chloe idk

[this really just started out as me trying to figure out where the plot was going. it's not really in story format.... but then.... idk what happened lol]

After the phone call [at the end of chapter 10], Izaak came back to the room, and I was definitely in little space.  I snuggled up with him lots, spoke more childish, and even let him tuck me into bed.  

The next morning when I woke up, I was still in little mode a bit.  It was early so I was grumpy and I still felt sore from last night's spanking.  When he reminded me that I was going to get spanked again, it made me really upset... angry-sad.  

Toby noticed it while we were running, so I told him what had happened.  He mentioned the spanking party idea, and I wanted anything that would get me out of a spanking (thinking that he was on my side of course).  I didn't go with Toby when he told the idea to Izaak, but I watched while I stretched and Izaak looked up at me kind of disappointed.

After their conversation, the vibe with Izaak felt off.  He seemed annoyed with me, but denied it.  Our train ride to work was awkward-ish.  Hopefully it would be better later.

At work, I arrived before Gabe and called Winters right away without thinking.  When a receptionist answered, I felt stupid — of course he wouldn't answer his own line.  I set up the appointment for next week and pushed thoughts away, and got to work like normal.

It was amusing seeing Violet in the work environment.  She was her same sassy self, but much smarter than I'd realized.  

When I got home from work and felt the awkwardness with Izaak, I remembered the spanking party thing and started regretting it.  My little side was out and I was squirmy when I sat down for dinner with him.  Part of me wanted to ask him to spank me instead of doing the party thing... but another part of me felt hopefully avoidant.  

I definitely lost my appetite that day.  It was Tuesday.  Izaak scolded me for leaving half of my meal, but I faked a tummy ache and he let it go.  Then he was super nice to me (though it felt kind of fake) and gave extra cuddles.

Wednesday was a normal day.  I was starting to get out of little headspace, falling into the work week rhythm.  I forgot about the party (though occasionally reminded when I saw Violet, even though we didn't speak of it) and forgot about Winters and forgot about the awkwardness with Izaak.

Still a little tension when I got home that evening, which I felt compelled to fix, but wasn't sure how.  I was slow to eat again, which he asked if I was still not feeling well, getting a little worried.  He felt my forehead to check if I had a fever, determining I did not, and then questioning what was going on.

"Nothing."

"Why haven't you been eating?"

"What are you talking about?  I ate."

He cocked an eyebrow.  "You've been picking at your food for a half hour.  Maybe two bites."  When I didn't say anything, still playing with my food, he said, "Looking for an excuse to get out of going tomorrow?"

Which reminded me of the party and made my stomach twist more into knots.  "No.  I had a big lunch.  I'm not hungry."

Izaak didn't speak for a moment, chewing the rest of his food, then placing his utensils on his empty plate and leaning towards me.  "Kiddo, what's really going on?"

It was hard to look into his fierce dark eyes, so I stayed staring at my food, tummy grumbling in disgust as I repeated my lie.  "Seriously.  Violet paid to make up for everything."  It was half true — she'd bought me drinks.

Anyway, that conversation didn't go anywhere, just made me more nervous, and it was almost impossible to sleep.

Thursday morning during the run, Toby seemed cheerful and definitely called me out on acting different.  Ugh he gets too annoying with that shit.  I lied that I was just sleepy, which he didn't believe but didn't push.

Work was kind of a mess.  Gabe and Violet, fortunately, were mostly out of the office, so nobody important saw my fuck ups.  But I was really feeling shitty.  

Izaak texted me to meet him at Molly's place, and I definitely forgot that Violet also lives there and left without her.  But at least listening to music helped get my mind off things for a bit.

x-x-x-the party-x-x-x

It was really weird at first.  I felt like a stranger, even though I knew everyone well enough by now and was included in the conversations.  By the time Toby arrived, I'd warmed up and it felt kind of like a family again, even though Izaak still felt awkward.

Once the talk turned serious, I was thankful that it was focused on Violet, but also a little scared.  Like I was definitely about to get outcasted.  I was kind of annoyed with Izaak, but wanted to latch onto him with a hug and cry.  

Then he turned against me, and even though I had known it would happen, I didn't feel prepared at all.  I hadn't considered that I'd be judged by all 5 of my... family — even if one of the judgments was positive, having all that attention focused on me was much more overwhelming than I'd imagined.  

When put on the spot, needing to stand up for myself, I faltered, something that never happens.  Not when I'm one on one.  Not when I'm doing a con.  Not when in high pressure situations.  Never!  My whole body felt hot with humiliation.  Swam in trepidation.  I definitely wasn't going to be able to do this.......

Violet was first.  Gabe had her stand in the middle of the circle, but she was being really bratty and obnoxious.  Rolling her eyes a lot.  Responding to everything he said.  She was really putting on a show, maybe enjoying this too much.  I envied her.  How could she keep that tough exterior with Gabe in prime alpha mode?

Her punishment was really scary!  I've been spanked a lot but... holy shit, Gabe is terrifying.  The fire in his hazel eyes made me squirm, and when he shouted at me to hold onto Violet's hands, I gripped them for dear life.  

It was very surreal, like being involved in some fucked up reality show.  

Gabe whipped her until he "wiped that smirk off her face"... which definitely took longer than it would have for me.  I was so thankful when she was finally answering him somewhat respectfully and he stood up straight.  

[idk for some reason this is where my mind is going tonight.....]

But he looked straight at me and said, "do not let go."

I gulped and just said, "yes sir!"  Silently praying for Izaak not to ever let Gabe touch me like that.

Then Gabe turned to Izaak.  "The final ten," and extended the belt.  

Izaak stood, but I didn't pay attention to him because Violet was grumbling again.  "What the fuck... you can't..."

Before she could get more out, Gabe turned towards her and growled, "You shut your fucking mouth or I'll start over."

Violet's jaw clamped shut and she let out a pouty huff.

Izaak had the belt now and was moving behind her.  He was the taller than Gabe, broader shoulders and bulkier arms.  Their facial expression could be equally vicious, but Izaak's energy was more serious and caring.  Maybe he didn't care about Violet... but he cared about something.  Me?  

But I saw a totally different side of him once the belt lifted.  He turned into a machine.  The ten swats came down much harder than he'd ever spanked me.  They were right in a row, so fast that Violet didn't even have time to catch her breath and swear at him.

Until it was over.  Then she let out a big, "fuuuuuuuuuuckkkkk that hurt!" and kicked up her heels.  

Izaak handed the belt back to Gabe and now I was ready to run away again.  If he could get that reaction from Violet, what could he do to me?  

I was finally granted permission to let go of her hands, and Violet stood rubbing her backside as she hobbled over to get re-dressed.

Izaak was sitting next to me again, large hand on my shoulder.  I shivered, about to have a break down.  I really didn't want to be spanked in front of everyone!!  This had to be one of the most awful things ever.

Violet winced as she sat on the wooden chair, now fully clothed and somewhat subdued.

A hush fell over the room and then all eyes wandered to Izaak and me.  My heart pounded inside my chest.  Ugh.  Is this really happening?  

Thousands of thoughts ran through my mind in the second that Izaak stood with my wrist in his hand, jerking me up from the sofa.  Is he going to make me strip like Gabe did with Violet?  Is he going to be mean to me like that?  Will everyone else think I'm weak because I can't handle as much as her?  Will they be disgusted by pudgy tummy and flabby thighs?  Why did I let Toby trick me into doing this? 

As Izaak placed the chair in the middle of the circle and sat, I shot Toby a glare.  I expected him to be smirking like Gabe had been the whole time with Violet, but Toby had the most serious expression I'd probably ever seen on him.  It poked at an unfamiliar guilty feeling.

Before I could try to analyze it, Izaak turned my chin so that I had to look at him.  "I won't lecture you about stealing being wrong.  You should already know better."  I opened my mouth to argue, but fortunately, unlike Gabe, Izaak didn't give me the chance.  "No excuses.  You're a big girl."  My face flushed at being spoken to like a child.  Even though it was something he did at home, it just added to the humiliation in front of everyone.  

He didn't say anything else, just helped me over his lap.  A whimper escaped from my lips, and even though I sucked in a deep breath to not cry, one tear slipped out.  

Over his lap I could see Violet to my left.  She gave me a look of solidarity.

I avoided making eye contact with Gabe because... omg so awkward.

To my right, Molly looked almost ready to cry, too.  She gave me a half smile, also in solidarity.  And at her side was Toby, still with his serious, flat expression.  

My skirt slipped up my thighs and I squeezed my eyes shut, now deciding to bury my face in my hands.  It's better that I don't see anyone's expression to seeing my bare bottom....

Izaak really did skip the lecture.  It was a creepy kind of quiet right before the first swat landed.  

It was just an otk handspanking.  But there was no warm up at all — he started out almost full force (well, that's how it felt anyway!) and I shrieked, trying not to squirm too much and look like a baby.  But like he had with Violet and the belt, he didn't give me time to breathe.  Eventually I couldn't stay still and was squirming all over the place, until he had to hold my hand so that I would stop trying to block.

Unlike Violet, I actually started crying real tears.  So much shame and humiliation — it was definitely worse than the spanking... but the spanking on top of everything else is what made me dissolve into a pool of tears.

Izaak replaced my panties and skirt, then like he did at home, lifted me to sit on his lap.  I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my face into his chest, not wanting to face everyone.  I felt like a kid who'd been embarrassed in public — I just wanted Izaak to carry me home while I hid from everyone.

But yeah, that didn't happen.  He let me cry for a moment and everyone else did... other stuff.  I'm not sure what they were doing because I kind of just got lost in Izaak's scent, the warmth of his arms wrapped around me, the rhythm of his breath.  When he spoke, his chest vibrated against my cheeks.  My bottom was warm and achy, nose stuffy from crying.  

After a few minutes, he kind of pried me away to look me in the eyes.  I was scared to face him, but eventually found the courage.  Everyone else was busy with their own stuff.  

"I didn't use the paddle because," he looked up at our friends, then back at me, "it didn't seem necessary.  But no more stealing, putting your life in danger, none of that.  Do you understand?"

Chewing on my lower lip, I nodded.