ch 27 addition (at family meeting)

Before I could retort, Toby chimed in.  “Does anyone else have something to discuss?”

Izaak cleared his throat.

Instantly curious, I turned to my friend.  "Ooooo, Clo, what’d you do?"

"This is about you," Izaak responded plainly, so serious it made my tummy twist into knots.

I chuckled, trying to ignore how excited he made me.  "What?  Me?  You don’t think you’ll get to torture me enough this weekend?"

“I believe it’s better for me to address this in front of the group.”

On the edge of my seat, I urged him to continue.

"When I took you and Chloe to the airport and found the vape pen, you assured me it was yours."

My heart thumped against my chest.  "Yeah, and?  It was.  You know I'm a big pothead and all."  Gabe shook his head at me, already figuring out where this was headed, but I continued to play dumb.  "And you already spanked me for it.  Why bring it up now?  Didn't get enough?  Damn you're more of a sadist than Gabe."

Izaak didn’t play into my aggression, staying as calm as a pilot reassuring passengers that it’s only turbulence.  "It has come to my attention that the weed was Molly's."

It was hard to read him – was he actually upset?  “Okay, fine, but shouldn't you be talkin’ to her about this?”

“I already did.”  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Molly uncomfortably squirming in her seat.  “My ‘beef’ now is with you.”

“Why, though?  Bro, it really ain’t that big of a deal.”

gabe/chloe after violet's relapse

"My office.  Now." Gabe barked through the speaker of my desk phone, startling me because I didn't even know he could do that.  

I smoothed down my skirt as I entered his office, seeing a makeup-less Violet seated in front of his desk, dark circles under her bloodshot eyes.  As I glanced up at Gabe, an electric bolt shot through my gut, telling me my biggest fear had come true.

"Sit," he ordered, pointing to the chair next to Violet.  "You're dismissed," he told her, much to Violet's disapproval.

"Bro, we should all talk this out.  We could figure out a win-win solution."

Gabe's response to her argument was a hard stare, an expression that told me Violet was currently sitting on a warm bottom and if she didn't want more, she'd better obey.  That thought made me squirm in my seat as I wondered how this scene would unfold.

Of course Violet broke first.  "Fine," she said with an eyeroll, then turned towards me.  "I'm sorry, but I had to tell him, especially after everything with Andy."  

My heart sped up as she stood and left, door slamming so loudly that I jumped in my seat. There was a moment of uneasy silence, but then Gabe spoke.  "You've lied to me, Chloe.  For months."

I tried to steady my voice, my eyes welling with regret. "I-I'm sorry.  I should've told you."

"Damn right you should've," he snapped back, his words a whip crack of frustration. "You put this firm, my reputation, and my client's future at risk because you couldn't trust me enough to come clean."

toby & molly convo continued

"I heard things have been rough with Adam lately," Toby said, reaching out for the weed to roll a joint for me.  He was in a "service sub" type mood, which was usually my jam more than his, but I guess he'd been broken down quite a bit over the last few weeks.

"I know you think I should break up with him."

"It doesn't really matter what I think.  Do you see me in any type of relationship?"

I smiled then brought my knees to my chest, hugging them for a moment as I watched his fingers navigate the rolling papers with ease.  "When was the last time you were in a relationship anyway?"

He shook his head.  "A real official relationship?  Not since college."

"But you dated Vic for a minute."

"Yeah, just dated though.  It's not like either of us brought the other home."

"Do you want a relationship?"

Toby licked the paper, sticking it together then handing me the joint.  I knew he didn't want to answer this question, but since he felt guilty he would anyway.  "It's hard to admit and also hard to deny."

"What a non-answer," I teased.

"When I get in relationships, things like my manic episode happen.  Maybe I'm not ready yet."

"Will you ever be ready?"

Toby shrugged, not really looking me in the eyes.  It was weird seeing him like this, kinda defeated.  "I don't know."

Toby’s apology to Molly

“It was wrong of me to lash out at you like that, and I’d like to explain what happened with me.”

His remorse made me uncomfortable. “It’s okay, you don’t have to, I understand and forgive you…”

Toby gave me a pleading look. “I want to, as long as it doesn’t infringe on your boundaries.”

As if I had boundaries? So I nodded to let him continue, squirming in my seat. Why did this make me feel so icky? It kind of reminded me of my dad maybe. But my mind wasn’t ready to go there yet, which piqued my curiosity. I always attributed most of my problems to my mom.

The thoughts made me take a hit off of my vape pen, and out of politeness I offered Toby some. “Nah,” he responded, not giving me his admonishing big brother look like normal. “I think weed is part of what set off my manic episode in the first place.” I cocked an eyebrow since he rarely participated in my favorite recreational activity. “When we were on vacation. I mean, it wasn’t the whole trigger. I hadn’t realized how bad Chloe was for me. I’m trying to not beat myself up even though I think I should’ve known better. But she brought out a side of me that feels good. My nurturing self. When someone wants help, i feel confident that I know what to do. It feels like I have control, but then at some point that power starts slipping away. It turns into an addiction, like if I don’t ‘help’ it’s dangerous. Chloe made me feel powerful and in control, but I wasn’t. And when I finally noticed I was feeling used, it was too late. That’s when you had your work thing and I took out my anger on you. And I am…. Was… upset with you too, but more upset with Chloe and myself.”

snippet of next chapter

Lost in a web of high school revenge fantasies, my phone buzzed, snapping me back to reality.

It was Toby: Weekend plans?

My eyes narrowed, and I typed back a curt "nope" as the irritation stirred within me. Toby seemed to be stepping into the same micromanagement shoes as Gabe. I was about to fire back a sharper reply, "I don't need another weekend of babysitting," but just before I could hit send, the phone started ringing.

"You're seriously texting me and then calling right away?" I couldn't help but let the annoyance seep into my voice.

Toby brushed off my snark. "Hey, noticed anything weird with Molly? Has she been acting off to you?"

"Stranger than normal? Nah, not really. She's probably just pissed at herself for being the queen of procrastination." I paused as a memory hit me—Molly's request for adderall. Oh yeah, I needed to get her sorted with that. "And by the way, could you maybe scribble me a 'script for some addys? My ADHD's runnin' wild these days."

"How so?" Toby's tone turned serious.

"Usual stuff. Can't focus on shit, thoughts are everywhere like confetti, can't get a damn thing done."

"Exercise. You're still in the withdrawal phase from coke. Introducing another substance right now isn't a good idea for at least a couple of weeks. Plus, you know I can't legally prescribe anything for you, so best not to even bring it up."

I heaved an exaggerated sigh. "Well, thanks for the impromptu lecture. So, what was it you actually wanted? Just to chat about Molly?"

after violet's relapse 2

“What prompted the decision to request an emergency session today?”

I sat across from my therapist, arms folded, not really into the idea of talking this all out. Clo needed me to help her before Gabe turned her in, and I’d already begun working on my plan, but not being there to oversee everything was making me anxious. “Gabe,” I responded, clenching my fists.

There was an awkward silence as I stewed in my anger, until my therapist finally asked, “do you plan to elaborate?”

I looked up. “Yeah, sorry. I relapsed. He told me to ‘get support’ and all of my friends seem to be out of commission, like always. I’m not sure what other support I could’ve found.”

He nodded. “I see. And what kind of support do you need?”

My shoulders bounced in a shrug. “You can do your shrinking thing.”

There was a slight hesitation. He was probably thinking about what a terrible therapy patient I am, which wouldn’t be the first time I heard that. “Okay. What do you think drove you to relapse?”

“Fuckin’ Andy.” I grumbled a few obscenities under my breath.

When I didn’t elaborate, he straightened up in his chair and observed, “it often doesn’t feel like I’m pulling teeth to get an answer, but today it seems like you're not into talking about what’s going on with you.”

I took a deep breath and finally relaxed my body a bit. I’d been tense with anger and worry. “Sorry. I’ve got a lot on my mind.” I tried to steady my racing thoughts, explaining the Andy situation and my poker game.

“Sounds like you were feeling concerned for Clo getting in trouble.”

“I still am. I ended up finally telling Gabe, hoping he’d cut us both some slack, but he doesn’t give a fuck. Nobody ever cares about anyone but themselves. Fucking narcissist.”

Before I continued on my rant, he said, “wait, correct me if I’m wrong, but Clo did commit a crime, right?”

“Yeah but nothing nearly as bad as what the client did to her. She was a vulnerable kid, and he took advantage.”

“Are we still talking about Clo?”

“Yeah, who the fuck else would we be talking about?”

“What feelings are coming up for you right now?”

“I’m fucking pissed!”

“Pause. Let’s breathe into that anger because we’re not going to get anywhere until you’re back at baseline.”

I growled under my breath but closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths with his direction, then opened again, seeing my surroundings more clearly finally. “I’m feeling powerless,” I said in a low voice, slumped in my seat and noticing tears wanting to form.

“Does this feeling remind you of anything?”

“The first memory that comes to mind is my cousins. My uncle being a dick to them, me wanting to do whatever I could to stop the beatings. Sometimes it worked.”

“What specific incident comes to mind?”

A lightbulb went off in my brain as I made the connection. “The first time I ever used was after he beat my littlest cousin. I felt so helpless hearing her cries. I was just there in the other room, but kind of frozen. She was in trouble for something that felt like my fault… I don’t remember what it was. I had to leave. Andy and I weren’t dating, but I saw him on the streets that day, he recognized me from school, invited me to Dominic’s. Gave me a line. It felt so powerful. I felt so confident. If that man touched my cousin, I thought I could beat the shit out of him. When I got home late, my aunt and uncle yelled at me, but it didn’t affect me at all. I yelled back. I was ready to kick his ass. When I got loud, they backed off. I told them crazy shit too… like I was joining a gang and I’d send someone to shoot him if he kept fucking with my cousins. Honestly, I dunno if the beatings stopped after that or I just wasn’t home as much.” I paused, wiping a few tears away. “I also shared the coke with my cousins, which is kinda fucked up, but felt like what they needed to get back power against this fucker.”

My therapists nodded, following along. “So cocaine started out as a way to feel powerful against bullies.”

“Yeah, and I guess also a way to turn attention from my innocent cousins onto me. I wanted him to try to hit me. I wanted to provoke him to that point. I would’ve ended him if it happened.”

“I wonder if a part of you thought using last night would help protect Clo from her consequences?”

My nose scrunched up in confusion, but honestly it did kinda make sense.

“At the very least, it would buy you more time by taking the attention off her for a few days.”

I nodded. “Yeah, that would make sense. That sounds like me.”

chloe with the cia

toby connects chloe to the CIA because they are looking for someone with a special interest in spanking. they've tried non-spankos before, but now they need an actual spanko because the bad guy knows the difference.

chloe accepts the job in exchange for not having to go to jail. they train her and get her ready for the mission. idk what her job is yet. part of getting her ready is making spanking videos for a fake onlyfans page.

the bad guy finally chooses her and offers to fly her out to whatever middle eastern country he's in. he's royalty so has a luxurious house. chloe soon figures out that the person who messaged her was actually one of his assistants, and she starts developing a crush on him.

maybe there's another woman already there and chloe comes because he's tired of her? idk

after violet's relapse

I took a deep breath, pushing the door open to Gabe's office.  "What was so important it couldn't wait a couple of hours?" 

The irritated tone made my stomach rumble, a mixture of anger, fear, and guilt.  "Why do you always have to be a dick about everything?" I said, stepping towards his desk.

Gabe leaned back in his chair, hands folded in a pyramid.  His eyes looked tired and annoyed, which made me regret coming here in the first place.  Confessing would just make everything so much worse... like being entrapped in a fire.  "I'm waiting," he said impatiently.

"It's... a lot," I said, sitting across from him.

"Go on."

"The short version is... Andy bribed me into playing a poker game for him, and..." I looked down, unable to face him.  "There was coke, and I... used again..."

There was a pause that felt like it lasted for hours, then Gabe finally said with a sigh, "Dammit Violet.  What the hell were you doing with that punk again?"

random scene

"You ran off this morning before your spanking," Izaak said, guiding me to the couch as soon as I walked in from work.

I gulped, hoping he'd forgotten about that, but of course he didn't.  "I wanted to stop at starbucks on my way..."  My voice trailed off as he sat down, pulling me towards him.

"You wanted to get out of your punishment," he said matter-of-factly.  It wasn't a question, so I stayed silent, squirming as he reached for the button of my slacks.  "Do that again and you'll get extra, understood?"

"But...." I whined, giving him a pathetically adorable face as he unbuttoned and unzipped my pants, tugging them and my panties down to my knees.  He was about to put me over his lap when we heard a light thud on the floor.  

Izaak muttered something under his breath, then reached down, retrieving my vape pen.  His nostrils flared.  "What the hell is this?" he demanded.  "You took weed to work?"

"I... um... it was for the walk home..." I stammered, face flushing bright red.

He shook his head at me, not buying it.  "Go to the corner," he ordered, so firm I didn't question it.  My heart pounded against my ribcage as I shuffled to the corner, pants and panties still at my knees.  I wanted to pull them up but knew better than to try.

the little bit i ended up writing last night

“Yo, I’m out,” I said, trying to get Andy to fucking move out of my way. He was sloppy drunk and trying to charm me back into his life.

“C’mon goddess. One more hand with these bitches. You’re killin’ it.” He leaned in, breath warm against my neck. “I gotta prize for your next win.”

I slapped his arm. “Get the fuck off me, I don’t want your smelly ass.”

But he hadn’t been offering himself as the prize — he flashed a baggy of white powder at me and my nose started tingling. I got all dizzy with memories of the euphoria I’d experienced under the influence. He was offering me what would easily sell on the streets for $200.

Part of me didn’t want to even open that door again, because it’s insatiable. The cravings come back so strong, chasing the high, but the high is never good enough.

But I sat back down at the table, determined to win the game. By sunrise I’d won Andy more money than I’d earned working for gabe, and snorted enough coke to have my allergies acting up. As I stumbled out of the bar and glanced at my phone, it suddenly hit me: I’d done exactly what gabe and Toby had warned me about.

Fuck.