trying to write chloe

what would be important for chloe and toby to know about each other from the beginning?

where they're going — eventually they'll end up in a relationship (though chloe will still be in love with izaak).  

toby is completely honest with her, which is what chloe wants.

chloe confesses her crimes to toby before anyone else.  because of confidentiality, she knows he can keep a secret.  he has a stable sense of self and doesn't give in to peer pressure.  he seems to want to be a genuinely good person, but not so righteous like izaak.

toby vs izaak

toby is more emotional, you can tell he's been through a lot by his perspective on things.  You can see him switching easily from logic to feelings.

izaak is very logical, practical, and has a structured way of seeing the world.  His shift from logic to feelings is harder to notice.  

izaak has high standards, thinks there's a right vs wrong way to do things.

toby has low standards, more empathetic, doesn't have a black and white view of right vs wrong, loves ethical dilemmas.

izaak is a doer.

toby is a thinker/talker.

izaak wants to stability, to keep things as they are, as calm as possible.

toby loves chaos, new ideas, and the adventure of living in the present moment.

izaak is a planner

toby is spontaneous.

---

chloe and toby's convo:

purpose- to foreshadow that chloe will open up to him first

-doesn't take life too seriously, has a gray perspective on morality

-background getting criminals out of trouble

-hint around to background of crime himself

chloe intro to living in nyc

New York City was everything and nothing like I'd imagined.  Heat radiated from the crowded trash-littered streets, people pushing past each other in a hurry.  Noise and air pollution wafted through the tall buildings, reminding me of home.  But it was just so much bigger and busier.

Fortunately, Izaak's building was newly built with thick windows and walls to block out the gross outside.  His home was perched on the top floor of a walk-up apartment with skinny marble stairs.  

"It's only one bedroom, but the futon is all yours."  He pointed to the black couch-like object at the far end of the living room, next to a large window and sliding glass door that led to the balcony.  "I'll get privacy screens for you so it'll feel like your own space."  Rolling my suitcase to the corner of the room, he then motioned where the screens could be set, right between the futon and the loveseat.  

I walked next to him and set my backpack on the futon, feeling a rush of panic.  "Was it a bad idea for me to come?"

"What are you talking about?" he asked, lifting my chin so that I was looking him in the eyes.  

chloe ch 3 insert

It was too early to be awake.  Birds were chirping all over the place, people hustling and bustling, but my eyes barely stayed open.  I had to keep focused on Izaak so I wouldn't run into anyone or anything.  He jogged at a slow pace slightly ahead of me, mindful not to lose me but also trying to encourage me to not lag behind like we were just on a leisurely stroll.

Sweat beaded on my forehead as we stopped at a red light and I caught my breath, glaring at Izaak who jogged in place like a tool.  "How long... are we... doing this?" I panted, hunched over with my hands on my knees, butt sticking out like I was waiting to get paddled.  

"We've just started!"  The light changed and he bolted forward, glancing back.  "C'mon!  Sweat those toxins out!"

I flipped him off but followed after, glancing at the scenery to distract me from all the uncomfortable sensations of slowly dying by exercise.  Yellow sun rays beamed through red brick buildings, the sporadic tree providing some sort of shade for us.  The sidewalk was uneven and deserted, though traffic was at a standstill, cars honking at the delivery truck that had parked in the middle of the narrow street.  One man stuck his head out the window and began shouting for the asshole to move, which wasn't really that helpful.

ch6 re-take

It felt like a dream walking through the fancy stores in the world trade center mall.  My fingers ran over designer clothing, feeling like I was in a dream, or like I was doing one of my old jobs.  It felt weird that Izaak had given me his credit card and so much trust, though he was right that he knows where I live and I'm sure he'd punish me if I overspent... But still.  He trusted me!  

Molly was easy to get along with, and I could definitely see her psychotherapist side.  She was positive and giggly, now not as high and worried as she'd been earlier that morning.  She disclosed to me that she isn't used to being up so early since she works afternoons at a school, and evenings at a clinic with Toby the psychiatrist.  She kept the conversation going mostly, but also asked questions, curious to know more about me.  I wondered about her ulterior motive and kept my answers simple, trying not to lie as was habit.  But it didn't matter because mostly it seemed like she just liked talking just to talk.  

Before we arrived to the interview, Molly bought me breakfast (which was much better than the protein shake Izaak had prepared for me) and prepped me about Gabe, basically the same heads up that Izaak had given me.  "I'm sure he's planning to hire you, just didn't want to say it up front.  We kind of go back and forth with giving each other favors.  It's just how we roll.  He'll like you, I know it already."

"Why?"

chloe bio

All my life I've been lied to.

Childhood.  My dad was the fun kind, always showing me magic tricks and giving me a good time.  No structure, no discipline.  If I stole something without getting caught, he was proud.  My mom was jealous of our relationship, and frankly tired of being married to a man-child leech.  When she wanted to leave and I chose my father, she just let me.  From that point on, I'm pretty sure she resented me.  She thought I loved him more, and maybe I did.  Superficial love.  But I don't remember her ever showing me any kindness or compassion in my life.

Adolescence.  My dad was always off "working" on one of his different schemes.  He'd come home and promise the world, charming me into half-believing him.  Granny wasn't shy about deeming him the favorite child, which all of his siblings resented.  When my dad convinced granny to take out a mortgage on her house for him, the rest of the family dropped us all, cutting off all ties.  "It's not you, it's your dad."  I heard it a million times.  All the cousins I'd spent childhood with were now a distant memory.  We were the outsiders in our own family.

more ch3

The night summer air was sticky as I walked through the busy streets of Queens, ignoring the schizophrenic homeless people who shouted at me for money every few blocks.  My brain raced, thinking about the drugs, feeling ashamed and dirty for the way that I started the next phase of my life.  Molly would call it a self-fulfilling prophecy — since I always believed I'd never be more than a slutty drug dealer, I ended up sabotaging myself until the belief came true.  But somehow I kept finding excuses for my behavior:  needing the money, the feeling of euphoria would motivate me to apply for real jobs, I'd stop as soon as I was making a steady income again.

How about trying to find excuses against your behavior? my unofficial psychiatrist (and ex-Dom), Toby, had suggested to me once.  And since I had a long walk, I tried to do just that, making a list in my head:

Vic and Molly prefer I stay with them rather than get back into this lifestyle (but what they don't know won't hurt them).
Andy's in a real gang now (but I can handle those fuckers).
Generic reasons like it's dangerous and illegal (but like I give a fuck about that).
This isn't working...
Gabe would beat the shit out of me if he knew what I'm doing.

The last thought caused me to stop in the middle of the block, debating taking it back to Andy's, or texting Gabe back.  Flashing lights from a police car mesmerized me as I pondered, only snapping to consciousness when I saw the two cops harassing a Mexican guy.

ch3 violet

As I played poker with old friends and emptied one of the baggies I'd gotten from Andy, memories of high school drifted through my mind.  It didn't help that drunk Tiffany was there reminding me of crazy stories every so often.

"And when you **some relevant history here**."

"I'm all in," I exclaimed, pushing the mountain of poker chips to the pot.  There were only two people still in the game with me, and neither of them would guess I was bluffing.  With a big smile on my face and confident pose, these guys assumed I had a great hand, both folding instead of matching my bet.  I threw the cards to the dealer and hugged my pile of money.

Cashing out, I beckoned Tiffany to come outside for a smoke with me.  Andy was still standing out there, but we kept a safe distance, not wanting to engage in conversation at the moment.  

"Damn, sis, you gotta find a new job," Tiffany exclaimed after I told her of the days events.  "Trust me, you don't wanna live with your bro forever.  I'm still stuck with Sam and Dean, and they're drivin' me nuts."

"What am I gonna do, though?"  I took a puff off my cigarette pondering it for a moment.

ch 10 continued

"You smoked twelve cigarettes.  How many swats is that?"

Still rubbing my bottom, I muttered, "One hundred twenty..."

"Since you also decided to use drugs among other illegal things, I will use the wooden hairbrush tonight."  When I began to protest, he cut me off.  "Tomorrow morning you'll run an extra two laps during our workout and..."

"What!  No way!" I stomped my foot again, beginning to feel like crying again.

"And after the workout, I'll give you a final paddling before work."

Like a little girl, crocodile tears fell down my cheeks, not happy about the extra harsh punishment.  And having to do it all over again tomorrow morning?  I wouldn't be able to sit all day!  "Izaak... noooooo..." I pleaded, breaking off into a sob.

"You know better than to behave as you did last night.  I suggest in the future, you think before acting.  Now, come here."

I didn't move an inch, so Izaak leaned forward, reaching for my elbow and jerking me towards him.  My body shivered, eyes unable to move from staring at that evil wooden hairbrush.  He'd never used it before, but it looked brutal — dark brown solid wood, about half an inch thick.  Mixed with Izaak's disappoving glances was a recipe for not being able to sit all week.  I started crying even harder.  "Please don't!  I'll be a good girl, I promise!"

ch 10 continued

My hands covered my face as tears spilled from my eyes, relieved that he stopped spanking but ashamed at the confession I'd made.  He asked more questions, but I was sobbing too hard to hear him properly.  Emotions overwhelmed me.

He let me lie there for a few seconds, waiting for my tears to subside a bit before continuing.  "You're going to get ready for bed while I make dinner, then we'll take care of your punishment."

"But..."

"No buts, kiddo.  You've earned this one and you know it."  He paused to see if I'd argue, and I wanted to, wondering how Violet would respond.  But before I could come up with anything, Izaak continued.  "You put yourself in multiple dangerous situations — that guy had a gun, Chloe.  A gun.  The area you were in is known for its gang presence."

"How was I supposed to know that?  Why are you acting so much like a dad right now?  I'm not a kid."

He started raining down a few more swats to my bare bottom and I squealed, regretting my words.  "Again you need me to remind you of our arrangement?  I've taken over the role of care giver since you've not been doing a great job at it yourself.  We still have nearly three weeks left of this."

My legs kicked as I tried to squirm so that he'd stop hitting so hard, but it was useless, so I just resigned to crying again.  Nothing was working!

still at dominic's

Izaak went to the driver's side while I helped Violet in.  "He's so beefy and protective of you.  I bet it's mad hott when he spanks you."

I could faintly hear Izaak in the background, making a call to the police.  "Suspects are three hispanic males, all wearing jeans, one with a backwards red cap and red hoodie."

"What the fuck is he doin'?" Violet said as she slid into the seat.  "Bro, don't be a narc!"  

"Yes, he has a gun and they are possible drug dealers."

"Bro are you serious?"  Then she started yelling, "he's lying!" while trying to snatch the phone away from him.  It was too late because Izaak had already given the address and info and soon hung up the phone.

"What the hell are you doing?" he shouted at Violet.

"Call them bitches back and tell 'em false alarm! Don't rat out my boys."

'Your boys were trying to kill you."

"Fuck this, I'm out of here."  She tugged on the door handle, punching it when it wouldn't open.  "Unlock the door!" she demanded.

Calmly, Izaak grabbed her arm and told her to chill.  "I promised Molly I was bringing you home."

"Fuck Molly, who cares?"

"Violet, I'm warning you."

She kept trying to escape, attempting to unlock the door herself (but the childproof locks were on).  Izaak twisted her arm back a little to put her in an uncomfortable position.  It only stopped her for a moment, until she said cockily "that doesn't hurt."  So he pushed her arm farther back, even farther until she was pleading, "okay okay!"