ch18 intro

Sunday I woke up with a bitter taste in my mouth, guilt-free but pessimistic about my ability to keep up with my goals.  As we headed to running group, Toby noticed my mood and tried to perk me up with his annoying reminders:  "The most important is to not be alone when you're triggered.  You have a group of us that you can call.  There's no way we'll all five be busy at once."

"I'm sure it could happen," I grumbled to his disapproval.

"Stay positive.  Find healthier hobbies.  I'm going to check in during our family meetings to make sure you're staying on track."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at him because I knew he was right.  Thankfully Toby wasn't the type to expect me to actually exercise and meditate everyday, but he'd definitely stay true to his word.  "Work will keep me busy."

"That's good to nourish your mind, but don't forget your body and soul."

"Yeah, yeah, exercise and meditation, I know."  We'd thankfully arrived at the track now, everyone in a circle on the field as Izaak lead them in stretches.  He seemed so different now than when I'd first met him: a sexist, military-trained guy with a stick up his ass and bossing everyone around.  Now Izaak was a buff bronze-skinned deity, strict but fair, a good person just for the sake of being good.

To get out of more lectures, I jogged towards the group, waving at everyone and giving Clo a fist bump.  "Missed you yesterday," I said, standing at her side so we could look like un-athletic losers together.  

"Izaak doesn't make me run on the weekends, but I got in trouble last night so chose this over another... you know."

I smirked at the way her cheeks blushed thinking about getting spanked.  

Toby now joined us, finding space on the other side of Clo.  The two of them locked eyes flirtatiously.  There was definitely some chemistry there... I'd first noticed at the party but now it was obvious.  

x-x-x-x

After jogging 6 out of 8 laps (because that's how much slower I was than everyone else... fucking cigarettes), the group scattered leaving only my friends and another person I didn't know.  

"You play flag football?" Izaak asked me as Toby and Clo flirted off to the side, oblivious to everyone else.

My eyebrows raised.  "Yeah for sure, Bro.  Why?"

"Stay for our game.  We are always one player short."

"Always so fuckin' bossy."

"You have something better to do?"

The only other thing I had to do was pay off Jason, which I would happily procrastinate.  "Why ain't it regular football though... I wanna tackle you."

He laughed.  "Seriously?  You could not handle me."

"Is that a challenge?" I said with a wink.

We were interrupted by a guy who could've been Izaak's little brother.  He carried duffle bags of the equipment, and Izaak ordered me to help set up the field.  My gut reaction was to unleash my inner anarchist, but for some reason I felt a little more submissive than normal, and kinda liked him bossing me around.  Ew.  Where did that come from?

After setting up the cones for the boundaries and sorting the vests/flags by color, I looked up to see that a group of teens was huddled around Izaak.  

Ugh, I hadn't realized this would be a babysitting job.

Only one of the adolescents was a girl, and she seemed like an outcast in her hijab amongst the sausage fest.  She's the person I decided to stand beside as Izaak gave his pep talk.  He was speaking in Arabic, facial expressions animated but I had no fucking clue what he said.  Instead, I glanced over at Toby and Clo on our sidelines, laughing and being a little more touchy than just friends.  

"Esperanza!"  I looked up to see Izaak pointing to his side.  "You'll be a team captain."

All of the kids were staring at me, triggering memories from my first day at a new school after I moved in with my aunt and uncle.  All of the kids had been bigger than me, scarier, from the projects.  Some of the boys back then had already been recruited into gangs.  They poked fun the sheltered little girl from the nicer side of the tracks, claiming I was white-washed, not a "real" Mexican like they were.

It took me a few seconds to bring myself back into the present moment (made easier thanks to Toby's persistent meditation routine), but then I went to Izaak's side as he called up the other team captain — the adult who had brought the equipment.  Izaak did a coin toss and I was the winner, getting to pick the first player.

"You," I said, pointing at the female.  The boy in front of her assume it was he that I had picked, so I had to correct that.  "No, her."

An audible gasp swept over the group as she came to my team.  I held up my hand for a high five and she smiled, indulging.  Then I proceeded to search for the other underdogs to create the most pathetic blue team ever.  

It'd been years since I watched a football game, and even longer since I'd participated.  But the rules came back to me so quickly, along with memories of Monday night games on tv with my dad.  His words came out in my voice as I instructed the kids what to do, how to work as a team.  My girl scored a touchdown which was very entertaining to see the response from her peers who hadn't believed in her.

Well, the blue underdogs still lost.

After the game, one of the boys was mocking the girl.  I'm not sure what he was saying, but it was clearly upsetting her.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Izaak was about to intervene but figured I knew how to better handle this little piece of shit.  **idk what she would do but something to put him in his place**

Izaak was still in a huddle with a few people, so I went to Toby and Clo.  "What are you two love birds up to?"

Clo blushed but Toby didn't seem to mind.  "We were the mental health benefits of team sports and I just started my lecture about oxytocin."

"Dude, what the fuck.  She don't wanna be bored with that shit."

Toby glanced back at her.  "Violeta has been tortured with my lessons all weekend.  She doesn't understand that some people actually want to take better care of themselves."

I shook my head.  "Did you make Clo meditate, too?  That shit's tedious."  

"We should all meditate after that intense game."  Izaak's sudden voice made me jump in startle.  

"I'm sure Professor Toby wouldn't mind leading us in one."

x-x-x-x

It was early afternoon when I finally went home, feeling refreshed and optimistic again.  Molly was gone, enjoying her weekly Sunday brunch with Adam, so I took the opportunity to repay her and Vic for all the shit they'd done for me and did a deep clean in the apartment.  Like legit scrubbed everything, re-organized the storage spaces, washed and folded all of the laundry, and made the floors spotless.  There's no telling when the last time someone did that was — neither of them were very interested in cleanliness. 

I took a long, soothing shower with happy Spanish music in the background, singing along as I practiced enjoying the present moment.  Then I convinced myself to make amends with Jason.  Time to return the money I'd stolen from him.  

Ugh, I don't wanna.

I ignored the uneasy feeling in my tummy as I walked towards my old apartment.  The air was thick and sticky, causing me to sweat so much that I knew I'd have to take another shower when I got back home.