snippet of next chapter

Lost in a web of high school revenge fantasies, my phone buzzed, snapping me back to reality.

It was Toby: Weekend plans?

My eyes narrowed, and I typed back a curt "nope" as the irritation stirred within me. Toby seemed to be stepping into the same micromanagement shoes as Gabe. I was about to fire back a sharper reply, "I don't need another weekend of babysitting," but just before I could hit send, the phone started ringing.

"You're seriously texting me and then calling right away?" I couldn't help but let the annoyance seep into my voice.

Toby brushed off my snark. "Hey, noticed anything weird with Molly? Has she been acting off to you?"

"Stranger than normal? Nah, not really. She's probably just pissed at herself for being the queen of procrastination." I paused as a memory hit me—Molly's request for adderall. Oh yeah, I needed to get her sorted with that. "And by the way, could you maybe scribble me a 'script for some addys? My ADHD's runnin' wild these days."

"How so?" Toby's tone turned serious.

"Usual stuff. Can't focus on shit, thoughts are everywhere like confetti, can't get a damn thing done."

"Exercise. You're still in the withdrawal phase from coke. Introducing another substance right now isn't a good idea for at least a couple of weeks. Plus, you know I can't legally prescribe anything for you, so best not to even bring it up."

I heaved an exaggerated sigh. "Well, thanks for the impromptu lecture. So, what was it you actually wanted? Just to chat about Molly?"

after violet's relapse 2

“What prompted the decision to request an emergency session today?”

I sat across from my therapist, arms folded, not really into the idea of talking this all out. Clo needed me to help her before Gabe turned her in, and I’d already begun working on my plan, but not being there to oversee everything was making me anxious. “Gabe,” I responded, clenching my fists.

There was an awkward silence as I stewed in my anger, until my therapist finally asked, “do you plan to elaborate?”

I looked up. “Yeah, sorry. I relapsed. He told me to ‘get support’ and all of my friends seem to be out of commission, like always. I’m not sure what other support I could’ve found.”

He nodded. “I see. And what kind of support do you need?”

My shoulders bounced in a shrug. “You can do your shrinking thing.”

There was a slight hesitation. He was probably thinking about what a terrible therapy patient I am, which wouldn’t be the first time I heard that. “Okay. What do you think drove you to relapse?”

“Fuckin’ Andy.” I grumbled a few obscenities under my breath.

When I didn’t elaborate, he straightened up in his chair and observed, “it often doesn’t feel like I’m pulling teeth to get an answer, but today it seems like you're not into talking about what’s going on with you.”

I took a deep breath and finally relaxed my body a bit. I’d been tense with anger and worry. “Sorry. I’ve got a lot on my mind.” I tried to steady my racing thoughts, explaining the Andy situation and my poker game.

“Sounds like you were feeling concerned for Clo getting in trouble.”

“I still am. I ended up finally telling Gabe, hoping he’d cut us both some slack, but he doesn’t give a fuck. Nobody ever cares about anyone but themselves. Fucking narcissist.”

Before I continued on my rant, he said, “wait, correct me if I’m wrong, but Clo did commit a crime, right?”

“Yeah but nothing nearly as bad as what the client did to her. She was a vulnerable kid, and he took advantage.”

“Are we still talking about Clo?”

“Yeah, who the fuck else would we be talking about?”

“What feelings are coming up for you right now?”

“I’m fucking pissed!”

“Pause. Let’s breathe into that anger because we’re not going to get anywhere until you’re back at baseline.”

I growled under my breath but closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths with his direction, then opened again, seeing my surroundings more clearly finally. “I’m feeling powerless,” I said in a low voice, slumped in my seat and noticing tears wanting to form.

“Does this feeling remind you of anything?”

“The first memory that comes to mind is my cousins. My uncle being a dick to them, me wanting to do whatever I could to stop the beatings. Sometimes it worked.”

“What specific incident comes to mind?”

A lightbulb went off in my brain as I made the connection. “The first time I ever used was after he beat my littlest cousin. I felt so helpless hearing her cries. I was just there in the other room, but kind of frozen. She was in trouble for something that felt like my fault… I don’t remember what it was. I had to leave. Andy and I weren’t dating, but I saw him on the streets that day, he recognized me from school, invited me to Dominic’s. Gave me a line. It felt so powerful. I felt so confident. If that man touched my cousin, I thought I could beat the shit out of him. When I got home late, my aunt and uncle yelled at me, but it didn’t affect me at all. I yelled back. I was ready to kick his ass. When I got loud, they backed off. I told them crazy shit too… like I was joining a gang and I’d send someone to shoot him if he kept fucking with my cousins. Honestly, I dunno if the beatings stopped after that or I just wasn’t home as much.” I paused, wiping a few tears away. “I also shared the coke with my cousins, which is kinda fucked up, but felt like what they needed to get back power against this fucker.”

My therapists nodded, following along. “So cocaine started out as a way to feel powerful against bullies.”

“Yeah, and I guess also a way to turn attention from my innocent cousins onto me. I wanted him to try to hit me. I wanted to provoke him to that point. I would’ve ended him if it happened.”

“I wonder if a part of you thought using last night would help protect Clo from her consequences?”

My nose scrunched up in confusion, but honestly it did kinda make sense.

“At the very least, it would buy you more time by taking the attention off her for a few days.”

I nodded. “Yeah, that would make sense. That sounds like me.”

chloe with the cia

toby connects chloe to the CIA because they are looking for someone with a special interest in spanking. they've tried non-spankos before, but now they need an actual spanko because the bad guy knows the difference.

chloe accepts the job in exchange for not having to go to jail. they train her and get her ready for the mission. idk what her job is yet. part of getting her ready is making spanking videos for a fake onlyfans page.

the bad guy finally chooses her and offers to fly her out to whatever middle eastern country he's in. he's royalty so has a luxurious house. chloe soon figures out that the person who messaged her was actually one of his assistants, and she starts developing a crush on him.

maybe there's another woman already there and chloe comes because he's tired of her? idk

after violet's relapse

I took a deep breath, pushing the door open to Gabe's office.  "What was so important it couldn't wait a couple of hours?" 

The irritated tone made my stomach rumble, a mixture of anger, fear, and guilt.  "Why do you always have to be a dick about everything?" I said, stepping towards his desk.

Gabe leaned back in his chair, hands folded in a pyramid.  His eyes looked tired and annoyed, which made me regret coming here in the first place.  Confessing would just make everything so much worse... like being entrapped in a fire.  "I'm waiting," he said impatiently.

"It's... a lot," I said, sitting across from him.

"Go on."

"The short version is... Andy bribed me into playing a poker game for him, and..." I looked down, unable to face him.  "There was coke, and I... used again..."

There was a pause that felt like it lasted for hours, then Gabe finally said with a sigh, "Dammit Violet.  What the hell were you doing with that punk again?"

random scene

"You ran off this morning before your spanking," Izaak said, guiding me to the couch as soon as I walked in from work.

I gulped, hoping he'd forgotten about that, but of course he didn't.  "I wanted to stop at starbucks on my way..."  My voice trailed off as he sat down, pulling me towards him.

"You wanted to get out of your punishment," he said matter-of-factly.  It wasn't a question, so I stayed silent, squirming as he reached for the button of my slacks.  "Do that again and you'll get extra, understood?"

"But...." I whined, giving him a pathetically adorable face as he unbuttoned and unzipped my pants, tugging them and my panties down to my knees.  He was about to put me over his lap when we heard a light thud on the floor.  

Izaak muttered something under his breath, then reached down, retrieving my vape pen.  His nostrils flared.  "What the hell is this?" he demanded.  "You took weed to work?"

"I... um... it was for the walk home..." I stammered, face flushing bright red.

He shook his head at me, not buying it.  "Go to the corner," he ordered, so firm I didn't question it.  My heart pounded against my ribcage as I shuffled to the corner, pants and panties still at my knees.  I wanted to pull them up but knew better than to try.

the little bit i ended up writing last night

“Yo, I’m out,” I said, trying to get Andy to fucking move out of my way. He was sloppy drunk and trying to charm me back into his life.

“C’mon goddess. One more hand with these bitches. You’re killin’ it.” He leaned in, breath warm against my neck. “I gotta prize for your next win.”

I slapped his arm. “Get the fuck off me, I don’t want your smelly ass.”

But he hadn’t been offering himself as the prize — he flashed a baggy of white powder at me and my nose started tingling. I got all dizzy with memories of the euphoria I’d experienced under the influence. He was offering me what would easily sell on the streets for $200.

Part of me didn’t want to even open that door again, because it’s insatiable. The cravings come back so strong, chasing the high, but the high is never good enough.

But I sat back down at the table, determined to win the game. By sunrise I’d won Andy more money than I’d earned working for gabe, and snorted enough coke to have my allergies acting up. As I stumbled out of the bar and glanced at my phone, it suddenly hit me: I’d done exactly what gabe and Toby had warned me about.

Fuck.

violet's relapse

"Just think, if you were smart enough to figure out how to hack the memory card yourself, you wouldn't be in this situation."  Andy paced in front of me with a menacing grin.

I glared, feeling the fire ignite in my chest, getting me ready to kick his ass.  "No, I wouldn't be in this situation if you'd mind your own fuckin' business and stop tryin' to get into mine."

"Told ya I ain't rollin' with kids anymore.  Your friend fucked with me, and I fuck back harder."

"What do you want, Andy," I said through clenched teeth.

"Revenge."

"Nah bro, I wouldn't be here if that was all.  There's a reason you haven't released the video yet.  What the fuck do you want?"

"There's a poker game tonight on 49th."

"And you want me to hustle."

"Ahh looks like you are a little smarty pants," he said with a laugh, pinching my cheeks.

I swatted him away.  "Then you'll leave me and my friends alone, got it?"

"Sure."

I pushed him up against the wall, hand around his throat.  "I mean it."  

It felt good he was still scared of me.  But the whole scene made me feel disgusting and pathetic.  

We walked to Andy's souped up Audi, I taking the front seat, making his meathead friends stuff themselves into the back.  When he started the car, loud bass shook the speakers and my eardrums.  It felt like I was 17 again.  A pit formed in my stomach, wondering why I'd ever thought this boy was cool, why I allowed myself to get caught up in his charm.  

violet+gabe, he knows

"I know it's Chloe."

My body froze, though still felt a sense of relief.  I was tired of hiding.  "How?"

"You know how."  That meant Molly told him.  "You've been sitting on this information for three weeks.  Why am I just now hearing about it?"

"Because Molly has a big mouth."

Gabe took an angry step toward me.  "I shouldn't have heard it from her at all!" he said, now close to shouting.  "Especially about a case that I told you from day one was confidential."

My instinct was to match his tone, maybe even raise it higher.  But maybe I really had been working on myself, because I kept it cool.  "Sorry.  You're right."

"This is exactly what fucked us over last time — you lying to me."

I glanced into his eyes to see a flame of fury still there, a betrayal he hadn't been able to resolve.  "I know."  My mouth almost let out an excuse, but I kept it in.  Now wasn't the time.  Toby would be proud.

Gabe paused for a moment, staring at me hard.  It was almost like he didn't believe what was happening and had to figure out if this was a dream.  Then he let out a sigh and looked away.  "Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"I was waiting for tangible evidence like you requested."

His eyebrows raised.  "And her confession wasn't enough?"

"I didn't get a recorded confession, and she asked for a little grace, which I gave her.  Then the situation with Molly and Toby happened and we got behind on our timeline."

violet's weekend with chloe/izaak

“Hey, this might be a crazy question,” I said, the weed having dulled my (already barely existent) filter.

Clo glanced over at me, blue eyes twinkling from the streetlight.

“Were you involved with the Winters stuff? Are you Pattie Cake?”

It was too dark (and I too stoned) to notice her facial expressions, but she was a good actress anyway so I probably wouldn’t trust them. “What?” She asked, tone giving off a sense of confusion. “Where did this come from? Are you asking if I’m a criminal?”

“Kinda, yeah.”

There was an awkward silence as we both waited for the other to speak. So far, she hadn’t become defensive, so I still wasn’t sure what to think.

“I’m not,” she finally said. “And I’m confused about why you think that.”

“Yo, it was just a question. Your name came up in my list of suspects. Chloe Peterson, right?”

“Patterson,” she corrected.

“Because at the meeting izaak said…”

“He always gets it wrong. Mixes me up with an old army buddy we went to school with.”

“Oh, okay.” Tbh it made me feel good. She said exactly what I wanted to hear. “Good. I wouldn’t want to rat out a friend.”

idk about this

It felt weird, being here in Clo's space, knowing her secret.  It was also hard to play dumb, but I was taking Molly's advice and trying not to jump to conclusions like I always do.  Not until I had some sort of proof anyway.

"What's the most badass thing you've ever done?" I asked her when we were in bed, as I lay on my side, propped up on one hand, rubbing my still-warm bottom with the other (gotta love bedtime spankings).

Clo was on her back, staring at the ceiling.  I noticed her breathing get shallow for a split second (ok, it might've been my imagination, who knows) before she responded.  "I'm not much of a badass..."

"Bullshit... you just want to seem all innocent.  C'mon, tell me."

She let out an uncomfortable giggle.  "Okay, but you can't tell anyone."

"Like who?  Sergeant Douche?" I laughed, hearing him snoring in the other room.  "He snoozes, he loses."

[[[no idea how she's going to answer this]]]

x-x-x-x

I suspected that if Izaak was any good as an FBI agent, he'd already know about Clo.  But I'd had no luck with extracting info from her, and Izaak seemed harder to crack.

Maybe Molly's right and I'm just jumping to conclusions.