another ch25 revision

Izaak flipped off the tv and turned towards me. “It’s time for your spanking, kiddo, and then bed.”

“Noooooooooo,” I whined dramatically, ready to throw myself on the floor like a kid, even though I was nervously excited to finally get a real spanking.  Adam hadn't had time earlier, and the one from Violet last night didn't count.  Izaak's spanking would give me all the warm fuzzies I needed to temporarily fill the pit of loneliness and self-hatred. “One more episode, pleaseeeeeee!” My best puppy expression had minimal effect on him, so I tried to snatch the remote, only causing Izaak to raise it out of my reach and wear a more serious expression.

“Sit down. I told you before dinner that we were having a discussion about your behavior at 23:00 sharp. You know how I feel about sticking to a schedule and being on time. No amount of your whining and pouting will change my mind.”

I obediently plopped back onto the couch, now folding my arms and letting the hot crocodile tears stream down my cheeks.  Izaak allowed my mini-tantrum, waiting patiently for my whining to subside before speaking. 

He's so sweet, letting me act out all of my emotions without stopping me.  I love him so much...

“What are you in trouble for?”

The scene was familiar, a replica of the hundreds of times he’d spanked me in the past. There was something comfortable about the ritual, knowing what was to come. “Being a bad influence, but I’m sorryyyyy!”

“What are you sorry about?” 

still revising ch25

As I hit send on the last message, my phone vibrated with, surprise, a response from Adam!  Typical for my heart to speed up with anticipation as I read.  Back from CT, let’s catch up?  Stopping by the office first and will pick you up at 11 for lunch.  

So many mixed feelings.... excited to get the attention, angry at myself for being happy when he’d treated me like a used toy, nervous about a potential spanking.  Part of me wanted to leave him on read as karma.  But I was too wrapped up in love and hurriedly typed in a confirmation that I’d be ready and waiting outside when he arrived.

Like me, my boyfriend grew up in a single-parent home, though struggled more financially since he has younger siblings.  As the oldest and without a mother, he’s learned to burden himself with everyone else’s problems, so I couldn’t really blame him for wanting to help his ex-wife with the kids.  Nevertheless, when he pulled up to my apartment with a bouquet of fake flowers, with 1/8 oz of weed hidden inside, because he knew the kind of plant I prefer, and an apology card, I remembered why I fell so head over heels for him in the first place.

“I thought we could have Japanese, then swing by your place to enjoy your gift.”

“Before you head back?”  

decided to scrap from ch25 (i think)

We’d been in his apartment for about a half hour, catching up with each other, enjoying the light-hearted banter.  Then Adam said, “It’s time for our talk.”

The change in tone sent a fiery sensation through my belly.  Even though I was glad for the attention, I was unhappy at his insistence on punishing me, especially since Izaak was planning to give me what I’d been looking for lately. “But we’re having so much fun... why ruin it now?”

“We’ve delayed long enough.  Care to review what you’re in trouble for?”

“Not really.”

He scooted me off his lap and stood me in front of him, glancing up with his piercing blue-gray eyes.  I tried to back away, but he pulled me back by my belt loop and landed a sharp swat on my bottom.  

“I don’t wanna do this…” I mumbled.  “Can’t we hang out instead?”  

Instead of answering me, Adam unbuttoned and unzipped my pants, sliding them and my panties to the floor, leaving me standing in front of him, completely bare from the waist down.  I blushed so hard that my face was probably the same color as my hair.  When I tried to cover myself, he ordered me to put my hands on my head.  “You asked for discipline. There’s no backing out of it now.  Tell me all you’ve done wrong since I last spanked you.”

“Really?  That was forever ago,” I said with an attitude, immediately regretting it and biting my lower lip.

“I’m waiting.” 

lol too sleepy 😴

"I regret what I said — to Molly, and to you, when we were outside.  I'm sorry.  There is no excuse for my words, but I want you to know that I didn't mean it..."

"I know.  Apology accepted."  Izaak placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, probably an effort to ease my anxiety, and it sorta worked.  I'd never want Izaak to think I really felt better off without them... I'm not as much of a dick as my father. 

izaak/toby beginning maybe

I met Izaak at the front door when he arrived, too ashamed to speak as I lead him upstairs.  We entered my bedroom and his long legs immediately strode to the couch, ignoring the wooden chair I'd placed in the middle of the room, expecting a traditional otk spanking.  He motioned for me to take a seat next to him.

Neither of us spoke for a moment until I looked up and our eyes met.  "You have not answered anyone's phone call for almost two weeks."

Gulping, I hung my head.  "I know.  I've been in a depressive episode."

He was silent, processing what I'd just told him.  "You were in a manic state last time I saw you." 

I nodded, noticing that I wanted to get defensive and trick Izaak into feeling pity for me.  I could recount past traumas and use psychiatrist jargon to make him think that I didn't actually deserve to be punished... to defend me against being vulnerable in front of him.  But I didn't react to that desire, instead keeping a solemn expression, hands folded in my lap. 

"

violet's weekend with izaak and clo

It was so hard to be with Clo, knowing her secret, and knowing that I had to steal back the memory card.  What was she hiding on there that she didn't want me to see?  She must've been able to hack the card... I bet she knew the passwords anyway, if she and Sage worked together.  

Did Izaak know?  Was he protecting her?  

Those were the thoughts going through my mind as I jogged next to him, yawning at the crisp dawn air.  "Why does Clo get to skip out on this bullshit."

"She attends 5 other days in the week.  When was the last time you went for a jog?"

I rolled my eyes at him but didn't answer, too out of breath and 

to revise and add to next chapter (not finished yet 😅)

"It's time to have our talk."

The change in tone sent a fiery sensation through my belly.  Even though I was glad for the attention, I was frustrated at his insistence on punishing me.  Especially since Izaak was already planning to give me what I'd been looking for lately. "But we've been having so much fun... why ruin it now?"

"We've delayed long enough.  Care to review what you're in trouble for?"

"No, it's okay."

He scooted me off his lap and stood me in front of him.  

I backed away, only for him to pull me back towards him by my belt loop.  

Then he unbuttoned and unzipped my pants, sliding them and my panties to the floor, leaving me standing in front of him, completely bare from the waste down.  I blushed so hard that my face was probably the same color as my hair.  When I tried to cover myself, he ordered me to put my hands on my head and confess to him everything I'd done wrong since he last spanked me. 

"Really?  That was forever ago," I said with attitude, immediately regretting it and biting my lower lip.

"I'm waiting." 

I looked away, listing my misdeeds.  Meanwhile, Adam stood and paced behind me, causing my heart to race and knees to shake in nervousness.  Any minute now he could swat my bare bottom, and I couldn't protect myself at all.

toby depression guilt

Snapping out of a depressive episode is jarring at first.  Something clicks into place and suddenly a wave of guilt threatens to drown me.  Since I've been numb, I don't notice it at first, until memories of my behavior start sinking in.  

The last three weeks have been hell — starting with Chloe's confession.  With distance, I could see the trigger so obviously.  I let myself get too invested with trying to help her, started feeling used, and instead of acknowledging that, I self-medicated with substances and fucked up my sleep.  In my hypomanic state, I lashed out at Molly and detached from everyone, self-destructive.  

The depression that followed was one of the worst I've ever had.  The shame of missing work.  Avoiding all of my friends.  For once I'm thankful for Violeta's lack of boundaries.  If she hadn't come when she did, who knows how long I would've been fucked up.

As I tidied my space, my thoughts wandered to how much I "should" feel guilty for versus not.  Which gave me a headache.  I hadn't been so active in days.  I just wanted to give this decision to somebody else... but only somebody I trust, who wouldn't feel sorry for me, but would also be fair.  

random adam/molly convo

"You actually let Violet spank you?  I'm so sorry for not being able to see you sooner..."

"I won't let her again," I said with a huff.  "It was because of Gabe.  He can be so mean sometimes."

"I'm glad he's looking out for you, but I'll have to check in on you more often, young lady."  Adam patted my bottom lightly.

My lower lip poked out.  "Nobody wants me to have fun."

"Oh yeah?  And what kind of fun is it that you want to have?"

"Hmmmm....." 🤔  My mind flashed immediately to Chloe snuggled up in her short pink shorts, tight gray shirt that showed off her slight curves.  She smelled like peaches and baby powder, bangs fallen in front of her eyes, bubble gum colored lips begging to be punished.  "I want a pet.  A little girl that obeys all of my commands and lets me play with her when I want.  And I want to watch you torture her."

Adam's eyebrow raised in concern.  "I don't know how I feel about torturing somebody...."

Totally ruined the mood with his niceness.  "It would be consensual," I said with an eyeroll.  Gabe would torture my pet for me.

ch25 add-ins

I plopped back down on the bed and reached for my phone and vape pen.  The first thing I noticed was a message from, surprise, Adam!  Typical for my heart to speed up with anticipation as I read.  Back from CT today, let's catch up?  Going to the office first and will pick you up at 10.  

So many mixed feelings.... excited to get the attention, angry at myself for being happy when he'd treated me like shit, nervous about a potential spanking.  Part of me wanted to leave him on read as karma.  But I was too wrapped up in love and hurriedly typed in a confirmation that I'd be ready and waiting outside when he arrived.

Like me, my boyfriend grew up in a single-parent home, though struggled more financially since he had a younger brother.  He has always been consistently burdened with everyone else's problems, a trait that will likely never die.  It was impossible for Adam to tell anyone no, another similarity between us, so I couldn't really blame him for wanting to help out his ex-wife with the kids.  Nevertheless, when he pulled up to my apartment with a bouquet of flowers (fake ones though, with 1/8 of weed hidden inside, because he knew the kind of plant I prefer) and apology note, I was even more head over heels for him.

"I haven't been by the condo yet — I thought we could head there first to discuss your behavior, and then enjoy your gift and order lunch, maybe take a nap."

"Before you head back?"