to revise and add to next chapter (not finished yet 😅)

"It's time to have our talk."

The change in tone sent a fiery sensation through my belly.  Even though I was glad for the attention, I was frustrated at his insistence on punishing me.  Especially since Izaak was already planning to give me what I'd been looking for lately. "But we've been having so much fun... why ruin it now?"

"We've delayed long enough.  Care to review what you're in trouble for?"

"No, it's okay."

He scooted me off his lap and stood me in front of him.  

I backed away, only for him to pull me back towards him by my belt loop.  

Then he unbuttoned and unzipped my pants, sliding them and my panties to the floor, leaving me standing in front of him, completely bare from the waste down.  I blushed so hard that my face was probably the same color as my hair.  When I tried to cover myself, he ordered me to put my hands on my head and confess to him everything I'd done wrong since he last spanked me. 

"Really?  That was forever ago," I said with attitude, immediately regretting it and biting my lower lip.

"I'm waiting." 

I looked away, listing my misdeeds.  Meanwhile, Adam stood and paced behind me, causing my heart to race and knees to shake in nervousness.  Any minute now he could swat my bare bottom, and I couldn't protect myself at all.

toby depression guilt

Snapping out of a depressive episode is jarring at first.  Something clicks into place and suddenly a wave of guilt threatens to drown me.  Since I've been numb, I don't notice it at first, until memories of my behavior start sinking in.  

The last three weeks have been hell — starting with Chloe's confession.  With distance, I could see the trigger so obviously.  I let myself get too invested with trying to help her, started feeling used, and instead of acknowledging that, I self-medicated with substances and fucked up my sleep.  In my hypomanic state, I lashed out at Molly and detached from everyone, self-destructive.  

The depression that followed was one of the worst I've ever had.  The shame of missing work.  Avoiding all of my friends.  For once I'm thankful for Violeta's lack of boundaries.  If she hadn't come when she did, who knows how long I would've been fucked up.

As I tidied my space, my thoughts wandered to how much I "should" feel guilty for versus not.  Which gave me a headache.  I hadn't been so active in days.  I just wanted to give this decision to somebody else... but only somebody I trust, who wouldn't feel sorry for me, but would also be fair.  

random adam/molly convo

"You actually let Violet spank you?  I'm so sorry for not being able to see you sooner..."

"I won't let her again," I said with a huff.  "It was because of Gabe.  He can be so mean sometimes."

"I'm glad he's looking out for you, but I'll have to check in on you more often, young lady."  Adam patted my bottom lightly.

My lower lip poked out.  "Nobody wants me to have fun."

"Oh yeah?  And what kind of fun is it that you want to have?"

"Hmmmm....." 🤔  My mind flashed immediately to Chloe snuggled up in her short pink shorts, tight gray shirt that showed off her slight curves.  She smelled like peaches and baby powder, bangs fallen in front of her eyes, bubble gum colored lips begging to be punished.  "I want a pet.  A little girl that obeys all of my commands and lets me play with her when I want.  And I want to watch you torture her."

Adam's eyebrow raised in concern.  "I don't know how I feel about torturing somebody...."

Totally ruined the mood with his niceness.  "It would be consensual," I said with an eyeroll.  Gabe would torture my pet for me.

ch25 add-ins

I plopped back down on the bed and reached for my phone and vape pen.  The first thing I noticed was a message from, surprise, Adam!  Typical for my heart to speed up with anticipation as I read.  Back from CT today, let's catch up?  Going to the office first and will pick you up at 10.  

So many mixed feelings.... excited to get the attention, angry at myself for being happy when he'd treated me like shit, nervous about a potential spanking.  Part of me wanted to leave him on read as karma.  But I was too wrapped up in love and hurriedly typed in a confirmation that I'd be ready and waiting outside when he arrived.

Like me, my boyfriend grew up in a single-parent home, though struggled more financially since he had a younger brother.  He has always been consistently burdened with everyone else's problems, a trait that will likely never die.  It was impossible for Adam to tell anyone no, another similarity between us, so I couldn't really blame him for wanting to help out his ex-wife with the kids.  Nevertheless, when he pulled up to my apartment with a bouquet of flowers (fake ones though, with 1/8 of weed hidden inside, because he knew the kind of plant I prefer) and apology note, I was even more head over heels for him.

"I haven't been by the condo yet — I thought we could head there first to discuss your behavior, and then enjoy your gift and order lunch, maybe take a nap."

"Before you head back?"

random scene (after izaak/violet's vacation)

Molly's bright red hair stood out in the sea of people at baggage claim as she laughed at my brother's colorful story-telling.  Vic was all animated as he spoke, arms waving around as if he were an air traffic controller, until he caught sight of Izaak and me on the escalator.  "Hermanita!" he shouted with the biggest grin, and the warmth in my chest had me running towards my family before I even consciously realized it.

"Yo, I missed your ugly face," I teased Vic after our gigantic bear hug, then tackled Molly so hard that she almost toppled over.  "You smell different — less weedy than normal.  Did the doc and Gabe force you to quit smokin' while I was gone?  I'll kick their asses."

She giggled, squeezing me tighter.  "I've been fasting for the week so we could have a good smoke sesh tonight."

"The fuck?  That doesn't sound like you."

"So much gossip to share!"

"My favorite!"

x-x-x-x

random scene on my mind

3rd fam meeting:

"I finished everything, so no, you don't get to torture me in front of everyone."

"Damn, sis, that brattitude.  Are you gonna let her talk to you like that, doc?"

"Stop trying to instigate," Toby scolded me, then went back to giving Clo the googly eyes.  

"When are you two gonna fuck already?"

"Violet!" Molly shrieked, throwing a pillow at me.

I swatted it away towards Izaak who easily caught it in one quick motion and gave me a stoic glare.  "Yo don't throw shit.  Someone should spank you for that."  I glanced at Izaak.  "Aren't you gonna spank her?"

"Shut up!  You wouldn't be this obnoxious if Gabe were here."  

"Bro what's your fuckin' deal?"  I started scooting up in my seat, sorta about to stand but really just wanting to run my mouth, but was cut off by Sergeant Douche.

"That's enough," he said in his serious cop voice.  There was a hard-edge to his tone, enough to make my heart skip a beat and my body tingle.

When I caught my breath, I took my snarkiness out on him, with a hint of flirting.  "Or else what?"

"You do not want to find out."

"As if you could handle me."

"Twenty-four hours in my care would be good for your attitude.  You, however, would not last."

"Ha!  Is that a bet?  I'll raise you to 48 hours.  A whole weekend.  When I triumph, you can admit defeat here in front of everyone."

His lips curved in a smirk, then he held his hand out to shake.  "Deal."

not sure 🤔

"You started a food fight in a soup kitchen.  Do you not even care how disrespectful that is?"

"I told you I didn't wanna come to your dumb religious bullshit.  Shoulda listened to me..."

Izaak pinched the back of my arm with his gigantic fingers, squeezing enough to make me squeal.  I blushed when someone across the street saw the scene.  "I'd forgotten how low you'd go to rebel against authority."  He started walking, pushing me along with him.

"Yo, let go!  Someone's gonna think you're a domestic abuser.  And cops don't go easy on us brown people."

He didn't listen, but loosened up a bit, leading me to the pharmacy before he finally let go.  "Stay close or I will have to hold your hand like a baby."

I rolled my eyes.  "What are we doing here?  Why ain't we doin' anything fun?  Come onnnn you said after volunteering..."

"Quiet, or I will take you to the restroom to silence you." 

My lips snapped shut, unsure if he was lying, but not wanting to test it to find out.  I stayed at his side, not really paying attention as he wandered through the store.  That is, until he stopped and turned to look at me, glancing at my waist.  I realized that he had stopped right in front of the diapers and a flash from our earlier conversation appeared in my mind.  

"Wait... you were serious?"

Izaak's narrowed eyes scanned for a size he thought would fit me, then he tossed the package to me.  "Somehow I'll get my point across."

My face warmed, mortified.  "No way... that wasn't part of the deal..."

molly making excuses for toby

I almost thought I was hallucinating when I opened the door to find Toby.  It'd been almost two weeks since I'd seen or spoken to him, and he looked different.  Not physically... just something about his... spirit.  Like he'd been through some shit.

"Hey, can I come in?"  The familiarity of his voice sent a comforting chill down my body and tears to my eyes.

Without letting them fall, I stepped to the side, unsure of how I should feel.  My chest ached, but my tummy was settled for the first time in weeks.  As he stepped in front of me, I reached out and clung onto him for dear life, letting the door slam shut.  His body was rigid at first, confused, but eventually he settled in.  We stayed like that in silence for a minute.  Unsurprisingly, some of those tears slipped out.  More surprising, Toby didn't loosen his grip for a few seconds after I released my hold on him.  I glanced up to see him rubbing a few of his own tears away.

Taking his hand in mine, I walked him to my room.  By the time we sat on the couch, Toby's eyes were dry but melancholy, ashamed.  "I'm sorry for the way I've acted lately."

"You don't have to..."

He held his hand up to stop me.  "I shouldn't have said what I did at the meeting, regardless of how upset I was."

"But you weren't really in control of yourself... mania sucks."

feeling rusty 😅

"Come on... we can break the contract one night."

"We already did.  On vacation."

I rolled my eyes.  "This is fucking stupid.  Just give me my pen baaaaaack."  I stomped my foot, folding my arms in a huff, knowing this wouldn't work on Gabe but unable to resist.

"The last thing I would do is reward your behavior from today with a smoke.  Come on, it's time to get ready for bed."

"It's not a reward, it's mine!  I don't wanna go to bed."  

Gabe sighed, calmly taking my hand and pulling me towards him.  "Look at me."  The sternness in his confident voice made me immediately obey.  His hazel eyes were serious.  "Do you trust me to be in control?"

I didn't even think about it.  "Yes."

"Then that's enough with your tantrums.  Instead of thinking about the weed I'm not allowing you to smoke, focus on my instructions."  He reached up to tuck my hair behind my ear, then lift my chin so I wouldn't look away.  "Get your toothbrush and pajamas out of your backpack, get washed up and changed for bed.  When you finish, get the bathbrush and cream, and bring them to me.  Am I clear?"

I gulped and nodded, teary-eyed.  Gabe bent down and gave a quick kiss to my forehead, finally letting go of my chin.  

As warm and cozy as he made me feel, once I scampered away to follow his directions, the bad thoughts came back.  Toby hating me.  His words playing through my mind on repeat.  All the times I'd fucked up friendships in the past.  My mind telling me what a horrible person I am.

toby molly drama 🎭😅

I tried to look him in the eyes as I spoke.  "I'm sorry... it was so stupid... I won't do anything like this again... please don't hate me..."  I wiped my watery eyes then put my hands together as if praying.  

Everyone was silent for a minute, the only sounds that could be heard were my sniffles.  I didn't know what to say or do, or where we would go from here.  Normally Toby and I led everything while the others were the stars of the show.  But tonight it was all backward...

"Please say something..."  

"What do you want me to say?  I'm still processing that someone of your intellect could do something so… foolish."

"I... just wanted to help..."

"Help?  You think it's helpful for someone with zero medical training to decide what pills a 17 year old girl should take?  And what if she has a bad reaction?  My career is down the drain, and I know you, the guilt would eat you alive."

"That wouldn't happen.  It wasn't anything heavy like xanax..."

His cutting glare made my tummy twist into knots again.  "I don't give a shit what pill you forged my signature on.  You aren't trained to give out medication, period."

I hung my head.  "I thought I was just helping..."

"Your typical pattern of enabling.  You let people overstep your boundaries and think they won't continue doing it, but it happens again and again and you wonder why.  This is why.  You break laws to keep them happy.  Where are they when you take the fall?"

"Bro, what the fuck, back off," Violet said.