and so good at it.  You just have those pretty big eyes and pouty lips that get you whatever the fuck you want.  No wonder you're a con."  I shook my head, laughing at my fate.  "I'm not gonna tell Gabe yet, but you better figure out a plan ASAP, you know he's been up my ass about getting this shit done."  The server came with our two shots of tequila, so I downed mine fast, and went ahead and stole Clo's, because she'd just put me in a worse position than I'd already been in.

Of course, Toby would say I was actually just mad at myself for already being in this situation.  I should have told Gabe from the beginning instead of waiting for Clo to come to me with the info.  

not sure if any of this makes sense 😂🤷‍♀️

chloe's feels

It was a tense ride home as scenes from the meeting danced through my mind.  Violet arguing with Gabe and that look she gave me.  It felt like she knew my secret, like she could see right through me.  [[[[and with the memory card gone i have no other choice but to tell her before she tells gabe.  why hasn't she told him already?  i guess she hasn't been able to get into the card.  but where did she go on a lead?  fuck i just need to talk to her... it's my only option]]]]]

Izaak's eyes stayed focused on the road as he rambled about something unimportant.  My intermittent "mmhmms" kept him satisfied enough to continue the chatter as I wondered what to do.  Running was still at the top of my list, but Izaak's protection and my new family made it harder to do that.  Toby's idea to frame somebody sounded good enough and I could find an easy target.  How else could I steer the case in that direction but to tell Violet? [[[[trying to find another way because confronting her will be scary... esp after the way everyone was kinda ganging up against her tonight...]]]]]

ch20 beginning

Since I was in the field gathering evidence most of the afternoon, I decided to duck out of work a little early and pay off the rest of my debts.  It had officially been a week since I used.  The techniques Toby had taught me were enough to distract my cravings as long as I was far away from Dominic's, but after shamefully repaying my old job, Andy and my poker buddies were the only people left on my list.

I was ready to get out of my financial hole, but I wasn't ready to be so close to drugs again, so I decided to stall by going home to change out of work clothes.  It was a hot Monday in late-July... if I had to deal with junkie gangbangers, at least I wanted to be in comfortable clothes.

After changing, I sat in front of Vic's playstation shooting hookers and smoking cigarettes.  The behaviors I do when I'm getting frustrated, according to what I'd learned over the weekend.  But supposedly video games aren't the solution to my problems... at least that's what Toby said.  He was probably right.

I sighed and turned my game off, glancing at the time.  

Don't be afraid to ask for help.  That's what we're here for.

ch25 or 26?

It was a tense ride home as scenes from the party danced through my mind.  Violet arguing with Gabe and that look she gave me.  It felt like she knew my secret, like she could see right through me.  

Izaak's eyes stayed focused on the road as he rambled about something unimportant.  My intermittent "mmhmms" kept him satisfied enough to continue the chatter as I wondered what to do.  Running was still at the top of my list, but Izaak's protection and my new family made it harder to do that.  Toby's idea to frame somebody sounded good enough and Vanessa was an easy target.  How else could I steer the case in that direction but to tell Violet?

The idea of telling her made my heart rate speed up drastically.  Before another panic attack came on, I inhaled deeply, nostrils flaring, ignoring the blurry spots in my vision.  Izaak's voice came back to my consciousness, the calming aura of his deep tone, the slight accent that came out in his "th"s.  He was droning on and on like a lecturing dad, talking about speakers he was thinking of getting, all of the specs and technical features.  

How will he take it when he realizes what I've done?

violet relapse

Izaak's hostile tone stuck with me as I pounded towards Dominic's, fists balled up and teeth clenched.  My head buzzed with profanity and obscene images of bashing my ex-boyfriend's face in.  

"How dare you, motherfucker," I spat upon arrival, finding the drug dealer with his posse leaning against the wall.

"Violeta Esperanza," he cackled.

I skipped the pleasantries and went straight to propelling him against the brick wall, left arm against his throat and right fist high in the air.  "The fuck is wrong with you, bro?  Fuckin' with my friends?  I should knock that gold tooth right out ya head!"  Then he laughed and I decked him right in the nose as hard as I could.

Before I could keep swinging on him, the meatheads grabbed me and shoved me off him, one of them reaching for his gun until Andy stopped him.  "Yo, I told you we was gonna get that bitch.  Stealin' from my crew then tryin' to outsmart me?  I told you not to fuck with me."

Lurching forward again, one of the meatheads caught me and I got a few good swings on him until he slapped me across the face hard, then punched me in the stomach and kicked my thigh until I dropped to the ground, defeated yet adrenaline boiling.

"I told you we ain't a gang of lil kids anymore," Andy said, now pointing his pistol directly at my face.

"Shoot me, motherfucker.  I dare you."  

chloe at dominics

Sitting in the back of the bar, drinking, snorting, playing poker, it was easy to lose track of time.  Despite still being dressed in paintball clothes, our afternoon adventure felt days away.  Izaak was a distant memory as I was ruled by dopamine and no longer concerned with rules or even laws.  I'd broken half a dozen that night, and just wanted to keep breaking more.

Violet lost again, slamming her hand on the table which caused me to jump.  "You'll get 'em next time!" I said in a chirpy, annoying voice.  

"I need a cigarette," she grumbled as she scooted out of the chair.  "Play my spot til I'm back.  I'm gonna beat these motherfuckers in a min."  

My eyes stayed hyper-focused on her as she staggered to the front door, then followed her as she descended the stairs, only remembering the game when she had completely disappeared.  Everyone was looking at me, waiting for me to add my chips to the pot, so I did, cracking my knuckles and confident that I'd win.

And I did.  Then I won another, much to everyone's disapproval.  And then another, which was when I realized maybe I should go since they were glaring like they wanted to gang up against me.  Maybe also I was a little paranoid.

dominics again

"Two mojitos for my tab."  Violet grinned at the bartender, who didn't seemed even half as amused as she.

He flipped the towel over his shoulder and shook his head.  "Your tab is gettin' up there, chamaca.  We're gonna have to cut you off."

"Aw come on, Bro.  Put it on Vic's tab then," she said with a laugh, patting him on the arm.

Lips pressed together in irritation, he started making the drinks, poking in the straw and sliding them towards us.  When she reached to grab it, he took ahold of her wrist.  "No more until you pay some of your shit off.  Entendido?"

"Si, seńor!"

x-x-x-x

There were seven people seated around the table, all men except Violet, most of them also Latino.  They spoke to each other in Spanglish, calling each other names and reminiscing about past games.  They were mostly macho guys, older than us, maybe in their late 20s.  Most of them didn't seem to like Violet, especially since she kicked all of their asses, except for one named Leo.  He was her only real competition, which she whispered into my ear at one point.

Her best trick was playing the man instead of the hand.  She relied mostly on reading others' tells, something she'd learned from her friend and my boss: Gabriel Specter.  

After our first mojito, Violet had won a few hands, so exchanged a few poker chips for cash and ordered me to get us another beverage.  With the rest she paid for more cocaine, not even attempting to hide it from me at this point.

chloe notes

High on my first night out in a while, I started having cravings of my old life.  The impulses were real.  When a wallet appeared in my vision, I couldn't help fantasize about snatching it, and eventually gave into those urges.  It was with one of the gangster-wannabe guys that Violet knew — his brown leather wallet was thick with cash, and half hanging out of his back pocket.  I licked my lips.  It was just too easy!

So when I walked to his side, I "accidentally" bumped into him, snatching it out of his pocket and depositing it in mine in one quick motion while also apologizing.  Later when I went to the bathroom I took out all the cash and threw the rest in the trashcan.

x-x-x-x

I went outside to find Violet and saw her chatting with the same skinny guy.  I stumbled down the stairs towards them, realizing now that it was really angry, and his two gangbanger friends were close by.  At any moment they looked ready to attack.

“Goddammit, it’s been a long fucking day, get out of my face,” she spat and shoved him away.

“Bitch better give me my money.”  The guy was about the same size as Violet, and I wasn’t sure who would actually win the fight, but didn’t really want to find out.  

“Just relax.  I got you, boo.”  Then she patted him on the head and stuck her right hand in her pocket.  Instead of actually getting out any money, she wound up and decked him in the face, trying to run, only to be stopped by one of the bigger guys.

violet at dominic's

I pulled up to Dominic's with hands in my pockets, a little high from Molly's weed and sweaty from my speedy walk.  The bar sat on top of a restaurant and the stairs were outside, a crowd of wannabe gangsters standing at the bottom smoking cigarettes and talking shit.

"Violeta Esperanza," one of them said with a Spanish accent.  We made eye contact and I realized it was my no-good ex-boyfriend, Andy.

"Andres Baez."  The name made me want to hurl.  "I haven't seen you since **significant life event**."  

The men in his group laughed.  No doubt they were going to give him shit later for what I'd said.  "What brings you back to our side of the tracks?  You musta dumped that white boy cuz I know he wouldn't let you hang out in the hood."

I rolled my eyes.  "Oh fuck off.  As if I'd let that prick boss me around like that."

"Oh, I see how it is, he broke up with you."  My eyes narrowed and he laughed in my face, so much that I finally grabbed him by the shirt and pushed him up against the wall.  

"You shut your fuckin' mouth, man, or I'll knock your teeth out."

He choked on laughter, only shutting up when I raised a fist, ready to punch him.  "Okay, okay, chill woman!"  His hands raised to shield his face and I smirked, glad he was still scared of me.

"I need you to give me 2 grams on credit," I said in a low voice, still holding him against the wall.

"What makes you think I'd do that?"

"Cuz you owe me.  And I'll pay you back tomorrow."