random snippet scenes

"Chloe, we're here for you, you don't have to do it all on your own."

My eyes were squeezed shut, I was curled up, trying to hide myself.  Having support felt weird.  I didn't feel strong enough to show my face.

"Life is too hard to have to go through alone.  That's why we have families.  That's why you have us."

Molly was speaking to me as if I were an abandoned or lost puppy, but I hated being treated as fragile.  Yet I was so fragile in that moment.  The vulnerability was humiliating.  Everyone knew my secret.  

Izaak sighed, probably getting frustrated with my lack of response.  "You can't just not eat," he said, not as angry as I'd expected.  There was a hint of worry behind his need to control.

"This isn't working," Violet finally said, then I felt a PLUNK! on the floor next to me.  Seconds later I felt her bony arms wrapped around me in a hug.  She squeezed me tight and awkwardly, and suddenly I realized she was crying too.  But classic Violet, she spoke with no shame.  "You need to stop wearing the mask of a badass bitch all the time and just be you, for better and for worse.  We're tired of you hiding.  We're not going to let go, no matter how much you fight it, you should know better by now.  Let us be there for you like you were there for me."

Her words shocked me so much — I was there for her?  When??  — I couldn't help but pull away from her embrace and glance up at Violet.  

"What, is it so surprising that I"m grateful for once?" she asked sarcastically, laughing as she wiped away her tears.

My throat was still frozen, not allowing me to ask how I could ever help someone as courageous and strong as her.  But I could tell she meant it.

x-x-x-x 

(unrelated to last scene)

"How am I supposed to know who I really am if it seems to just depend on who I'm around?  Can't the 'real' me just be a chameleon?"

"Do you think the 'real you' is a chameleon?"

"Yeah, why not?"

He just stared at me, waiting for me to rationalize my statement, which wasn't really my forte.  

"I find it fulfilling to connect with people on different levels, maybe in ways that they aren't able to connect with others.  Like bdsm relationships are especially rewarding, because people feel so ashamed of their fetish, it's refreshing to have a friend who truly understands you in a nonjudgmental way.  That's the person I like being.  What's wrong with that?"

"Who said there's anything wrong with that?"

"Well your face implied it when I said chameleon could be my real self."

"Why does it matter what my face implies?"

I rolled my eyes.  "I guess because I'm trying to be a chameleon with you and you're not letting me."

"And how does that make you feel?"  He was half-smiling at his own cliche. 

"Annoyed because you're blocking my fulfillment."

"And who are you when others block your fulfillment?"

I paused, not expecting that question, and thought for a minute.  The first thing that came to mind was my mom — how much I tried to figure her out, be exactly what she wanted me to be, in hopes of feeling something from her.  When I couldn't be what she wanted, it was terrifying.  She was usually completely shut down and unpredictable.  She could easily snap at me for something tiny, or lock herself away for days at a time.  It would send me into a panic.  I thought she hated me or was dying... or both.

Toby sat with me in silence, waiting for me to admit my thoughts aloud.  The look on his face told me he already knew the answer anyway, maybe because he'd dealt with the same shit.