ch13 edits

Toby went on to create a full-on scientific experiment, with all sorts of numbers and rationality, but I spaced out.  My mind was focused on the sinking feeling in my tummy.  

Since he'd gotten me the job at his Central Park psychotherapy office, I'd had conflicting emotions.  Even though it'd take a while to build up a client base, I was already making more money with them than at my old job in Queens, where I still had a nearly-full caseload.   

It's just that my old job makes me feel like I'm actually making a difference...  

People who have money can afford the best help anywhere.  It's the rest of us who get the shit end of the stick.  Stuck with therapists who don't really care or who quit after a few months because the pay/benefits are so shitty.  Out of my 30 colleagues at the clinic, I'm definitely one of the best.  Part of the elite crew who can do whatever I want without fear of repercussion.  

No one cares about poor people.

The work situation mixed with my romantic life and Violet's drama had me more wrapped up in helping my clients, which meant paperwork (and my self-care needs) was put on the backburner.  Something I can get away with at my old job, but tried to avoid at the new job.  

It's too shameful to admit to Toby.  I should've talked to Gabe instead.

Adam was supposed to be my top/spanker/whatever we want to call it, but had been in such a bad emotional place lately that I didn't want to bother him with my meaningless issues.  

It's just that Toby will make it into such a big deal...

Maybe it is a big deal though?

"I'm glad we did this," he said, interrupting my thoughts and stretching his arms up like a cat.  His eyes looked drowsy and he had a silly grin plastered on his face, totally unaware of my inner turmoil.  "Take care of yourself, little girl," and gave me a kiss on the cheek, standing up.  "Will let you know what Izaak says tomorrow."

After showing him out, I snuggled into bed with Netflix, feeling a little somber but knowing comedy would improve my mood while also taking my mind off everything.  Then halfway through the episode I was interrupted by a FaceTime call.

"Heyyyyy!  It's my favorite person!" Vic chirped, flipping his hair out of his eyes and waving.

I returned the sentiment and we gushed at seeing each other again, getting way too excited because we're dorky like that.  And spent some time catching up.  

But of course, eventually he had to ruin my pleasant distraction with serious talk. "What about the work stuff?  Weren't you going to talk to Toby about it today?  Sounds like Violet’s the only one who got any 'correction'..."

I blushed upon hearing my vanilla friend say that so bluntly.  "Mmmmm... you know what sounds great?  Pizza!  I think I'll order really quick..."  I clicked off FaceTime and onto the delivery app, wanting to hide.

"Hey!  Don't avoid my question!  You didn't tell him?"

"We didn't have time..."

"... You just told me you spent the last two hours getting high with him."

"Ooooo... should I get pepperoni or sausage?"

"You don't even like sausage!"

Ugh, he's right.  Stupid me, I could've picked a better option.  "I just chickened out, okay?"

Vic laughed... yes, laughed!  

I switched back to see him shaking his head at me, still wearing a smile.  "That's not nice to laugh at me."  I poked my lower lip out and made my eyes all big and adorable.

"Okay, I'll stop laughing."  Then he took a deep breath and put on a more serious face.  "Señorita, you need to stop procrastinating this talk with Toby.  If you've done something that earned you a spanking, you must accept it and stop stalling.  Come on, you're braver than this!"

My cheeks burned again.  "You're not supposed to..." my voice trailed off as I pouted again.

His eyebrows raised and suddenly I wished I hadn't told him to stop laughing.  "Text him now."

"What!"

"You want to, right?  Facing him is hard, so just text it."

"After the pizza comes..."

"Did you finish ordering it?"

"Oh shit!" I switched back over to the incomplete order adding a soda and dessert, then checking out, finally switching back over to Vic.  

"You'll feel better once you do it.  I promise."  

"Awww, we're back on this..."

Vic smiled. "You're always taking care of everyone else, someone has to take care of you!  I'll feel better when you're caught up on work... you've been stressing me out with all you've neglected lately..."

My tummy twisted into knots.  "Fiiiiiiiine.... I'll text him," I huffed, clicking out of FaceTime again to open a text message.  

"What are you gonna say?"

"Ummmm.... I'll say...." Fingers shaking, I began typing out the message.  "Can we talk tomorrow about, um, the stuff I've been hiding."

"Yikes, your ass is toast!"

I gasped.  "You're so mean."

He laughed again.  "You'll be fine.  Didn't you even write a blog about how we need pain to have pleasure?"

"Great, even using my words against me!" I sighed, clicking send to Toby, trying to ignore my pounding heart as I flipped back over to Vic.  At least the philosophical discussion of pain/pleasure was a simple transition to talking about something other than me getting spanked!