ch4 insert

I grumbled at Izaak’s giddiness, but followed the next few blocks until we reached Astoria Park. I'd assumed the torture was over and we were there to enjoy the view, but much to my displeasure, my roommate led me to a handful of runners stretching in a circle. As we approached they smiled, a few of them stopping to give a fist bump or high five.  

Most of the group appeared closer to Izaak’s age than mine, a mixture of men and women, mostly middle-class boring-looking white people.  Only one stood out to me — He wore a backward baseball cap with a sticker that said, Hello, my name is:  TOBY.  In all caps and underlined, like he expects you to remember it, and he's too unconventional or conceited to write like a normal person.  He wore dark shorts and a blue zipped-up off-brand hoodie, equipped with nearly-white running shoes.  His gaze was mildly curious, somewhat judgmental and scrutinizing.  

Probably a doctor.  

“I’d like to introduce you to my flatmate.”  Izaak stepped aside and presented me to everyone.

My cheeks reddened with embarrassment. What a horrible moment to meet a half dozen strangers! My hair was a frizzy wet mess and I smelled like garlic-y onions. All I wanted was a cigarette, shower, and nap, in that order.  But I shyly waved back at the enthusiastic crowd.

"Chloe moved to the area last month, and today I finally convinced her to join us." Izaak’s large hand clapped on my shoulder and he chuckled, eyeing Toby who appeared to guess that I didn’t consent to exercising.  

Also probably a spanko.

I was thrust into the circle next to a young blond who introduced herself as Vanessa, while Izaak went to the head of the group, leading us in stretches and brows almost continuously furrowed at me for spacing out.  It took all of my concentration to mirror his poses, but I was exhausted from being awake so early and having run already.  When I was ready to cry and give up, Izaak barked an order and everyone took off running on the dirt track except Toby.

"If you can make it by the street, there's a bench to hide out," he said with a wink, running to catch up with the others.

A growl vibrated my teeth but I followed on jelly legs.  Izaak led the group, long legs giving him a huge advantage.  A trio were shortly behind, then a pair of women, and Toby at the back, only a few feet ahead of me.  My jog died down to a saunter when I rounded the corner, eyes landing on the narrow street.  A bench was tucked behind a few newspaper machines, shaded by a large oak tree.  With a relieved sigh, I plopped down, catching my breath.

This month will be torture, I told myself, glancing at two pigeons fighting over breadcrumbs.  Izaak seemed determined to make my life a living hell, probably so I'd run away instead of him having guilt about kicking me out.  How does he expect me to exercise, get up early, and quit smoking all at once?  A lump formed in my throat as I considered that maybe I’d never live up to his expectations and end up losing his support and friendship anyway.  Like always happened with my dad.

Tears pooling in my eyes, I breathed in the sticky air, trying to focus on the scenery.  A massive bridge stretched across the East River, leading my vision to the Manhattan skyline.  Buildings scattered around the island reached for the puffy white clouds.  Cars sped down the parkway, reminding me that life moves on, even if my own world stops momentarily.  

I'm not my parents.  And I'm great at faking it til I make it.  I can do this.

I repeated the words to myself hundreds of times as I waited for my pulse to return to normal and the sweat to evaporate.  Eventually, a stillness spread through my body, causing me to forget my thoughts and the pain in my calves.  The only thing missing was a good cigarette...

My heart jumped remembering that I was supposed to be jogging laps!  I peeked above the newspaper stand to see that some of the group had finished and were sitting in the grass, stretching and drinking bottled water.  Toby was jogging towards me drenched in sweat, eyes locking with mine.  I made sure Izaak wasn't paying attention and bolted back to the track, falling into rhythm with Toby for the final meters, finally smiling.  The pep talk and sprint had lifted my spirits, and when I joined the huddle with a giggle, falling into the dewey green grass next to my roommate, I almost felt like part of the club.

Everyone made small talk while cooling off, finally standing and parting ways.  Izaak and Vanessa walked ahead of Toby and me.  “I’m Toby, by the way,” he  breathed, lips slightly curved up.  

Pointing to his cap, I said, “I noticed.”  My chest tingled and belly felt hungry with attraction to the shaggy, beta male.

Toby's brown eyes twinkled as he strolled beside me, enthralled by my natural beauty (though I wasn't looking my best).  "So you're Izaak's new roomie?  I have to admit, I imagined someone less... feminine."

My eyebrows raised.  "I guess he didn't share many details about me?"

"You know how he is, very cut and dry, giving info on a need-to-know basis.  Work hazard.  Molly's the only one who has the patience to crack open his shell.  I suppose that's the difference between going to medical school versus social work school."

"So you're a doctor." 

He nodded.  "M.D. and Doctor of Psychology  But I employ people like Molly to deal with the more sensitive cases — growing up in Brooklyn gave me a blunt disposition that doesn't work for all.  I'm guessing you have tougher skin than appears, since you and Izaak are friendly.  He doesn't exactly ooze with loving kindness.  You look like an artist."

I turned to study him and figure out how he read me so easily. My whole life I'd fooled everyone, and now there was a second person who saw right through me... Wtf?  "So you're in private practice?"

"Ohh, turning the conversation back to me.  I see you didn’t enjoy that I made assumptions about you.  My apologies.  But yes, I run a mental health clinic and consult for a 'trial science' company — they help defendants by profiling and helping sway jury members.  I'm also a consultant for the FBI, Izaak brings me to work cases with him sometimes."

"You're a busy guy."

"If I don't stay occupied, I fall into bad habits.  Easier to prevent than save myself afterwards."

"Sounds like you've been down that road a lot in life."

He smirked.  "Yes, several times.  And if Izaak has you joining the running group against your will, I'm assuming the same for you."

This wasn't where I wanted our conversation to go, so I steered clear.  Toby seemed trustworthy, and though my gut is good at detecting bullshit, the snarky psychiatrist gave me a sensation I didn't recognize.  "What's your area of expertise?  In college I was really into developmental psych, I worked in a preschool for a little while and could see everything in the kids that I learned in class."  

Toby's eyebrow cocked.  "Behavioral and criminal psychology.  Understanding extreme cases and working to prevent or rehabilitate unhelpful behaviors."

"Sounds like a TV show."

"It's part of my interest in the lifestyle as well."

I almost froze in shock, but consciously reminded myself to keep moving.  Though I'd suspected his interest, I hadn't thought he'd admit it aloud so soon.  "How so?" I replied, not wanting him to see the effect he'd had on me.  But I wondered what he'd be like as a spanker.  He didn't seem as serious as Izaak, but more serious than most guys I'd met with over the years, who really just wanted a sexual experience. 

"Think about it like life coaching with real consequences.  My current spankee, Vanessa," he said, pointing ahead as she threw her head back with an obnoxious cackle.  "She's a criminal justice student but also has a full-time job at a corporation that requires her time management skills to be impeccable.  When we started working together in January, she was struggling to juggle all of her duties at once.  Now she's an intern at the trial science company and hasn't missed a deadline since winter.  She suffered from punishments several times, but they were effective.  She also receives rewards.  There’s a formula I use..."

"What's in it for you?"

His lips pressed together as he thought for a moment, not having expected that question.  "It's likely a burst of oxytocin and serotonin, and a dab of testosterone at having power/authority over someone."

Now he'd surprised me — I'd predicted a less scientific answer.  I wanted to know more, but we'd reached home and approached Izaak and Vanessa.

Toby turned to me and smiled.  "It was lovely to meet and chat with you, Chloe.  See you tomorrow!"  

I groaned that I may not make it, but Izaak cut me off with slapping Toby a handshake and bidding him goodbye.  

As we did our final exercise of the day (walking up the four flights of stairs to his apartment), Izaak looked at me. "That wasn't so bad, was it?" 

"It was awful!  I can’t work out daily!"

"Five mornings a week for one month, kiddo.  That's all I ask.”  Now putting on a serious face, he said, “And next time I expect you to actually do the running with us, or I’ll have to bring the wooden spoon along."  

I gasped.  “No way!”

“Don’t test me.”