my therapy session with violet

Violet sauntered into my office with an anxious energy, but there was a hint of something more positive that I couldn't quite put my finger on.  "How has your week been?" I wondered aloud as she plopped across from me, dropping her bag onto the floor next to her.  

"Bro, so much has happened," she exclaimed, bringing her feet into the chair to sit cross-legged.  "Where do I even begin?"  I stayed silent, waiting for her to gather her thoughts.  Finally, she sighed and looked out the window at the Manhattan skyline.  "Okay, I guess I can start with Clo.  Remember Clo?" she asked, looking at me suddenly with an intensity in her eyes.

"Of course, she's part of the 'family,' went with you to Seattle, has a crush on Toby..."

Violet smiled, appreciating my memory for random details.  "Yes.  Do you remember any other stuff?  Or did you get any impression of her?  Anything off about her?"

I raised my eyebrows.  "She's the newest addition to your friend group, like a recent transplant, right?  Maybe it's a little strange how quickly she assimilated to your group dynamics, but seems like she could just be adaptable and maybe it wasn't actually as quick as it felt to us..."

"Adaptable!"  Violet shook her head in disappointment, anger spreading across her face.

"What is it?"

Violets relapse… idk about this scene

[[got interrupted while writing this and couldn’t get back in the flow. May try again later]] “Esperanza!” I was so far into my mind and angry feels about Andy that I didn’t even notice the black suburban pull up next to me until Izaak startled me out of the daze. “Shouldn’t you be takin’ care of Clo?” I spat, looking straight ahead as I walked through the darkness. He wasn’t going to stop me from my mission. He inched up the truck to keep up with me. “She asked — insisted — that I come check on you to make sure you aren't doing anything stupid. Which judging by that baseball bat in your hand, I caught you just in time.” “Fuck off, Izaak. I don’t need a babysitter.” I swear I could hear his exasperated sigh over the distant sirens and highway traffic. “Where exactly are you going?” “None of your business,” I hissed. “Go home and take care of your girl.” That last statement was enough to make him pull over and turn off the car, allowing me to get a half-block away before he jogged to catch up with me. “Hey,” he said, almost gently, touching my arm and finally getting me to stop. My eyes narrowed at him. “Please just go.” “Where are you going?” He asked again, eyebrows raised. For a moment I imagined how easy it would be to escape, wondering why I didn’t threaten him with the bat (would he win that confrontation?) or exclaim that I could scream his following me out was unwelcome. But even in my coke-induced fury, I still had a soft spot for him, thanks to the last few weeks of us growing closer. Izaak took my hesitation as his cue to start putting the pieces together. “Pupils dilated, runny nose, restlessness, irritability… you relapsed. And now you’re heading in the opposite direction of Dominic’s, but when I drove past there Andy was outside, so you must be on the way to destroy his property.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m always irritable, you can’t prove anything.” “Do I even want to know what’s in that backpack?” I stepped back, not wanting him anywhere near the drugs I’d stolen from Andy. There was enough in there to get me locked up for intent to distribute, and if that’s gonna happen I better be rich as fuck. Izaak sensed it and just nodded, face falling in disappointment. “Violet, don’t do this,” he said, almost begging. “It’s too late. Andy fucked with me for the last fucking time.”

Molly helping out Toby’s nephew

As Chase stepped through the door, looking downtrodden and shut off from the world, I remembered the text I’d received from Toby’s sister a couple of hours ago. He’s taking the breakup really hard, she’d written. I don’t know what to do. I think it’s bringing up past abandonment shit with his bio parents. Tristen and her wife had adopted Chase about ten years ago, when he was 6, old enough to know that his parents had abandoned him but too young to know how to express his feelings about it. They’d taken him to therapy several times in the past, but he rarely took to his therapists, preferring to lock his emotions up rather than open the wound again.

“Hey you,” I said with a half smile, opening the door wider for him. “Come on in.”

Chase eyed me suspiciously before shuffling inside, b-lining straight for my room. He found Crackers snuggled up on the sofa and instantly plopped next to her, waiting for her approval before scratching behind her ears.

I took a seat beside him, waiting.

Violet & Izaak dinner

[[[Apparently this LiveJournal just turned 5 years old!  wtf.  i've been working on this series way too long.]]]

x-x-x

"Clo's still gone?" I asked Izaak as I emerged from the bathroom, freshly showered and wrapped up in one of his gigantic fluffy towels, hair still dripping.  

"She says she's working on art school applications," he said, not looking up from his laptop.  

My arms folded.  "She didn't even have the decency to tell me she was applying to art school!" I grumbled, wondering what facts I even knew about her.  

"Get dressed.  Let's go out to dinner."

"Without her?"

Izaak closed his laptop and set it aside, standing and coming towards me.  "I invited her, but she said she's already eaten.  But I'm sure you've noticed, when she gets stressed, her eating habits become an issue."

"What does she have to be stressed about?" I sarcastically wondered aloud, hoping he'd give me intel to help with my case.

Nope.  "You like Greek food?"

"Sure," I said as he walked past me towards the bathroom for his own shower.   "Way to ignore my question..." I called after him as he reminded me to get ready and slammed the door almost in my face.

Oh well, maybe I could get some info from him at dinner.  

Mollys dream

I have this recurring dream, but maybe it’s more of a fantasy. Izaak is my older brother, and I’m in middle school. I keep getting in trouble at school and finally he gives me a warning — “next time the school calls me about your behavior, I will spank you right there in the office.” His warning makes me gulp and promise to be better behaved. But then a few days later, my friends want to sneak out of gym class to go smoke weed behind the track where no one would see us. I have a bad feeling about it, but ignore it, deciding to join them anyway. We’re dressed in our P.E. clothes — ugly red shorts and t-shirts. It’s almost too easy to slip away from class, and we think we’re sly, hiding sorta in the woods away from everyone else. My friend lights the joint and goes into a coughing fit, passing it to the rest of us. We get in a couple of good puffs and I can feel my head buzzing, my eyes drooping, and I’m getting kinda giggly. We’re probably being louder than we should, because before the joint is even finished the school security guard has caught us. None of us have the sense to run away, but it’s not like we could go anywhere anyway. Especially in these bright red clothes.. we’d stand out too much. We are escorted to the principals office. It’s starting to hit me that I’ve done it again… gotten into trouble at school and of course they aren’t going to let this one slide. I only half-listen as the principal yammers on, letting us know that she’s calling our guardians. My heart pounds against my chest as we wait in the office area. I know Izaak isn’t going to be pleased. I desperately hope that my friends parents come first, but my prayers are ignored as I feel the heavy footsteps clomping towards me. I look up to see Izaak’s disappointed expression. He doesn’t say anything to me, just shakes his head. I’m hoping he’s forgotten his threat, though something in my tummy tells me that he hasn’t. The principal calls us into her office. My friends give me an empathetic look as I follow him, subconsciously putting my hands behind my back, half-covering my bottom as I fear what’s to come. We sit down next to each other as the principal closes the door, and Izaak’s attention is solely on her while I chew on a fingernail. I don’t hear anything she says but already know I’m being suspended. Already know the trouble I’m in. Already know the threat of getting kicked out. The principal asks if we have any questions or comments and all Izaak says is the thing I’ve been dreading — “can I have a word with my sister for a moment?” I’m a little thankful that at least he isn’t spanking me in front of her. But then she leaves and my pleading begins. “Pleaseeeee don’t do this here!” Izaak is having none of it. “Get over here, right now,” he bellows. He doesn’t sound angry, but very matter-of-fact. “But…” The look he gives me sends butterflies all throughout my body and all I can think about is how my friends are right outside the door and will be able to hear everything! How embarrassing!! Izaak doesn’t have to open his mouth again, because I can tell by the look in his eyes that we’re not leaving here until I get the spanking he promised me. I’m so mortified as I stand in my gym clothes, shuffling towards him like I’m going to the electric chair. It’s taking so long that he finally reaches for my wrist and pulls me the rest of the way. “What did I tell you would happen if I was called up to your school again?” I’m still chewing on my fingernail and mutter a pathetic answer that he won’t accept, so he pulls my hand away from my mouth. I look away but he turns me to face him, waiting patiently. “Y-you said you’d…” I pause, not wanting to utter the s-word out loud, but he wasn’t going to let me off that easily. “…spank me… here in the office…” “I warned you, Molly.” Just those four simple words then suddenly I’m over his lap, staring at the floor, praying he won’t pull down my shorts. Again, nobody is paying attention to my prayers because now I’m feeling the cool breeze as my shorts and panties are at my knees. If we’d been at home, I would be begging and pleading, but thinking about my friends outside the door, I decide to keep as much of my dignity as possible, at least while I still can. The spanking starts, echoing through the office and so loud I’m sure everyone in the whole school can hear it. I cover my mouth with both hands, not wanting everyone to know how much this hurts. But my legs are kicking and Izaak has this steady, fast rhythm that really stings and it’s so hard to keep my composure! I want to beg him to stop, plead with him that I’ve had enough. But I’m biting my hand instead, teeth marking my skin because I don’t want everyone to know what a baby I am. It feels like the swats continue for hourssssss. And he spanks me good, even on the sit spots! At some point I can’t hold back anymore and my hand flies back to try to block him, but he catches my wrist before he even misses a beat. Now I’m whining a little and crying out. The first tear escapes my eyes and I spit out a, “pleaseeeee no more!” Then an, “I’ll be a good girllllll!” My bottom feels like it’s on fire and the kicking isn’t helping at all. Now I finally just let the tears flow, hoping he’ll take pity on me and stop. And eventually it works. He lifts me up and stands me in front of him and looks me directly in the eyes. I can see his disappointment which just makes the knot in my tummy get tighter. He can see that my tears are just an effort to get him to stop and that I’m not truly sorry yet. He pulls up my panties and shorts but doesn’t let me rub my bottom. “We’re not finished yet,” he says in his no-nonsense tone. Before giving me a chance to whine, he catches me by surprise with a swat to my left thigh, then another to my right. I squeal and hop on one foot, only to be met with another smack. He repeats the smacks a few times, making sure my thighs are the color of my shorts (and my face!). By the time he finishes, I’m sore and actually starting to feel sorry. “We’ll talk more about this at home,” he says, now standing and giving me a quick, gentle hug, as if he didn’t really want to punish me like this. I wipe my eyes as he finally opens the door to lead us out of the principals office. All eyes are on me and I know they heard it all. And I know when I turn around they’ll all see my red thighs and imagine my bottom is the same color! And when I wake up from this dream, I’m a mixture of embarrassed and excited. I never realized I enjoyed the embarrassment, but I guess subconsciously I do… right? What’s your analysis of this dream?

izaak and violet argument

"Esperanza, come on, let's go!" Izaak barked as I leaned against the broom handle, staring into space.  I was dripping with sweat, stomach growling from lack of carbs today, and just ready to rest.

"Give me a fucking break already!" I growled back, about to explode.

"This is part of the routine, you agreed to abide by it this weekend."

"Why is your routine so fucking strenuous and boring??  We've already run up and down the stairs a billion times to do the fucking laundry, and now you have me cleaning everything up to military standards?  I'm not your fucking slave."

Izaak stopped what he was doing to stand up straight and look at me, hands on his hips.  "You're acting like I'm torturing you."

"This is torture!  Your life is the worst.  Why do you need to have everything so regimented and orderly?  How fucking ridiculous and boring."

For once he didn't remark on my colorful language, instead shaking his head at me.  "This is not that difficult."

"You don't know what's difficult for me.  You don't know what I'm going through right now."

He raised his eyebrows, but didn't ask.  I wished I could tell him everything.

But his silence just riled me up more.  Through gritted teeth I said, "Do you know fucking anything about anybody?"

"I know you're about to earn another spanking if you don't get back to work."

"Whatever, go ahead.  I don't care," I snapped, pushing the broomstick away so it landed on the floor with a loud THUD.

saturday morning

"Esperanza, Peterson, rise and shine!" Izaak's voice boomed as we were suddenly blinded by him opening the curtains.  

Clo groaned, but I felt her roll out of bed almost immediately, while I grumbled "five more minutes" and put the pillow over my face to hide from daylight.

Without a warning, I felt the blankets fly off me, and then the sting of the wooden spoon popping down on my pajama-clad bottom.  "No more minutes," Izaak said in a strict tone.  "You have three seconds to get up and moving."  I rolled my eyes from under the pillow, thankful he couldn't see and fuss at me for that.

"Bro, just chill, I'll get up in a minute..."

"Two seconds..." he warned.  And then when I laid still, heart clamoring against my ribcage, he said, "One second..."  I couldn't help but smirk, suspecting what would come next.  I idly wondered how many times he'd spank me this weekend as I felt my pajama shorts and panties being tugged down to mid-thigh, and then heard the CRACK of the wooden spoon peppering against my backside on top of all the marks I already had from the last two days.  It didn't take long for me to shriek and reach back.

"Okaaaayyyyy, fine!" I said, shoving the pillow off of me and giving Izaak a scowl.  He stopped the spanking, looking pleased with himself for getting me up at a record time of morning.  

"You have 5 minutes to get ready, or you'll get a proper spanking."

molly's response

"Okay, so maybe you did find Chloe in her high school yearbook, but that doesn't mean that she's the person you're looking for."

"Why would she lie to us about her last name?"

"Maybe it's a typo."

"Gabe wouldn't have hired her without the proper paperwork... why would she have a social security card with a different last name?  The government doesn't make typos like that and any normal person would've sent it back to get the proper spelling..."

Molly sighed.  "I dunno, it doesn't feel like enough evidence."  She yawned, feeding a piece of bacon to Crackers as she chewed her mouthful of food.

"So you think I need to get more evidence before bringing this to Gabe and Winters?"

"What do you think would happen if you don't?"

"Well Winters is a dick.  He'd probably just go with it, make up some of his own evidence or do something to fuck her over.  He's just waiting to throw someone else under the bus so his company doesn't go under.   He's desperate.  He would love for me to tell him that his blackmail video isn't legit because she wasn't actually underage."

Molly nodded, seemingly deep in thought.  "Do you really think Chloe would stick around after finding out you're working for Winters?  And wouldn't they have seen each other at some point?  Wouldn't Winters have pointed her out?"

violet's anger

Seeing the resemblance between the two women sent a jolt of anger through my system, and I slammed the laptop shut, ready to throw it at the wall.  I stood, pacing for a moment.  "What the fuck, bro," I said aloud to no one.  "After all we've been through together and now it feels like I don't even know you."  I paced faster, feeling a fire in my chest, a tension in my shoulders, ready to punch someone.  Am I going crazy?  "I trusted you.  I opened up to you!  Told you my darkest fucking secrets.  Because I thought you were part of the family.  But you're fucking not!"  My hands balled into fists, trying to take over.  I knew I needed to talk to someone... needed Toby or Molly to calm me down, or Izaak to play sports against, or Gabe to cane me again.  But it was the middle of the night, even Molly was sleeping.  "You're a fucking con and don't deserve to be part of our family.  Jokes on me for fucking trusting you."  My vision was getting blurry and I needed to do something, quick.  My hands landed on the tv remote and I launched it against the wall, causing it to shatter with a loud crash.  I heard the faint yelling of my downstairs neighbor saying, "go to sleep!"

Finally I was able to take a deep breath and plop back down on the recliner, muttering a "sorry" to the neighbor that probably couldn't hear me anymore.  Not that it mattered, all he wanted was for me to sit the fuck down.  

violet putting together the pieces

I was stunned into silence for the rest of the meeting, thoughts spinning out of control as all of the pieces connected together.  As soon as everyone left, I bolted to my room, snatching up my laptop to make sure I wasn't going crazy.  I opened the folder where I'd saved all the information about Chloe Peterson.  First, I pulled up the yearbook photo.