for any time i need vic inspiration

this video captures so much of how i imagine my character... so emo 😂🥰

https://youtu.be/EXsJI6vcIkA 

violet's animal

more of beach smoke circle

"So you're a switch?  Have you had an official spankee before?"

The memories came swirling back, making my tummy roll with disgust and my chest burn with anger.  But before I could answer, Toby had to throw in his two cents.  "Molly is a phenomenal top.  Anyone on the receiving end is very lucky to get her attention and care."

He was just saying that because he knew the topic of my ex-spankee upset me.

"How would you know?" Vic said with a teasing tone.  "Did she beat your ass before?"

Toby rolled his eyes.  "No, it's just so obvious."

"He's seen me spank a few people," I chimed in, hoping it would help me dodge Chloe's question.

"Who??" 

"Your sister, for one, a couple of weeks ago when she was all up in her feels about Jason and losing her job."

"And who else??"

Ugh.  I should've known there's no way I could get away with half-answers.  "This girl named Shelby...."

Vic mock-gasped.  "Are you saying there's something about Molly Collins I don't know??"  He grinned, waiting for me to spill the beans.  

I glanced at Toby who I could tell felt a little bad for me.  But instead of jumping in to change the subject and save me, he said, "It'll be good for you to talk about it.  Process some of those emotions."

Finally catching the tone, Vic said, "Wait, what happened?  Something bad?  I'll kick someone's ass.  Let me at her."

Toby snorted.  "It's cute when you try to be as tough as Violeta."

blah this felt like it was longer when i was writing it

(goes with this:  https://docs.google.com/document/d/1aYtsATYbUSvRNv1WQwpgRZTELHXYWMuGfuNnqTkiL70/edit?usp=sharing)

"Why don't you trust Izaak?  Hasn't he proven he'll be here for you?"

Not the question I'd expected in that moment from Toby.  We were walking on the edge of the ocean, waiting for the sun to rise after staying out all night and drunkenly making out in the car.  But I should've known the kind of intimacy Toby likes would make me more vulnerable than just taking off my clothes.  I'm not sure which I prefer, though.

"Who said I don't trust Izaak?"

"You're asking that to buy time while you figure out what I want to hear.  But what I want to hear is the truth."

My cheeks flushed at his candidness.  "It's not that anyway.  He's a cop...  He'd get in so much trouble... I shouldn't put him in that position."

"You don't trust that he will choose you over his job.  Nor do you trust that he would be able to figure out a win-win solution."

"Do cops ever go for the win-win?"  Tears threatened to fall and I stopped, looking Toby in the eyes.  Something seemed kinda off with him... different from our usual chats.  Maybe just the alcohol.  

"You see him as a cop before you see him as a friend."  The words came out matter-of-factly, causing the truth of the statement to hit me much harder than I would have liked.  "But why?"

chloe after sleepover

The panic crept in as soon as I left Molly's room.  It was a miracle that I'd been able to smash it down for so long after learning that we'd be going to Washington state... not DC.  Wtf?  How had I not realized that?

Violet had to be investigating Sage — who else would she be looking for in Seattle?  And she'd mentioned that this person's calls are monitored... of course it's Sage!  What am I going to do?

If Izaak hadn't just punished me for smoking, I'd be outside with Violet right now having a cigarette.  The weed Molly had given me was nice, but wasn't calming my nerves at all.  Anyway, the only reason I'd gotten it was because I'm going to be nervous af when Izaak picks us up, and he will definitely notice and question it.  Weed is the perfect excuse.  He wouldn't buy it if I just told him I'm afraid of flying since we've flown together before and I'm obviously not.

I splashed water on my face to try to calm my nerves, then laid in Violet's bed (or I guess her brother's bed?) trying to breathe like Toby had taught me.  She came in with the familiar cigarette scent, which made me a little jealous.  If anything could calm my nerves for a few minutes, it was nicotine. 

But I'm moving past that.  Best not to even think about it.

As she snuggled into bed next to me, Violet and I made a little conversation which distracted me for a bit, until she started snoring and then I was alone with my thoughts.

molly in lockdown part 2?

After this — https://breannastoryworld.com/2020/10/09/molly-in-lockdown/

My emotions were still heavy, even if I'd cried some of them out.  Vulnerable for the first time in weeks, I couldn't detach from Gabe after he finally broke me.  He didn't mind — he crawled into bed next to me, arms wrapped around me rubbing my back, and occasionally my stinging bottom.  

When my sniffles finally died down, Gabe said, "Get cleaned up.  We're going to have a videocall with Toby."

More feelings surfaced (along with regret that I'd gotten rid of the numbness).  "Noooo... I don't wanna talk to him!"  

Toby.  Not even the doc.  Gabe is serious.  

"Why not?" He tucked my hair behind my ear so I'd have to look at him.  His concerned expression made me melt.

"He's gonna be mad and yell at me and make me feel guilty and I don't wanna have feelings anymore."  The little space just came out so naturally.  I snuggled closer to Gabe, wanting him to protect me.

"If he makes you feel guilty, I'll take care of it.  But he won't.  He's worried about you, just like I am.  And he's the expert in this, so we're going to call him."  He squeezed me tight, sensing that I was about to argue again, so decided to follow up with his demand.  "Now are you going to get cleaned up, or am I going to have to bathe you myself?"

Oof... I blushed so hard, burying my face into the sheets.  Too many feels.

"After the call, we'll order dinner and you can show me that videogame you're always talking about."

molly-chloe-toby-vic smoke circle

"What was your first impression of Gabe?  How did you feel about him when you met?"

"I put Gabe on a pedestal from the second we started chatting.  He was just so direct and firm with me, and smart.  It was clear that he was better than me — I was just 18, stuck in community college, barely living on my slightly-over-minimum wage salary and whatever ad money I earned from my blog.  I rented a room in a house with 7 strangers while Gabe had his own bachelor pad and talked about soon buying a condo in Manhattan.  We were from totally different worlds... his parents held dinner parties and schmoozed with politicians.  The coolest thing in my podunk hometown was the skating rink.

"Gabe was almost too perfect.  I didn't even put myself in the same league as him.  Like... 18 year old me would've never imagined this... staying with him in his beach house?  Yeah right.  Even though he said he was family, I defaulted to thinking that everyone's gonna abandon me.  I mean, if my actual fam abandoned me multiple times, wouldn't anyone else do the same?  It's taken a long time and some great friends for me to finally be in a place where I can say out loud that not everyone will abandon me.

"Now tell us your first impression of Izaak... How did you two ever happen??"

lol something i started (toby/tristen)

When the school guidance counselor called me, I already suspected what it was about — the (presumably stolen) expensive art supplies Tristen had been using lately (but refused to tell me where she'd gotten them from).  What I hadn't realized was how close my little sister was to having child services called.  Hindsight, they probably should have been, but I was practically a kid myself and the fear of 

good morning ☀️

"Bro, why you so nervous?"  Violet smacked me on the arm from her spot in the backseat, causing Izaak to give her a hard glare.

"Seatbelt on, Esperanza.  Do not make me tell you again."

"Yeah, yeah," she mumbled, obeying with a hard sigh.  "Should've just taken an uber.  They ain't so bossy."

Izaak ignored her comments, focused on the nearly-deserted road.  He was already dressed for work and super perky for the sun barely being up.  

"There you are, doing it again — you fidget with your ring so much when you're nervous.  Ha... I'm starting to get as good as the doc with this.  Maybe I should be a shrink."

I looked back at her.  "I don't like flying."

"Whaaat for real?  Why not?"

"Umm... I dunno... humans are meant to be on land, not in the air.  We're not birds."

My tummy dropped as Izaak looked at me, eyebrows suspicious.  "No," he said flatly.  "You're nervous about something else."  He was stopped at a redlight and just stared at me for a minute.  

I felt myself getting sweaty.  Ever since I found out our trip was to Washington state, not DC, I'd been super on edge.  The weed wasn't even sufficient to calm my nerves.  And Izaak could read me so well, I knew he'd ask what was up with me.  Which is why I'd convinced Molly to give me one of her pens.  Being nervous about "drugs" would be more believable than flying, but still not be the truth:  We're going to visit my ex-partner-in-crime!

"Spill it, kiddo.  Did Esperanza badly influence you again?"

violet spanking chloe?

"I told you to stay put in the car, didn't I?"  Violet paced in front of me, suddenly seeming taller.

"But I found the memory card that probably has evidence you can use..."

"Nobody asked what you found.  This is my case, which means I'm the boss."

Usually I got the vibes from Violet that she enjoyed the back and forth, appreciating people who have the courage to fight back.  But tonight she expected compliance, determined to defeat me.  So I hung my head apologetically.  "I'm sorry."

She raised her eyebrows, impressed (or skeptical?) that I'd given in so quickly.  "What are we going to do about this?  Gabe would be pissed to know you almost fucked up my investigation.  I don't think you want me to tell him."

My head shot up as I shivered at the idea of the verbal lashing he'd give me — just the harshness in Gabe's tone could bring me to tears.  And would he suspect the reason I'd broken in?  "Noo, I definitely don't..."

"Then I guess I'll have to spank you to teach you a lesson."

I blushed and looked away, only having half-expected her to actually suggest that.  It was that stupid toppy mood she'd been in since spanking Molly.  "I've learned my lesson, I promise.  You don't have to... do that.  It would be so embarrassing."

"You deserve to be embarrassed.  You're lucky they didn't catch us!"  She sat down on the couch.  "Are you going to get over my lap or should I call Gabe?"