weekend at toby's

Friday night- talk about daddy issues, get all of the grief out, memories of family, verbalize regret, lots of comfort.  hot tea before bed.  really good sleep.

saturday-

wake up early for running group — she's in a fairly good mood because of good sleep and getting out all of those emotions.  jokes around with chloe and izaak a little.

8am-ish back home for healthy breakfast

8:30 meditation — rolling her eyes at this, getting a little fidgety, but Toby just ignores it

9:00 shower

9:30-11am alone time — no technology, only journaling and/or reading.  Was very resistant to this at first, but Toby leaves her alone in Tristen's room to work on it.  Eventually she gets really into writing, pouring out her emotions about everything over the last few weeks, including the things that triggered her to use coke or get angry.  she also comes up with possible solutions to the triggers

11am talk with Toby about triggers

12 noon another meditation

1215 healthy lunch

1pm technology time

2:30pm back to journaling — feeling a little tired of being bossed around, so journal entry is kind of rage-y.  she's getting bored, too, and just wants to leave.  urges to use are coming back so she journals about that. and then self-hatred comes out on the pages — things she feels ashamed of.

4pm another talk with Toby about what she journaled.  he gets a little firm with her attitude in the beginning.  actually he makes her cry again at some point, making her read aloud some of the shameful thoughts.  at the end, toby reassures her that he is still there for her.  it's quite intense but feels good when it's over.  not sure if meditation is at beginning or end.  also tells her at the end that spanking is coming up after dinner.

530pm healthy dinner — feeling exhausted

7pm spanking and talk about goals.  Toby makes Violet tell him what kind of punishment (reminder?) she deserves.  the purpose is to make sure that violet remembers what she promises to do.   there is actually a more light-hearted tone to this spanking than initially violet had assumed there would be.  it's more of a "clean slate" type of spanking, something that makes them closer.  maybe the spanking is a warning of what will happen if she breaks her promise.

9pm already ready for bed, journaling again, falls asleep by 10pm

sunday morning wakes up fairly early and is feeling good and confident.  she thanks toby for everything and goes off to complete her goals.

goals:

--pay back debts:  old job, people at dominic's, credit cards, andy, jason

--go back to therapy

--figure out what to do with career 

--use healthy coping skills