Throat dry as I stood in the center of Toby's bedroom, I began to regret having asked him for this. My curiosity about how he was as a spanker was slowly decreasing as he paced behind me. His personality had almost completely changed... going from compassionate caregiver to... scary punisher.
"Chloe, if that's even your real name, I said to bare your bottom. That means to take off your skirt and panties. What are you waiting for?"
Toby stopped pacing and stared me down as he waited for me to obey his instructions. His stare was so penetrating that my heart pounded faster as if begging me to run. Instead, I unzipped my skirt and pushed it down over my hips with my panties. When they fell to the floor, I just kicked them away, glancing back up at my friend.
His intensity told me that maintaining eye contact would get this over with sooner rather than later. I wanted to win him over with my big blue eyes.
"Hands behind your back, and look down at the floor. I want you to focus on listening to my words."
Gulping, I placed my trembling hands in position, tilting my head down.
"This is a punishment for your criminal behavior. You have no control in this scene. I can see right through your manipulative behavior."
"Sorry..."
"Save your apologies for when you really mean them."
I nodded weakly, slipping into a more submissive headspace. I'd never seen this side of Toby — our morning chats usually consisted of light banter and lectures about whatever health topic was on his mind — so the sternness carried an extra punch.
"Why did you move to New York?"
I shifted from one foot to the other, a little confused at the question. How am I supposed to answer that? Is this a trick? "To start over."
He inched forward, causing me to glance up momentarily to see his wide eyes directing me back to the floor. "You can lie to yourself, but you're not fooling me. Try again. Dig deeper."
His tone made me squirm more, feeling more naked than if he'd asked me to strip completely. But what did he want to hear? I felt so lost without being able to read his facial expressions. Why did I ask for this again? "And get away from my old life. You know... the crime stuff." I couldn't help it, I had to look up to see if that was the right answer.
Toby frowned and pointed back at the floor. "I need you to stop trying to control this interaction. The more you resist, the longer this will take."
Blushing made it easier to look back down, but I felt super uncomfortable. Did I have such control issues? How much had he already psychoanalyzed me before today? "I don't know what answer you're looking for," I said, frustrated.
His silence pierced me, almost more awful than if he had just yelled at me, which I guess was the point. So it made me think a little harder about my answer. Why did I come to New York? There was no one in Michigan I wanted to see, and doesn't everyone dream about living in the big apple? But Seattle was a more obvious choice... if Sage hadn't been arrested, anyway.
Though, to be honest, I probably still would've chosen the East Coast. Why, though?
A few images floated in my mind... sitting on Izaak's lap after a spanking, Toby making me laugh while jogging, Molly worrying over me not eating at a family meeting, Violet defending me from Gabe at work. But I didn't know anyone except Izaak when I moved?
"I'm not sure why I moved here... I only know the reason I stay... and it's for you guys... the 'family'..." My body tensed as I forced myself to remain in position, hoping my answer would be good enough...
"What I'm hearing is that friends are important to you. Is my understanding correct?"
My tummy rumbled as I nodded.
"Have you taken a second to consider how much you are affecting the rest of us by keeping this secret from Izaak?"
I fidgeted, chewing on my lip, not liking where this conversation was going...
"If you value friendships, don't you think it wise to ponder the consequences your actions will have on us? Let's start with Gabe and Violeta."
"W-what do you mean? I'm the one who's going to be affected when they find out!" He didn't respond, so I grumbled and glanced up. "Why aren't you answering me??"
Toby stood there calmly, hands behind his back, shoulders confident. "I don't appreciate this entitled attitude, little girl."
My tummy grumbled again and cheeks flushed red, so I looked at the floor again, successfully put back in my place (for now). But he still didn't say anything, forcing me to think about his stupid question. "I guess Gabe would feel stupid for trusting Molly's word and hiring me, so it could hurt their relationship. And I just don't know how anything bad could happen to Violet... she knows how to handle herself."
"I know her well enough to see that she confides in you. Violeta has enough trust issues already. She's tough, but it's still a betrayal." He paused to let that sink in. "Additionally, how do you think the media will react to Gabe hiring the very con artist that framed his client? How shameful to his company. It would ruin his reputation, maybe cost him his career."
Ooof.... Now I understood why Violet feared Toby's lectures. This was much worse than any spanking I'd received... including the one from Gabe!
"What about Izaak?"
"Can't we just get to the spanking part already...?" Toby remained silent, making my discomfort grow. There was no escaping this guilt. "I can't tell him. If he knows, he'd be in more trouble at work." Still no response. Grrr. "I'm serious though." A knot started forming in my throat as I spoke. "There's no good reason to confess to Izaak." Without wanting it to, a tear slipped down my cheeks. The guilt was there... like, I should've told him, but I wasn't sure why.
"Izaak invited you into his home, gave you a 'family' as you called it, helped you find a job, and optimized your performance by keeping you in shape. The least you could do is allow him to try to protect you before it's too late. I haven't seen him care about many people as much as he does about you. Trust that Izaak will do the right thing."
Sniffling, I said, "Are you gonna make me tell him?"
"No, I won't 'make' you do anything. I only want to break down your defenses so you'll know the full scope of consequences and therefore make wiser decisions."
"I don't want my defenses broken anymore...."
Toby took a step closer. "Look up at me now," he said gently.
Slightly intimidated, I lifted my head, now not even trying to win him over (since it wouldn't work anyway).
"How do you think it affects me, bringing me into your secret?"
Damn... I hadn't realized we were going there... And he was looking at me so fiercely that I just started crying, closing my eyes instead of facing him. Funny how a few minutes ago I kept trying to look at him??
This time he didn't make me suffer in silence for too long, deciding to answer his own question. "It puts me in an ethical dilemma, uncertain where my loyalties lie, and what action will cause the least harm. Open your eyes and face me, Chloe. It's part of the process."
I sniffled again and wiped the tears away, finally looking at him again.
"It makes me feel used, like you only wanted to get close to me so I could help you..."
"That isn't the case at all!" I said defensively.
"Do not invalidate my feelings," he scolded.
My mouth snapped shut and a few more tears fell.
"Now is a more appropriate time for that apology..."
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