Molly needs love 🥺💚🥰

"Seriously?  Violet's been getting your adderall from a street dealer?"

My heart pounded and a pit of dread filled my gut.  "I had no idea at first..."

"Yeah, but you knew and kept asking for more anyway."  Vic shook his head, frowning at me.  "If you want these bullshit meds, get your own doctor.  Don't put my little sister in the middle.  You knew going back to Dominic's would make her more likely to relapse."

Eyes watering, I swallowed back the lump, not allowing myself to cry.  The scolding felt well-deserved, but Vic's spicy side was so rare, it made me feel a million times worse than I already did.  "I'm sorry....  I fucked up...."

"Yeah, you did.  And I know you're dealing with shit from Adam and Toby, but I'm too mad to feel sorry for you right now."

"I understand if you hate me too," I said remorsefully, hanging my head.

"Nada de eso, señorita.  You know I love you, but like I told you before, all this drugs, procrastination, and avoidance is gonna catch up with you.  What I'm asking — actually, demanding — is that you don't bring Violet down.  She's finally found her ambition again."  

The sobs couldn't stay in any longer, so I just let the tears erupt, covering my face with my hands so he wouldn't look at me.

Vic was still for a moment, probably frustrated that it felt like I was manipulating him.  So when he put a hand on my shoulder, I shrugged it off, scooting away.  He didn't need to comfort me.  And honestly, I just wanted to be alone.

When I didn't answer his attempts to converse, he finally sighed and apologized for upsetting me, which just made me feel worse because I was supposed to make him feel better, not worse.  How do I keep fucking everything up?

"I just need to go for a walk," I finally said, pushing myself up from the bed.  

Vic caught my arm before I made it through the doorway.  "Hey, I'll get over my anger.... I know you didn't mean it..."  He would keep making excuses for me unless I shut him up somehow, so I latched on for a hug suddenly.

"Thank you for saying that."  I released my grip, wiped my eyes, then left.

x-x-x-x

Gabe waited for me in the entryway dressed in black sweatpants and a thin white undershirt.  "You're soaked!  Why didn't you call first?  I would've sent a car."  He took my hand and pulled me towards the guest bathroom.

"I needed the walk."

He looked back at me with his eyebrows raised, reaching into the closet and handing me a fluffy gray towel. "You didn't walk all the way from Queens?  In a thunderstorm?  This time of night?"

"Well it wasn't raining when I left...."

A disappointed frown formed on his lips as I sorta dried myself, though it wasn't really helping — my T-shirt and jeans were heavy with water, and most of it was dripping to the floor, because I was now standing in a puddle.  "Get those off before you get sick.  I'll find you a change of clothes.  Jeez, Molly, you're shivering.  Why don't you get a warm shower?  I'll put these on to wash, just leave them in the laundry basket."

My eyes watered.  "Why are you so nice to me?  I don't deserve it."

"We can talk about it after you're dry."  Instead of waiting for obedience, he went over to the shower and pushed the faucet on, adjusting it for me.  His uncharacteristic caregiving elicited warm-fuzzies, but also reminded me of my unworthiness and made a few tears stream down my cheeks.  "What's wrong?"

Every voice in my head screamed at me not to tell him.  "I kinda sorta feel like maybe hurting myself."

Pity is what I expected.  Or indifference.  Or outrage.  But Gabe just spoke to me like normal.  "Well, you're not going to.  Causing you pain is my job.  Now c'mon, get moving," he urged, walking towards the door and turning to make sure I was okay before leaving.

After my glorious shower, I emerged from the bathroom wrapped up in the towel, frizzy hair re-braided and looking a little less messy.   I carried the basket of dirty clothes, which Gabe intercepted.  As he loaded the washing machine, I shifted uncomfortably, chewing on my fingernail and waiting for him to say something.

He didn't, though... not yet anyway.  When he finished up in the laundry room, he came towards me and reached for my elbow, guiding me to the leather bench in his living room.  A folded up green shirt sat at the end.  "Get dressed while I get the implements.  And don't leave the towel on the floor — you can hang it up in the bathroom."  

"Yes, Sir."  His commanding, kind voice made me feel all tingly and nervous.  But also kinda secure.  Maybe Violet was right that I needed to just go for it with him...

The oversized T-shirt fell down a couple of inches past my butt and smelled like Gabe in an oddly comforting way.  I was observing this when he returned to the living room, bag in hand.  My eyes widened — did he really need that many implements???

"I'm not sure what you have to confess to me this week," he admitted.  

"Do I have to face you when I say it?"

"Yes."  He plopped the bag down next to me, causing me to flinch a little, then turned to lock eyes with me.  

I whined and stomped my foot a little.  "But whyyyyy?  I don't wanna."

"If you asked the question, it's because you need me to be strict.  What happened?"  

I tried to look away but he forced my chin up, raising his eyebrows, waiting.  "Ooof... it's just so much..."

"Start with why you thought it was a good idea to walk here in a thunderstorm so late at night."

His serious face made me try to look away again, but he didn't let me 😭.  "It's not that late..."

"I didn't ask your opinion about perception of time.  Why are you putting yourself in danger like that again?"

Tummy twisting into knots, I fidgeted at Gabe's punishing gaze.  "Vic is mad at me."

That information took him by surprise.  "How did you manage that?"

I gulped, taking a deep breath and explaining to him what happened with the adderall, Violet, everything.  "He has a good reason to be mad.  I should've never tried to do both jobs at once.  I don't know how you work so much."

Gabe finally let go of my chin, expression pensive, conflicted.  "Why are you working both jobs at once?  Don't you have enough patients yet?"

Chewing on my lower lip, I looked away (finally!) and just shrugged.

"Young lady..." he warned.

It worked.  "What if I get fired?"

"Then you'll find another job.  So what?"

Okay, now I had to look back up at him.  How could he say that so nonchalantly?  "What if I don't find another job?"

"Why wouldn't you?"

"Because I suck.  And I can't do anything right.  I'll never be good enough.  I really hate myself."

His hand on my shoulder gave me a little comfort, something to lean into.  "Are you sure you don't just deserve a hug?"

"If I hadn't asked Violet for the adderall she wouldn't have relapsed and Vic wouldn't be mad at me and Toby would be talking to me and I wouldn't have to break up with Adam and..." I broke off into a sob.

Gabe pulled me in for a hug, stroking my back as I pressed my face into his chest.  

"Toby should've fired me.  I don't understand why he didn't... and I'm so scared he still might."  More crying.  "I'm not sure why anybody even likes me.  I can't keep a relationship.  I'm a bad influence for my friends.  Get high at work..."

"What?!"  He tried to pull me away, but I wouldn't let him.  "Molly Riana... we already had a talk about this a couple of weeks ago.  You know, maybe you were right in the beginning to have not wanted to face me with your confessions.  It's time to get into position to accept your consequences."

The way he said it made my tummy jump and I squeezed onto him even tighter.  "Now I don't want to be punished anymore.... I'll be a good girl!"

"It's too late for that now.  Face down on the bench, and don't make me tell you again or I will bring the big girl implements."

I blushed at him calling them that — it was something my Little side had come up with to call his harsher implements that were kinda on my soft limits list, but hadn't even realized he'd paid attention to.  I should've known, though.  Gabe always pays attention, even if it seems like he's off busy doing something else.

Curiosity kept me latched on a few seconds longer than I normally would've, just to see if he'd make good on his threat.  I secretly hoped to push him that far one day, but self-preservation kept me from doing it today.

Lying flat on the leather bench, I closed my eyes, waiting for Gabe to adjust me to his liking.  

"I had planned to give this to you for your birthday, but I guess now is just as good of a time..."  Not gonna lie, I was expecting a new belt or something and braced myself for the spanking.... until I realized that he was standing in front of my face.  I looked up and came face to face with the stuffy I'd been gushing about for weeks but was sold out.  "Hold onto that and do not reach back during your punishment, am I clear?"

I suppressed my smile.  "Yes, Sir."