what everyone is doing right now

(lol things I write to try to get back into a regular routine...) 

Molly lays curled up on her bed with Crackers, scrolling on her phone.

Chloe is listening to a podcast while drawing something on her ipad.  

Violet's in bed already, probably masturbating before passing out to sleep.

Gabe is on the couch, finishing up some work while the tv hums out sports highlights in the background.  

Toby is reading a fiction novel... a paperback, because the goal is to reduce screen time before sleeping.

Izaak, of course, is snoring, having been asleep already for at least an hour.

lol not much but something

"Why won't you tell him?"

"I just told youuuuuuu... he'd be in trouble at work..."

"He will be in trouble anyway."

"No he won't..."

There was an awkward silence as I waited for Toby to argue back at me.  

riley's story

I'd always liked Violeta.  She was the only one who paid attention to me when I was a kid, always the loner, always doing some weird shit off in the corner by myself.  She didn't mock me, didn't try to make me come out of my shell.  Yeah some light teasing maybe, but mostly she just let me be.  

So when she texted me for help, I couldn't say no.  But I should have known to advise against Dominic's.  That place has eyes everywhere.

My first clue was when Andy barged into my lair without so much as a knock.  He completely ignored my glare, as he always did.  "Leo told me you got dirt."

Even if I wanted to deny it, I couldn't — the video still was literally up on my screen in that moment.  "I just hacked into it."

Andy traipsed across the room as if he owned the place, leaning over my shoulder way too close to me.  

therapy session with Riley

I logged into zoom, almost exactly on time, no sign of Riley yet.  The paperwork that had been filled out was minimal — "depressed," "light substance use that worried my friends," "idk if i need therapy but was urged to try it out anyway."  She was recommended to me by a colleague who said we'd be a good fit, which I recently learned means that she probably has a schizoid-ish personality style.  My favorite.

The notification popped up, telling me that "riley (she/they)" signed into the waiting room.  Exactly 1 minute late.  I clicked to let her in, and her image immediately popped up (fast computer/internet!).  She has black and pink hair pulled back in a ponytail, cat ear headphones, and was sitting in what looked like the comfiest gamer-chair ever.  I was immediately jealous. 

"Hey Riley, I'm Breanna, it's nice to meet you."

future scene maybe

It'd gotten bad. I didn't want to admit it. The first *real* relapse since I'd quit smoking weed. The other times didn't really count. But this time... ugh it was bad.

Even Booth noticed. His concern was brief- "Mol... you good?" and of course I assured him I was. And he knew I was lying, but didn't push it. That's how people always are with me, I shouldn't really expect any differently. But sometimes it sucks when they don't try to pry it out of me. Even though I shouldn't make them.

But Gabe and Izaak BOTH had left me. And I didn't fucking care. Because I have weed. And weed never leaves me.

"Hey, what the fuck, I've been waiting for you and texting? Why haven't you answered?" That was Vic, standing in the entrance of my lonely bedroom where I laid, still in pjs and bedhead, puffing on my vape pen and scrolling through tiktok.

"Oh, hey, sorry, I guess I lost track of time."

Chloe

A weird calmness took over after Violet asked me.  I'd been carrying around this anxiety of getting caught for weeks... probably since I moved here.  And now... the uncertainty was over.  She knew.  She didn't have evidence.  She was ready to start digging.  She asked me.

And I didn't fucking tell her.

Why can't I be a normal person and just be honest?

Con artist genetics, maybe?  My dad passed it down to me?

Part of me wanted to tell her... she just asked me at the wrong time.  I hadn't expected it.  Hadn't realized she knew already.  So I just slipped into my default mode.  

Don't get caught.

As Violet breathed softly beside me, I did something I never do — planned.  I visualized the memory card, tucked away near my laptop and iPad.  I'd take it to a cafe, switch my face with someone else who would have been a minor when Winters and I fucked around, so they wouldn't want to get her involved.  Then give the memory card to Violet like I'd been the one who cracked it myself and found all this great evidence in Sage's basement.  Then they'd have nothing on me.  

Then I could have the best of both worlds.

x-x-x-x

I was floaty all day, plastering a smile on my face so nobody questioned me, probably didn't even notice that deep inside I was petrified... even I didn't really notice.

My mind drifted in and out of daydreams.  

Winters.  

chloe winters flashback

As I worked on the image, my mind drifted, somehow thinking of the old days as easier times. Deep down, I knew the reality... the loneliness, misery, existential dread. But right now, the dark pieces were boxed up neatly as I thought of the late night chats with Sage. The lavish hotel penthouses. The detached relationships. The adrenaline rush of ending said relationships with blackmail. That was the life.

It was just so simple back then. There were rules. A structure. All set up by Sage, who gave me the instructions and risks then let me proceed. I had a clear mission. My job was to just make people fall for me, which is easy.

Winters loved me from the beginning. Well, as capable of love as that psychopath can be. He admired my beauty. Enjoyed feeling like a big and powerful MAN. Got so wrapped up in the power trip that it was easy to learn shit about him.

another random scene

Restless. Uncomfortable. Sweaty. Just needed Gabe.

It was the first night without him at the beach house, and my 21st day of sobriety. We were all proud of me, I guess. There were all these hopes and expectations I'd had... like maybe I'd figure out my career path or be able to resolve my abandonment issues because I'm taking care of myself now... but the only thing I had to show was a streak of vivid weird dreams and a pit of loneliness that fueled cravings and self-hatred.

And now... Izaak choosing to sleep in the other room... did he hate me?

I tried to do that thing I'd do with my clients. "Why would he hate you?" "Because I suck." "What have you done that sucks?" And then I start listing everything off, which makes me just want weed more, and totally isn't where that therapy exercise is supposed to go. Which also sends me deeper into a spiral, but at least tonight I was able to stop it, because I am clearly not going to figure out my career even though I’ve been such a good girl with not smoking! So why can’t I do it again?

random future scene

[[not sure where I got this idea from... i think i was just thinking about what kind of scene in a restaurant would warrant being spanked in the car 😈... idk about this scene but i'm rusty and all the practice is good 😂]]

Gabe at the end of the table with that smug look on his face, I was just fucking sick of it by this point. All fucking week, bossing everyone around, acting like he's the king of the world, like we all have to listen to him. God. Give me Izaak any day.

"Earth to Riley. Finish your dinner." Ugh, his tone grated at my nerves.

"It's disgusting, I don't want anymore." For good measure, I pushed the plate aside, then went immediately back to scrolling through reddit posts about self-sustainable housing. Clearly I was ready to move off to a forest by myself. There was just too much peopling required in NYC.

it's been a minute

Molly looked on with extreme guilt, knowing that the reason I hadn't told Gabe about Clo was because of her. And I knew she was trying to step in and change her mind, get me to come clean now, but it wasn't the right time. And she's the one who brought up my rage about this in the first place, like telling me how the system always fucks over everyone. If she wanted me to tell Gabe, she should've said it from the beginning!

And in the moment, I didn't really clock the way Clo and the doc side-eyed each other. The unspoken tension between them. The way Clo shifted in her seat because she'd just gotten a spanking for the very thing I was trying to help her keep hidden.

And Izaak over there, completely oblivious to what was going on, noting my resistance and something "off," but not realizing it had anything to do with Clo.

The whole meeting was moderately tragic. The only upside was that we weren't the ones getting spanked this time... I got to cash in my bet.

Sergeant Douche... the man who always needed to be in powerful positions... the control-freak... the dude who tortured me for 48 hours straight with his ridiculous routine and healthy habits and all that bullshit that I secretly appreciated but outwardly hated every minute of. Here he was, about to submit to me, the fuck up, in front of everyone. I knew what he was giving up (emotionally) to be able to do this in front of everyone. He barely even spanked anyone before... had he even ever been spanked? The fact that he was willing to be vulnerable in front of everyone and let me swing the paddle on him... umm... kinda hott.